Should a guy still call a lady after a first date even if it was an awkward date?


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LostInCornfield is offline LostInCornfield Post #1  September 13,2011, 5:14pm
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Well... should he?

Had a first date with a lady on over the weekend and we got off to a good start, some laughs, but the conversation just kinda fizzled out towards the end and it just got awkward when we both just flat ran out of things to say.

My appraisal of the situation was that she was just not interested by the end of the night, but she was kinda shy though too so it maybe could have just been that she was just as nervous as I was.

Any thoughts?
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #2  September 13,2011, 5:29pm
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To answer your title question: No.

Even if you were dumb enough to say "I'll call you and we'll do this again!" it's not like she hasn't heard that line before. Sometimes, a date just doesn't work out. Why carry on the pretense of getting back in touch with her? This is still pretty much a world where the guy asks the girl for the first couple of dates. Why would you call her if you really don't ever want to see her again?

Now, as a girl, I will still send a followup thank you to the guy after a date, even if I never want to see him again. If he paid, I thank him for that. If he didn't pay, then I just say "It was nice to finally meet you in person!" and leave it at that. Occasionally, I have gotten back a request for a second date, which I had to politely decline. But, most of the time, they get the message, that it's really a "thanks but no thanks".

I would not expect a guy to call me after a date if he doesn't want to see me again.
 
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LostInCornfield is offline LostInCornfield Post #3  September 13,2011, 5:35pm
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Well, holy crap. She just emailed me. The plot suddenly thickens.
 
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CurbedMyEnthusiasm is offline CurbedMyEnthusiasm Post #4  September 13,2011, 5:41pm
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This comes down to whether one or the other believes in or needs to feel an instant connection.

"Awkward" is a bit vague, so instead I will just say if the date is so-so or average, but she has qualities that interest me I'd normally ask her out again. You still know very little about each other and sometimes we're just distracted or not at our best and aren't the best date.

But running out of things to talk about on the first date, or even first few dates, is a huge red flag. This person either isn't very interesting, is a poor conversationalist, or just not into you.

Like I said, I believe in second chances. Unless you have something better to do, the worst that could happen is another so-so date. And if she rejects you, so what you obviously won't be broken-up over it and probably never see her again.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  September 13,2011, 5:44pm
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LostInCornfield wrote :
Well... should he?

Had a first date with a lady on over the weekend and we got off to a good start, some laughs, but the conversation just kinda fizzled out towards the end and it just got awkward when we both just flat ran out of things to say.

My appraisal of the situation was that she was just not interested by the end of the night, but she was kinda shy though too so it maybe could have just been that she was just as nervous as I was.

Any thoughts?
was this the 7 minute conversation? i thought so.

this is why being able to have a decent phone convo is a good initial screen. if you have a good phone convo and reasonable expectations otherwise, theres a good chance you'll have some compatibility .

i'd say dont bother, and next time make sure you can talk to the person for a length of time before you even agree to meet them.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  September 13,2011, 6:00pm
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Depends on the purpose of your call, and the context prior.

If you left the person expecting you to call (like, you said you would), then I would communicate (because I do what I say I will do.)

If the person seemed okay, and maybe just tired or preoccupied, and I saw no deal-breakers, I probably would contact her again and propose a second meeting.

Not everybody is at their best every moment, and hasty decisions are bad decisions.
 
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LostInCornfield is offline LostInCornfield Post #7  September 13,2011, 6:21pm
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She just emailed me...
 
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CurbedMyEnthusiasm is offline CurbedMyEnthusiasm Post #8  September 13,2011, 6:29pm
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...
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #9  September 13,2011, 6:51pm
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First dates can seem very awkward just because the two people are nervous. For this reason, unless I encounter a deal breaker and if I liked the guy even somewhat, I will give it another go and even a third attempt before declaring a mismatch. But this is just me.

In answer to your question, it is polite to make a call and say you enjoyed meeting her but didn't feel enough of a connection to persue anything further. At least this way she is not left hanging, it is a very decent and polite thing to do.

Another appraoch is a phone call to say, "so how did you feel things went for us on Saturday night". Then listen to her response. I had a guy do this once and appreciated his openness. Who knows, maybe she didn't think things went badly at all.
 
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LostInCornfield is offline LostInCornfield Post #10  September 13,2011, 7:18pm
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Turns out she had a lovely time but was just really shy... now I feel like a goober. We're going to keep talking.
 
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