She vanished - Day #4

Hello all, been lurking for awhile so thought I would drop in, say hello and share my story. Kinda long, I apologize.

So I've been on eHarmony for a little over a month now and I'm 30. I was matched with this woman, 26, and we matched on August 2nd. We went through the guided communication process, albeit slowly. In fact, at one point two weeks had went by before she responded to my 3 questions. I had just chalked it up to a loss and closed out the match one day when I was cleaning out matches. I know, I know, I've read dozens of posts from people saying not to close matches, but I did it anyway.

Then on the 17th, somehow, she magically responded to my 3 questions despite the match being closed. I still don't know exactly how that happened and I never asked. Some mysteries are better left unsolved. I reopened the match, viewed her answers, answered her questions and all of the sudden we were in open communication.

We went back and forth and were communicating pretty quickly, sometimes two or three a day, having nice email conversation. She was responding pretty fast now too all of the sudden, sometimes within the hour (which creeped me out a bit at first, but I went along with it). There were a few times I purposely waited to respond after she'd respond quickly just to kinda break things up a bit or I'd wait until right I was about to go to bed before I'd send a response.

That went on from the 18th until the 26th. Finally, we agreed to meet this past Saturday at a coffee shop during the day. I gave her my phone number the night before just in case something came up and she responded with hers just in case too.

So we meet at the coffee shop, talk for about an hour, have a few laughs, seem to get along pretty well despite the opening jitters and I left feeling pretty excited that I had actually met a nice girl and not done anything to make a total boob of myself.

Side note: This was the first time I had actually met a woman on here. Had reached open communication with a few others, but they were either too far away or we just weren't clicking and one of us called it off. All that after wading through all of the closeouts and non responses... you know the eHarmony math.

So anyway, yeah that was Saturday. I bucked the 3-day rule and sent her a short, succinct eHarmony email late Saturday night sorta continuing a portion of the conversation that we left off with and had a laugh about and then let her know that it was really nice meeting her. I didn't ask for another date or anything right away, but just kinda ended on that note. Basically, I just wanted her to know I had a nice time.

That was Saturday night and I haven't heard back since. I even did the stalker routine and looked at her profile today just to see if she logged in. Much to my surprise, she hasn't even logged in since Saturday - and there is no way to tell what time she actually did log in so I have no way of knowing if she even got that last email.

So either:

A) She was attacked by a horde of locusts shortly after our meeting Saturday afternoon and has been unable to get online due to said locusts.

B) She was so repulsed by me that she renounced men and eHarmony forever.

C) She is playing hard to get.

D) She has just been incredibly busy. She is technically a college student.

Like, okay, I'm not angry in this situation. If she was just really busy, that's understandable, but you go from 9 days of solid daily communication building up to a nice meeting to just nothing? And she was taking classes that whole week we were talking before so why all the sudden now did we go to nothing?

I'm thinking I just struck out completely and in my mind, I've already kinda talked myself down from that initial surge on Saturday and just kinda processed it as a loss and mentally moved forward. I actually just hit open communication with someone else that I'm pretty excited about.

But again, I was a bit surprised to see that she hadn't even logged in since Saturday.

So therein lies the question: Now part of me, that dastardly part of me that actually cares even though I probably shouldn't, thinks maybe she actually had a legitimate problem of some kind and that part of me has the itch to call and just, you know, make sure she wasn't hit by a bus or something. I technically have her number. But, I feel like since that was never a common method of communication before since we just went from email to face-to-face, I feel like that is out of bounds.

Plus, there is that other part of me that just wants to close the match, move on and not let her have the satisfaction, lol. My time is valuable too.

Thoughts?

i had to laugh that it creeped you out that she responded right away... and people say dont play games....

anyway, you sent her a message and didnt ask her out again?

your last paragraph suggests that its not a big deal to you either way. youre creeped out that she responds too fast, you dont ask her out again and you want to close her to "show her"

you dont sound that interested. i'd just let it go... maybe close her. have fun with it.

So we meet at the coffee shop, talk for about an hour, have a few laughs, seem to get along pretty well despite the opening jitters and I left feeling pretty excited that I had actually met a nice girl and not done anything to make a total boob of myself.

So anyway, yeah that was Saturday. I bucked the 3-day rule and sent her a short, succinct eHarmony email late Saturday night sorta continuing a portion of the conversation that we left off with and had a laugh about and then let her know that it was really nice meeting her. I didn't ask for another date or anything right away, but just kinda ended on that note. Basically, I just wanted her to know I had a nice time.

So therein lies the question: Now part of me, that dastardly part of me that actually cares even though I probably shouldn't, thinks maybe she actually had a legitimate problem of some kind and that part of me has the itch to call and just, you know, make sure she wasn't hit by a bus or something. I technically have her number. But, I feel like since that was never a common method of communication before since we just went from email to face-to-face, I feel like that is out of bounds.

Plus, there is that other part of me that just wants to close the match, move on and not let her have the satisfaction, lol. My time is valuable too.

Thoughts?

Congrats!!

I bolded and italicized the newbie mistakes that I made. Basically, there is no 3 day rule, and two people who like each other's company are allowed to communicate as often as they want. She won't think it's creepy or needy, if she likes you. (Just don't send her a hundred texts if she doesn't respond to the first... )

With the women I have been closest to, we made plans for subsequent date while we were closing out this date. If she likes you, she'll love it when you ask, "When can I see you again?" as the bar closes.

I'll also say this. I'm a bit older than you are - I'm 35 - but I've found that generally, the women I've dated who are in their 20's are in a very different place than I am - they don't have as strong a self-identity and so they act accordingly. There are exceptions, though, and you'll find a few notables on these boards.

I can understand how you might see it that way. I guess when I said it creeped me out, I just meant I was genuinely surprised and shocked at first that she was responding that quickly, but after awhile I warmed up to it and just figured if she wasn't interested, she wouldn't be bothering and I accepted it as a good thing.

I guess the main reason I sounded callus about whether or not I wanted to see this person again was that if she wasn't interested, I'm pretty quick to just accept that and move on. I was genuinely enthusiastic about it after our meet Saturday, but each day that petered off.

I hadn't thought about it like someone else said though as far as if I have the number, just use it and it being weird to go back to communicating on EH.

But, from my and her perspective, she had made the comment before that she was a bit of an introvert and shy so I just didn't want to come on all strong and start calling right away either especially after just a "meet," and not even a real date you know? I emailed her on EH after because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.