BreeJ is offline BreeJ Post #1  March 26,2011, 10:24pm

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I met a man on eHarmony, I like him, he's honest, caring and patient. We haven't met face to face yet because we are on the opposite side of earth, just have been chatting for a couple of weeks via emails and skype everyday. He tries to show me his life by sending me a lot pictures of his work, life and even his family. But now it turns out that he wants to have sex chat EVERYDAY which is somehow weird to me. When sometimes I said no, he will find an other topic to keep the conversation going. But I'm scared and confused, is it common for guys to do this, or he's somehow offensive? Please give me some advice, thank you all.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  March 26,2011, 10:53pm
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Hi BreeJ ... welcome to EHAdvice!

Do you not want to do sex chats at all, or just not EVERYDAY?

Either way, be clear with him what you're willing or not willing to do. If you're not comfortable doing sex chats with someone, then don't do it. Have you told him clearly "I do not want to do that"? If you've sometimes gone along with it, or said "not right now", he might think it's ok with you. Be clear with him!

I don't know how common this behavior is. It's only happened to me with men who were obvious cyber-creeps. If a man I had never met wanted to have cyber/phone sex with me, I would assume they're really just looking for cyber/phone sex. Even if they also engage in conversation, send me pictures, etc. Remember, you don't know this guy. Those could be pictures of anyone.
 
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beachgirl5 is offline beachgirl5 Post #3  March 26,2011, 11:20pm
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It's offensive. VERY.

Had you given some some sign that you wanted to have sex chat, that's one thing. But this post suggests you didn't.

No man who has any respect for a developing relationship would instigate this without overt signs from you.

This is extremely inappropriate if you are not happily participating and should tell you you're not dealing with a keeper.

Cyber creep sounds about right!
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #4  March 27,2011, 5:30am
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BreeJ wrote :
I met a man on eHarmony, I like him, he's honest, caring and patient. We haven't met face to face yet because we are on the opposite side of earth, just have been chatting for a couple of weeks via emails and skype everyday. He tries to show me his life by sending me a lot pictures of his work, life and even his family. But now it turns out that he wants to have sex chat EVERYDAY which is somehow weird to me. When sometimes I said no, he will find an other topic to keep the conversation going. But I'm scared and confused, is it common for guys to do this, or he's somehow offensive? Please give me some advice, thank you all.
Have you thought about limiting you distance settings? If you give it more time, you are likely to find someone with these characteristics who lives much closer to you.

For me, a guy who is patient and caring wouldn't be initiating phone sex before we've even met.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  March 27,2011, 6:54am
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I brought up sex before meeting. It's a critical point of compatibility in a romantic relationship, and there's no point in meeting at if my match isn't on the same page. I do not personally do "phone sex," however.

***

I do not consider it weird, just a personal preferance. If it's not your preferance, and you can't negotiate to a reasonable arrangement you can agree on, then you have an incompatibility.

Though, an incompatibility in preferances for pre-meeting communication is one case when living with it - since pre-meeting communication will never again be a factor after meeting, the problem fixes itself.

There is some risk the person will not in fact meet, but is simply using his online potrayal as an entertainment, and is thus using you (this seems to be a common problem, so although you are only wasting time, it's worth keeping in mind with any match.)

Personally, I tend to accept some level of incompatibility in communication style (typically, this means I will grant some phone calls prior to meeting, though I detest phone calls.) I allow this because of the inherant limited duration of the pre-meeting phase.

Which brings us to the point that actually matters: planning a meeting (and planning an actual distance relationship and subsequent relocation.) I'd be 99% focused on that.
 
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Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #6  March 27,2011, 7:09am
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BreeJ wrote :
I met a man on eHarmony, I like him, he's honest, caring and patient. We haven't met face to face yet because we are on the opposite side of earth, just have been chatting for a couple of weeks via emails and skype everyday. He tries to show me his life by sending me a lot pictures of his work, life and even his family. But now it turns out that he wants to have sex chat EVERYDAY which is somehow weird to me. When sometimes I said no, he will find an other topic to keep the conversation going. But I'm scared and confused, is it common for guys to do this, or he's somehow offensive? Please give me some advice, thank you all.
I’ve talked with a few people who were very forward but never with anyone who has creeped me out and I’m sorry you had to experience this. I have also meet matches who were on the other side of the globe and it is safe as long as you keep your wits about you and use common sense.

However, this guy seems to be taking liberties that you are not comfortable with which suggests to me that he may not respect personal boundaries implied or clearly stated. Please be careful sweetheart. It may be wise just to close this match and invest your time in someone who demonstrates better judgment.
 
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myusernamehere is offline myusernamehere Post #7  March 27,2011, 7:14am
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He's trash. You should drop him like a bad habit.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #8  March 27,2011, 7:27am
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In LDR, phone sex and sex chatting is not uncommon. However, it is way to earlier on to consider yourself in a relationship and so I'd say it is inappropriate if it makes you uncomfortable. Remember, *you* are responsible for setting your own boundaries *and* communicating them to your partner. If, after you do that, your partner doesn't respect them, you know it is time to move on.
 
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