Unemployed: To Tell or Not To Tell?


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Stoneybeachbum is offline Stoneybeachbum Post #1  January 26,2011, 1:09pm
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So I have a dilemma. Unfortunately I was laid off January 1 of this year, due to no fault of my own. My company was simply downsizing. My EH profile still lists my former occupation so my Matches still think I'm employed.

When I communicate or even go out on a date with any of my matches, should I mention that I'm unemployed when asked or should I twist the truth? Inevitably, the question about where I work is going to come up in conversation. I want to be completely honest and tell the truth but I'm worried that she may think I'm just an out of work loser if I do. On the other hand, if I lie, do I look worse in the long run if a relationship ensues and she finds out I was not truthful?
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #2  January 26,2011, 1:37pm
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Dont just say you are unemployed...explain your situation in detail only when you meet.

If they ask about what you do you can mention the field your in if you are in a stable profession so right now you are looking for jobs in the same profession but with a different company.

You will have some women who will jump on you and close you if they think you are unemployed but given the economic climate right now its more understandable and accepting.

This actually may be a good character test on the women because many feel its the mans obligation to work while they dont have to.
 
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butternut is offline butternut Post #3  January 26,2011, 1:47pm
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Don't lie - first of all you are not an out of work loser, you were downsized, it could happen to anyone. Remember that lying or twisting the truth results in other lies or more twist to bolster the original lie. Bad road to travel down. And if you do hit it off with someone you will have this issue that is hanging over your head that will have to be cleaned up - don't put yourself in that position. Most people do not like being bald faced lied to. I guarantee you the issue of work will come up quickly. And I understand how uncomfortable it makes you feel. If I were you I would have a brief, matter of fact statement prepared for the question. This way you won't feel caught off guard, you won't stammer and the knee jerk reaction to twist things won't be there. If it's a deal breaker - so be it.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #4  January 26,2011, 1:49pm
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Don't lie. I wouldn't bring up work related topics. If she brings it up simply say you were laid off due to down sizing at the beginning of the year. There is no shame in this.

Some women will leave ya because of this but the good ones will not.

However, if you lied about it, it would be an insta-deal breaker for me. Not the not being employed but the lying.
 
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kayla4brains is offline kayla4brains Post #5  January 26,2011, 2:09pm
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I agree with the majority here: unemployment = not a deal breaker if the circumstances are understandable. lying = deal breaker.
In my experiences so far, those that skirt around the issue of employment raises a red flag for me because they tend to also skirt around other things, are evasive about certain undesirable truths in their lives...etc...
While I don't expect a full life story on the first date, most situations are more understandable if they're told with confidence and as a matter of fact...not skirting around and trying to make the situation sound better than it actually is. The right person will understand these things.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #6  January 26,2011, 2:11pm
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Stoneybeachbum wrote :
When I communicate or even go out on a date with any of my matches, should I mention that I'm unemployed when asked or should I twist the truth? ....On the other hand, if I lie, do I look worse in the long run if a relationship ensues and she finds out I was not truthful?
Never lie, even for a "good reason", because you will inevitably get "found out", and that would only lead to mistrust.

Everyone knows this is a very hard economy. Unemployment benefits in this country have been extended again and again because the work is just not out there. This is not a poor reflection on you. With your explanation, this would not be a deal-breaker for me, unless you lied about it. Not everyone will accept this scenario, but if you are honest about it up front, you may be pleasantly surprised at the reaction from your dates.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #7  January 26,2011, 2:13pm
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I agree with everyone else so far. You've only been unemployed about four weeks. You don't need to put it in your profile, but you shouldn't lie about it when you meet in person. As long as you're looking for another job, it's no big deal.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  January 26,2011, 3:45pm
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I consider it honest to list a profession or occupation is a profile. This is permanent (unless you are in the midst of changing it.)

That's different from a job. A job is what you have at a specific employer. These are not permanent.

You will note the field title is usually "occupation," not "job," on a dating site profile. Therefore it is honest to continue to use the occupation (as long as you intend to remain in the same occupation.)

***

Things get harder if you are poorly prepared (such that your lifestyle is taking a hit), intent on changing professions, or realistically having to accept that you're unlikely to find a new job in the same field or at the same compensation.

If you wish to bias the view your matches have, better than lying is to return to school (even if one or two night classes), or seek consulting or temporary work, or some entreprenurial activity. The good news is that all of those are wise choices anyway, so the dating benefit is gravy.

***

I would also be okay with a partner who wished to reduce spending / consumption, including common dating consumtpion, but I would not accept a partner who expected me to pay for their consumption due to being unemployed.
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #9  January 26,2011, 4:03pm
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Ditto to the other posts...whatever you do...don't lie about it...that shouldn't even be a thought to do this...

If you are actively looking...or financial solvent to be taking a nice hiatus for a bit...then just mention this when the topic comes up...not in detail, but more so like..I am able to take a bit of time to look for something that will be a good fit"...or.."We were hoping to avoid the layoffs in our company..but like so many others...it was inevitable..however..I am excited about the possibilites of starting some place new..what do you do for a living?"...

Just the bare minimum needs to be shared as I've found asking about jobs is just a natural topic that comes up in most dates...

If you are actually stressed about your finances right now...and need to put all your focus on finding another job...then you might want to postpone dating for a bit until you get settled...because this would come through as well on the dates..

The details are no one's business...and I agree that leaving your 'profession' in the slot is perfectly acceptable.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #10  January 26,2011, 4:12pm
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When they ask you what your job/occupation is you could say "I am an electrical engineer" and if they ask where you work initially you can claim privacy on this one..so its likely you wouldnt be asked...but if she continues you could say I am unemployed now because I got laid off by xyz (and it likely was in the local news).
 
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