SimplySterling is offline SimplySterling Post #1  January 3,2011, 5:37pm
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Hi guys,

I could use some advice. The scenario: I've been dating someone(mutually exclusive) for about 6months now. I've known since day 1 he would be getting deployed this month and spending a year overseas. We both decided to give it a shot anyways. I wouldn't define our relationship as serious, we're more like one or two steps up from casual. When I first got into this, I thought 6mos would be enough to decide if I wanted to pursue this relationship further. Now we are here, and honestly, I'm not sure.

On one hand, I think the reason we haven't become serious is that we both know we will be separated for a year. On the other hand, I'm not really interested in continuing the relationship "as is," because I want more. If he were not leaving, I would have discussed this with him and broken it off if he was not interested in more.

I thought I was totally good with dating other people for a year and seeing where we both are when he gets back. However, last night I was browsing the online dating sites and realized I really want him, and not anyone else.

I know he genuinely cares for me. We are not at the "I love you" point yet (at least I'm not). He does refer to seeing me again when he gets back, so I don't think he anticipates it totally ending when he leaves. We do plan to stay in contact when he's overseas.

Any advice on how to best handle this situation? Should I tell him I'm interested in something more serious when he comes back? Should I give up on it because if it was going to be serious, it probably would have been by now? Should I stick to my original "Wait, date, and then re-negotiate" plan?

My main goals at this point are keeping his stress level in regards to me to a minimum.

Thanks in advance, especially to anyone with military experience!
 
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scandalous is offline scandalous Post #2  January 3,2011, 9:33pm
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Hi SimplySterling,

My guy and I are both in the military, and have been in a LDR for a number of months. His home is on the east coast and my home is on the west coast, and he is currently in another state (from where he lives) to attend a military school.

We have no idea what our relationship will be like--as far as what our "future" will be. One or both of us can be deployed at any time, so we can't really make any long-term plans or promises. The only promise that we are able to make to each other right now is to be faithful.

My best advice I can give is to take it one day at a time. I can only speak for my own feelings, but I can honestly say I am totally devoted to him, he is my one and only, and I would like to be with him always. He has said that he has no worries, he knows I will not cheat on him, and I know he will not cheat either.

We do our best to stay connected, either text, phone, email, Skype. We talk about daily stuff that goes on in our lives, but we do not bring problems or stress to each other. Sometimes we vent to each other, but it's just a vent. Because we are physically apart, I can't expect him to "fix" anything for me. I try to work out things many times without telling him until after. I tell him how I resolved it, this way he does not have to worry about stuff when we are apart.

Our relationship does not feel like "work", because he and I are able to communicate well. I think it also helps that we can see things from the other person's perspective, and there is no drama. When we are able to keep in touch, there is an appreciation for all of these little moments, never being upset that there isn't enough time spent for each other.

I don't think you should tell him you wish for things to be more serious. He might not be in the mindset of making any promises, and it might feel like "pressure". Just take it as it goes, go with the flow. You will know better as you are keeping in touch and even more when he gets back.

Feel free to PM if you would like.
Good luck!!
 
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annother is offline annother Post #3  January 4,2011, 4:43am
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Since you have not made any commitments to each other, it seems unreasonable to me to make any romantic contracts at this point. Neither is there any need to break it off entirely.

My recommendation is that you free each other so that he can fulfil his military duties whole-heartedly and you can enjoy an active social life. It does not necessarily mean that you will actively seek another partner, but that is a possibility.

You don't have enough invested in the relationship for either of you to make demands of loyalty on the other, so it's probably best to maintain a friendship without trying to sustain a romance.
 
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