Unavailable (?) and on eHarmony


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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #11  December 29,2010, 4:28pm
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Whenever you're ready, whether it be date 1 or date 100. Caring what others think of you for sleeping with anyone on the first date or few gives other people too much power and control over your life.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #12  December 29,2010, 11:18pm
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You could have sex within the first hour of meeting someone ... and end up happily together for the next 50 years. Or, never see him again. You have to be ok with potential outcomes for the choices you make.

So ... the answer is: Whenever you want ... but if having sex means emotional commitment to you, it's probably better to wait longer. It doesn't mean that, to everyone.
 
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Anthurium is offline Anthurium Post #13  December 30,2010, 2:37pm
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Gift was returned today with a gracious note explaining that I simply cannot accept it given that he's focusing his attentions elsewhere. In response to his Christmas card saying he hoped my Christmas was everything I wanted, I said, no, I hadn't planned on having to ask Santa yet again to bring me a mature available man ready for a serious relationship. Time to move on! Thanks everyone for your thoughts.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is online now SteveManchesterEngland Post #14  December 31,2010, 12:26pm
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Anthurium wrote :
Gift was returned today with a gracious note explaining that I simply cannot accept it given that he's focusing his attentions elsewhere. In response to his Christmas card saying he hoped my Christmas was everything I wanted, I said, no, I hadn't planned on having to ask Santa yet again to bring me a mature available man ready for a serious relationship. Time to move on! Thanks everyone for your thoughts.
That wasn't a gracious note! It was a note rejecting him! I'm proud of you!

If he still persues you after that then it just confirms he is a player and you would be insane to respond to any further contact from him.
 
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Anthurium is offline Anthurium Post #15  January 1,2011, 5:33pm
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Thanks Steve! I'm having a mildly wobbly day and that helps. I did do healthy, fun things - brunch and a movie with friends, did NOT go out, overindulge and drunk dial last night (actually have deleted contact info from my phone). Here's to a FAR FAR better year and decade than the last one!
 
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CalalumniMD is offline CalalumniMD Post #16  January 3,2011, 8:26am
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First, I believe your guy. Absence makes the heart grow fonder...and when an ex is moving forward and dating, the past relationship suddenly doesn't look so bad. She contacted him and wanted another chance. He obviously had unfinished business and hopes that this time things will work out.And he was honest with you. However, I am very sorry. I truly understand how hurtful this feels. As to when to sleep with another man, I don't think there is a hard fast rule. If you are looking for a LTR and think the next man may be the one, it may be wise to go SLOW and get to know him well before sleeping with him. Of course, when you sleep with someone do not assume you have an exclusive relationship until you two have talked about it and agreed to it. Typically this is a decision made in months rather than weeks which may indicate more neediness and fear of being alone rather an authentic emotional connection.Hope this is helpful. Again, I am so sorry for your disappointment;it's very apparent you thought he was the one. This is not your fault. You cannot control his feelings and behavior.
BTW, I am practicing the advice I am giving you. The man I am now dating, and I have talked. We have made a mutual decision to go slow and see if an emotional connection develops between us. If it does, then we will proceed with intimacy, knowing that will also be an evolving issue. We are talking months not weeks. We don't know if we have what we both need for a LTR. If we don't, at least it won't be complicated by sex (and we are physically attracted to one another).
Happy New Year! and Best wishes to you!
 
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