I have a child with Down Syndrome...


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Sweetpeace1 is offline Sweetpeace1 Post #1  December 28,2010, 8:25am
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I have mentioned this in my eH profile....I fear this is why i'm not getting any responses (or am I neurotic?).
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #2  December 28,2010, 8:58am
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It may be, but anyone who passes based only on that is missing out. I know a few people with down syndrome; they are wonderful people and I'm always happy to spend time with them.

People will say otherwise, but I think it's ok to reveal private information a little later in the getting to know you process. You should mention you are a parent, but if your child's medical diagnosis wouldn't be something you'd mention to a perfect stranger, it's ok to hold off until phone/first meet when fewer assumptions will be made and you can answer questions.
Last edited by lunabeach; December 28,2010 at 9:02am.
 
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peacefulharp is offline peacefulharp Post #3  December 28,2010, 10:42am
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Hi Sweetpeace,

Welcome to the boards!

While having a child with Downs may scare some men away, it will not scare all. Take heart that you are weeding those out who would ultimately not be a good fit anyways.

I agree with Lunabeach that it is not necessary to reveal personal information on your profile if you prefer not to. Mention you have a child, have a first meet and if it seems like things are going well, then you could talk in person. That gives your match a chance to meet you and also ask any questions he may have.

If you hang around the boards long enough, you will find that most people lament the lack of responses they receive. So, no, you're not neurotic! You're simply experiencing what the rest of us have already discovered about eH and other dating sites.

One thing I learned the hard way about eH in particular - many of the matches you receive are not active matches. Meaning they are old profiles who closed but did not stop matching, or are non paying members who cannot communicate unless it is a free communication weekend. So take heart - although it appears that you're getting a bunch of matches, not all of them are live matches who can communicate.

So it's not you - it's simply the way Internet dating works (or doesn't work, as the case may be ).

Best of luck to you!
PH
Last edited by peacefulharp; December 28,2010 at 10:46am.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  December 28,2010, 2:12pm
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When there's a bunch of similar matches you have to accept that a major concern is going to cause most people to just move to the next match.

I advocate not disclosing personal medical conditions until the disclosure is needed based on a specific typle of planned activity. I would do the same, here. (It's also an easy test of the theory: take out the disclosure, and see if your matching improves.)

***

Estimates are that about 85% of matches are abandoned profiles, who won't write or reply at all.

Also, are you writing the men you're interested in? (You should be.)
 
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Sweetpeace1 is offline Sweetpeace1 Post #5  December 28,2010, 3:59pm
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Great feed back! I feel so much better...just sit back and relax I guess. Concerns me that the number of matches are actually Abandoned or Old profiles..!! Yikes, why am I paying for this site then if it's not being maintained...I suppose I should direct this question in another forum I guess.

xo Kim
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #6  December 28,2010, 4:13pm
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It could be - but if they do pass you over for this, then they're clearly not a good match.

I agree with the others that you could certainly hold off on mentioning until further in the process. I had one match explain in open communication that his son was autistic and exactly what that meant in terms of his abilities, level of care, etc. I thought that was appropriate and appreciated the way he handled.

I feel putting it on the profile doesn't really give anyone any details or context (so people are left to jump to conclusions)- probably something better addressed as you're getting to know someone.
 
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margaret18 is offline margaret18 Post #7  December 28,2010, 4:59pm
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i have had several matches say in their profiles that they have special children. in one case someone mentioned downs syndrome.

i considered this a PLUS. that is because i know what parenting this kind of child does for and to people.

i am a woman though, and a quirky one at that.

in any case, i have complete faith there is a man out there who would embrace you and your child with open arms. he may not be on EH right now for you, but hes out there somewhere.

good luck to you.
 
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SkinsGiants_fan is offline SkinsGiants_fan Post #8  December 28,2010, 10:27pm
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peacefulharp wrote :
While having a child with Downs may scare some men away, it will not scare all. Take heart that you are weeding those out who would ultimately not be a good fit anyways.
This is commonly said, so I'm not picking on you, but I'm not sure it always holds true. Sometimes people shy away due to fear of the unknown or unfamiliar. Once the unknown/unfamiliar becomes known and is a little less scary, they find themselves pleasantly surprised.

I don't think it's necessary to mention the DS in your profile; if you like each other you can bring it up a few dates in, though of course you should reveal it before you get too involved with the guy.
 
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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #9  December 29,2010, 2:07am
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I don't have a daughter who has Down's Syndrome, but I do have one that has a genetic mutation so rare that it doesn't even have a name. I don't mention it on my profile, just like I don't volunteer any info about my other "normal" daughter. I only put that I have kids, and that's that. Strangers don't need to know anything about them.
 
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peacefulharp is offline peacefulharp Post #10  December 29,2010, 8:45am
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SkinsGiants_fan wrote :
This is commonly said, so I'm not picking on you, but I'm not sure it always holds true. Sometimes people shy away due to fear of the unknown or unfamiliar. Once the unknown/unfamiliar becomes known and is a little less scary, they find themselves pleasantly surprised.
That is a good point, SkinsGiants. Even more reason to not include this information in a profile and bring it up in person so that her match(es) have the chance to ask questions and talk about it.
 
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