Good E-mail but No Spark

Good E-mail but No Spark

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Good E-mail but No Spark


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eharmonyadvice is offline eharmonyadvice — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  April 15,2007, 4:56pm

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Q. For a little over a month I e-mailed back and forth with a match whose pictures looked great and the e-mails evoked really deep feelings—it was surprising. But then we met...
 
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739Karen is offline 739Karen Post #2  May 9,2007, 9:57am
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HI, I have had several men make dates with me and give me a day within a week. But they are unsure of the time, place or if they can really make it because they have to check on one thing or another. They will tell me they will call the next day to confirm, then don't call. Which really upsets me. Am I wrong to be upset? How long should I wait for them to contact me. Should I give them another day? Should I contact them? Or keep doing what I have been doing lately which is tell them when and if they call that I'm only interested in dating men who follow through on what they tell me they are going to do? I appreciate you feedback. Enjoy the day, Karen
 
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744Susan is offline 744Susan Post #3  May 9,2007, 11:45am
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I think it depends on the situation. I would casually call to see if we were still on, and if he canceled or continued to dodge, I would politely get off the phone (saying, "Well, okay, great - just wanted to make sure. Have a great night") and the next time he asked me out like that, I'd politely decline or even not take his phone call. If he asked why, I'd be cute about it and say flirtatiously something like, "Well, time is precious. It isn't proper to keep a lady waiting" (wink). If you leave a message and no one calls you back, well, unless some major catastrophe happened, that man doesn't value your time, and well, there are much better men out there. Dating doesn't have to be totally about strict rules and it's okay to be casual, but there is one rule that always applies: too casual equals not interested enough. Whatever you do, though, keep it positive. Never be snippy or passive-aggressive, even if you're seething. I know it's hard, but keep your sunny side up.

My mom and grandmother (who were both experts with men - somehow I didn't get that gene -haha...) used to say, always appear busy, and if it's just an appearance, you better fill up your life with things that you like that will make you busy; meaning - get into activities and hobbies that you like, and men will flock to you because you're exciting and active, and frankly, you don't make those men your top priority, so they feel like they have to chase you.
 
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763Carolyn is offline 763Carolyn Post #4  May 11,2007, 1:16pm
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I agree with the advice in the above paragraph!
 
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793Keith is offline 793Keith Post #5  May 14,2007, 6:26pm
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Honestly, if a guy is serious he'll be straight and let you know. If you get the run around, run. Also at the same time guys "try" to play hard to get, much like women so choose wisely and be carefull. There's alot of weird people out there. Come on ladies no need to play hard to get just be honest about it your time will come. Good luck all-Keith
 
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826Mike is offline 826Mike Post #6  May 19,2007, 7:22pm
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If I don't feel anything when I'm with a woman, it feels like dating my sister. I did once -for a "must show" event that I got three "no's" for. Compatability without chemistry is a professional friendship, not true love. Sorry, I want the gold ring.

Best regards,

Mike
 
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837Sheri is offline 837Sheri Post #7  May 20,2007, 6:20pm
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Hi! I agree with Susan and Keith.

Keep on keepin' on; and do the things that make YOU happy-so that if that special person comes along, icing on the cake, and if not-NO extra calories! :-)

When YOU'RE a happy camper, others will note it; as the saying goes : laughter is contagious, and I believe happiness is too!!

God Bless and happy searching to all!!
 
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848James is offline 848James Post #8  May 21,2007, 9:20pm
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Chemistry is very important. But don't just throw away a potential relationship from one date. There are too many variables to determine the cause of the lack of chemistry on the first date. Maybe the guy or girl did not get enough sleep the night before... maybe he or she just wants to get to know you better... etc. I'm sure countless successful marriages have resulted from those that did not feel the instant chemistry on the first date. What a lot of men and women don't realize is that developing chemistry takes time (more power to the ones that can develop it faster). But the bottom line is, NEVER throw away a potential relationship when the chemistry isn't there. Give it a few dates, and it will blossom if it was meant to be. But do not decide the rest of your life based upon one date.
 
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890Connie is offline 890Connie Post #9  May 28,2007, 7:09pm
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James, what wonderful advice! I'm currently dating this man who is everything any woman would want; however, I'm not every woman. We have had 4 dates and I'm still questioning the chemistry. Several woman, with successful marriages that didn't begin with instant chemistry, have instructed me to continue until I'm 100% certain that the chemistry is absent and will not develop over time.
Time will tell......
 
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916SHEILA is offline 916SHEILA Post #10  May 31,2007, 6:31pm
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I met a man and we talked from 200am until 430pm the next day. Yeah a loooong time I know. We just really were intrested in each other but weeks later when we kissed i felt next to nothing. The physical umph was not there at all. I almost decided to end it before I wasted any more time but a girlfriend told me to give it more time. Well, I did and what do you know? Out of nowhere one day he looked at me across a crowded room and the hairs on my arms just stood right up literally. My friend was there and it blew her mind. I have heard about that on TV shows but not in real life. We stayed together until he died 18months and 3 days after i meet him. He died six weeks before we married. I can say that because I gave it more time to develope real feelings not just infatuation I learned what it like to have your man make you feel like he belives you walk on water. He was aw inspireing and I will miss him always but after almost 5 years I feel I can finally move on with my hopes, my dreams, my life and my heart. I hope to find that type of eternal love again. I have learned that if you can let someone in that deep once(which is rare)then with the right man I can do it again. I look forward to loving someone like that again and them me. The moral of the story is with out giving it extra time to develope I would have missed out on a love you usually only find in a sonnet.
 
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