mountain_mama is offline mountain_mama Post #1  August 9,2010, 4:31pm
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Hi, I find myself in need of unbiased insight...

I have a new colleague that I find terribly smart and sexy and kind. I am attracted to him to say the least, and though I know it can be risky to pursue someone in a work setting, there aren't rules or policies against it. Also, we do not work in the same department or even the same building. Secondly, I am trying to figure out if he is as interested in me as I am in him. I thought he was, but now I am wondering if I just saw what I wanted to see?

Our interactions happened mostly in large group settings, after work with fellow friends and colleagues. I thought we had chemistry and worked up the courage to ask him to hang out and maybe catch a movie with me. He accepted my invite and we had a really nice time...he even picked me up, though I offered to meet him at the theater. After the movie, he commented on how much he enjoyed the evening and said something about enjoying getting to know me better. He sent me an email the next day to continue the conversation we started in the car, and from there, we have been exchanging emails pretty regularly. We have hung out a few times since then with fellow friends and it has been nice. Last week he invited me to his house for dinner, but at the last minute, emailed me to say he had also invited one of our mutual friends. I was a little bummed and thought, OK he isn't interested in being along with me and doesn't want to send that message. It's more like, he is just being a nice guy. Our friend wasn't able to join us, so in the end, it was just the two of us. He made dinner and we shared easy conversation. The evening flew by and when I finally looked at my watch, it was after 11pm! I thanked him for dinner and the evening and left to go home. I've had a busy few days since this, so I haven't really talked with him, but we have exchanged emails.

I am rarely attracted to anyone so quickly, but I like this guy and am wondering if we do have something worth pursuing. It is really difficult for me to open up and put myself out there, and I am wondering if it isn't especially foolish to pursue a colleague? Furthermore, do I really have grounds for thinking he is interested in me when in actuality, he may just be a nice guy searching to make new friends.

I would love to hear from those who have experiences in this area, good or bad. I am in my late 20s (he is in his mid 30s) but feel like a silly girl with a crush and would like to avoid becoming a love sick fool before its too late! Thanks for reading and for comments!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  August 9,2010, 6:01pm
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It sounds to me like this person is interested, to have spent this time with you already. It is possible he sees you as a friend, or simply some social company, though I would be encouraged.

I would have a relationship with a co-worker without hesitation (all of the companies I have worked for had married employees.)

In my case, my only rules would be that I will not date beneath myself, and I would not do causual or "fling" types of dating.

In my opinion, your best choice is to ask to clarify his desires and expectations. I would indicate I wanted a romantic relationship, directly.
 
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bretagne89 is offline bretagne89 Post #3  August 9,2010, 6:03pm
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Since you guys have already spent time together outside of work, maybe you should suggest hanging out again. Since you've talked to him, you should know his taste somewhat--suggest something you'd know he'd like. If he likes Asian food, suggest that you check out a great local place together. If he seems comfortable with it being just the two of you, I'd take that as a good sign. If not, then you can always spend time together as friends if you want.

This advice is all coming from someone who's on the more go-getter end of things. If you want him to entirely pursue you, then do nothing and see what happens, I suppose.
 
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bretagne89 is offline bretagne89 Post #4  August 9,2010, 6:06pm
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And I agree with D_Lion's advice on dating a colleague--it's fine but typically something where you should go for a relationship, not a fling. Flings just make for an awkward workplace later on.
 
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