twigglytoes is offline twigglytoes Post #1  August 8,2010, 9:00am
twigglytoes's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2010

Posts: 1

See profile

If I see a profile that interests me is it ok for me to initiate contact? I ask because I know that as a woman it is better for me to be persued than to be the persuer. I figure they can persue once I have let them know that I am interested.
 
  Reply With Quote
livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #2  August 8,2010, 9:24am
livenlearn's Avatar

Yay! spring has sprung.

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

cosmos

Posts: 3,439

See profile

Yes, do initiate.
Dont get all upset if they dont answer though. They may not even be a paying member but go for it anyway!
 
  Reply With Quote
RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #3  August 8,2010, 9:54am

Unregistered

Joined: May 2009

Northwest

Posts: 3,239

See profile

As 'live and learn' mentions, don't count on matches actually being available to communicate with you.

You've paid money to eH to find matches, so to get the best value for your dating investment, I suggest you consider that "A woman never calls a man" stuff as right back in the dark ages with old technology. Not necessarily appropriate to the here and now.

When I am using eH, I figure about 80-90% of my matches can't even contact me because they are no longer members, have never been members, signed up on Free Weekends or as an impulse. In any case, many many of them no longer look at their eH account. And even if they did, if they aren't members they can't contact you.

I initiate contact with all of the matches who have a picture and filled out profile. I send First Questions and see if they reply. A few might but the majority will not. After one or two weeks, I close those matches who haven't replied and eH kindly sends me a new crop.

This has worked well for me in the past-And good luck! Enjoy the process but don't forget that internet dating is just one way of meeting people..you need to be out and doing things too-I meet more people IRL than on eH or Match lists...

Good Luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
frogprince is offline frogprince Post #4  August 8,2010, 10:13am
frogprince's Avatar

is at home.

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 774

See profile

twigglytoes wrote :
If I see a profile that interests me is it ok for me to initiate contact? I ask because I know that as a woman it is better for me to be persued than to be the persuer. I figure they can persue once I have let them know that I am interested.
Yeah definitely initiate contact. I never heard of a guy who didn't like it when a girl initiated communication.
 
  Reply With Quote
jeepflower is offline jeepflower Post #5  August 8,2010, 1:56pm
jeepflower's Avatar

is happy to be working!

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2010

SoCal

Posts: 132

See profile

Yep, definitely! I regularly initiate contact if I come across a good profile, and sometimes I get responses, something I don't. Kind of a crapshoot, like dating itself
 
  Reply With Quote
Lyonbrd7 is offline Lyonbrd7 Post #6  August 8,2010, 2:12pm
Lyonbrd7's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2010

Posts: 1

See profile

As a woman, I want to be pursued by a man who desires to pursue me. I believe in putting myself out there and giving it to the Lord. Even online, I have made a pact with myself, my friends, and God not to pursue a man. I do not initiate contact. Although especially in "real life" I would try to make myself more approachable with signals. I know that not many people hold this view especially for meeting online but it is something that I value deeply. I know that as long as I am pursuing God and not being a hermit, eventually it will happen. If it doesn't, that's okay. The first thing on my non-negotiable list besides that the man will love God more than me is that he will pursue me.
 
  Reply With Quote
kneo24 is offline kneo24 Post #7  August 8,2010, 2:59pm
kneo24's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 150

See profile

Lyonbrd7 wrote :
As a woman, I want to be pursued by a man who desires to pursue me. I believe in putting myself out there and giving it to the Lord. Even online, I have made a pact with myself, my friends, and God not to pursue a man. I do not initiate contact. Although especially in "real life" I would try to make myself more approachable with signals. I know that not many people hold this view especially for meeting online but it is something that I value deeply. I know that as long as I am pursuing God and not being a hermit, eventually it will happen. If it doesn't, that's okay. The first thing on my non-negotiable list besides that the man will love God more than me is that he will pursue me.
Being submissive your entire life is a sure fire way to let people walk all over you. If you're using online dating and you're paying for a service, make the most out of it. The majority of men out there don't care that a woman will take some initiative to approach a man. It's actually a breathe of fresh air to be honest. For once I'm not the one throwing my ego and pride on the line, and if a woman is confident enough to make her interest in me that obvious, maybe I do want to get to know her.

Trust me, there's nothing so special about you that you are worth the chase. That is, unless you have the midas touch or some other awesome ability that you're not sharing with us.
 
  Reply With Quote
margaret18 is offline margaret18 Post #8  August 8,2010, 3:16pm
margaret18's Avatar

back home, this must be the place

Pacesetter

Joined: Apr 2010

NY

Posts: 349

See profile

Lyonbrd7 wrote :
As a woman, I want to be pursued by a man who desires to pursue me. I believe in putting myself out there and giving it to the Lord. Even online, I have made a pact with myself, my friends, and God not to pursue a man. I do not initiate contact. Although especially in "real life" I would try to make myself more approachable with signals. I know that not many people hold this view especially for meeting online but it is something that I value deeply. I know that as long as I am pursuing God and not being a hermit, eventually it will happen. If it doesn't, that's okay. The first thing on my non-negotiable list besides that the man will love God more than me is that he will pursue me.
hmmmmm, not trying to convince you or anything, just posting my thought.

if god can be at work on his end why not on your end too? if you like someone your impulse is coming from somewhere too.
 
  Reply With Quote
Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #9  August 8,2010, 3:18pm
Dropdeadredtx's Avatar

Still listening for the jingle of dog tags that isn't there...

Board Leader - Books

Joined: Apr 2010

Houston

Posts: 14,632

See profile

I think that if you are not willing to initate contact, you have no business expecting success in online dating. This is 2010, not 1910, ladies.
 
  Reply With Quote
RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #10  August 8,2010, 3:20pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2009

Northwest

Posts: 3,239

See profile

Lyonbrd7 wrote :
As a woman, I want to be pursued by a man who desires to pursue me. I believe in putting myself out there and giving it to the Lord. Even online, I have made a pact with myself, my friends, and God not to pursue a man. I do not initiate contact\
.
snip, etc etc etc

This is all well and good for you, but slightly impractical when using online dating. If you are paying for a subscription to eH, aren't you entitled to get the full benefit of your investment?

Online dating does not give us the advantage of making ourselves approachable.

The OP's thread was directed specifically towards internet dating sites.

While you are surely entitled to your opinions, as a first post I found this slightly superior sounding and amazingly unhelpful.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Is there really any such thing as "Closure"? | Ask a Dating Expert | I need help with the past »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Am I doing something wrong by initiating contact? I thought guys liked that...? ineedalittlepatience Using eHarmony 12 March 23,2010 7:39pm
Valentines Day First contact? 2clueless Using eHarmony 8 February 14,2010 3:29pm
Wehn can I expect SOME physical contact from a guy? lite_lemonade Dating 36 September 21,2009 8:38pm
Contact Every Match Robert_inSD Using eHarmony 5 August 19,2009 5:46am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Does he date women his own age? Who pays? If he still hasn't called by tonight, should you call him? I can understand his read. It doesn't sound like you'll lose any sleep over Bill if you never ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“JNS - the way I handle these sparse/photoless profiles is to Archive them. If there is no photo, you can send a photo nudge. Also, keep an eye on the updates section on your home page. There it will ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Sparse profiles.” discussion

“ Thank you for your feedback, Sweetnectar. I've actually stopped the smoking thing because I'm not even sure why I do it when drinking. But I've also stopped receiving matches for now! No other ... ” –  Scott_in_LA

Join the “Profile and Pics Review, Please (M/38)” discussion

“List red flags for men Moderators are watching Get back on topic” –  harnomygirl

Join the “RED flags for men” discussion

“Here's the ad. Want your hair blown back? Trojan Vibrations Commercial Neighbors - YouTube You poor thing! Were you bad? Tweet ... This is the one, though now you did make me have to watch all ... ” –  Shelby

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“That's the whole point of me posting here instead of saying all this to him. Because I KNOW it's too much. So that's what I'm saying - I am backing off. I'm not pressing. I put the ball in his court ... ” –  Holiday_HH

Join the “I think I blew it...” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:39pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0