Tiffany23 is offline Tiffany23 Post #1  July 30,2010, 11:35am
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Does anyone have any thoughts as to why things ended as they did and why in the fashion that they did??
I recently started talking to someone from e-harmony and it quickly went from e-mail to text messages to long phone conversations. We quickly decided to meet in a public place that was half the distance for both of us for dinner and then followed by a baseball game. The time went extremely well and there was never a lack of communication. After the date had came to an ending he gave lots of hugs and acted like he wanted a kiss but I was unwilling, he then said he would talk to me soon. The next day I called him by phone, he told me that he had a family member that had passed away and quickly got off of the phone. I have not yet heard one word from him and believe that the death was just a way to get out of communicating with me.
Why would someone use such a horrible excuse to get out of a second date when it is just as easy to say that I do not see anything becoming with us?
Also, what did I do that made this person feel that they had to use such an excuse and what went terribly wrong on this date that I failed to see??
Any Thoughts?? Thanks
 
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annother is offline annother Post #2  July 30,2010, 11:53am
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I don't see anything wrong with your actions, based on this description.

If he was using a death in the family as a reason to delay communication, then that is legit. If he lied about that, then you don't want to get to know him any better. You already know what you think about him!

(By the way, I have read that it is better not to include your child in your profile picture for security reasons.)
 
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Tiffany23 is offline Tiffany23 Post #3  July 30,2010, 11:59am
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Thank you for your concern on the picture, it is my niece and not my child but I will post a new picture.
I think from his actions that the death was a made-up one and can not see how anyone would use such a statement?? After all the date seemed to go extremely well. I just did not know if I made a mistake somewhere along the way?
Sincerely Thank you again
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  July 30,2010, 12:21pm
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Hi Tiffany and welcome to EHA!

How long has it been since your date? If it's true that a close family member died and it hasn't been more than a couple weeks or so ... I'd tend to believe he's still really tied up with that. You could send him an email along the lines of "Thinking of you ... my condolences ... hope you and your family are ok."

Have you not experienced the death of someone close yet? It's earth-shattering. Cut him some slack!

On the other hand ... if it's been more than a couple weeks ... he might have "poofed". Weird, but a lot of people do that. You still could send the email and see what happens.

Bottom line: I wouldn't just write it off, just yet. Give him the benefit of the doubt. You've got nothing to lose here.
 
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Tiffany23 is offline Tiffany23 Post #5  July 30,2010, 12:34pm
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I have had close people to me pass away and I understand that as well as myself tend to pull away from everyone. It was just the manner that he said it and after sending him a message saying I'm sorry for your loss and if you need anything don't hesitate to call with no response that it was not the truth. If it had only been a week I could see no response but after over two weeks it seems weird. It may be the truth, maybe one day I will find out.
I guess I am just following my gutt feeling and having other guys tell me this before to find out that it was just a line makes me second guess.
Thanks for the advice
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #6  July 30,2010, 12:49pm
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I suggest not making any assumptions at this point, since you may not have a lot of information about his family obligations during this time. He may have been very close to this family member, and there could be extenuating circumstances that make dating a low priority.

Maybe give it a month and drop him an e-mail or phone call. Keep it light and let him know you were wondering how he was doing, In the meantime go on with other matches to keep your mind and heart somewhat occupied.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  July 30,2010, 3:07pm
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I think you need to start by coming to an understanding that while dating you are going to come across all kinds of people with all kinds of issues. Their problems are not a reflection of you or anything you've done wrong - it's a reflection of them.

Also, you will go on many fun dates and have a great time and then never hear from him again. Same thing - just because someone does not feel the same chemistry, interest or attraction does not make you faulty. If you are temped to go down that road, remember all the times where the guy thought it was the best date ever and you were not interested in him. There was nothing wrong with him and perhaps he was a perfectly great guy and the date was fun, ..... but.....whatever you need to proceed, you just did not feel. Always remember that it works the same way for men and women.
 
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milkman222 is offline milkman222 Post #8  July 30,2010, 6:28pm
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First of all nether one of us has any idea whether what he said was true on the phone but let's see if we can figure it out. Ok so here is my little secret he said a family member passed away but failed to mention who it was mother, aunt, uncle? Failing to tell you this information ment he was turning you down regardless if someone did die or not. He did not tell you any specifics because he was not trying to get close to you but simply the opposite push you away perhaps for what happened on the date. You said you failed to kiss him which may mean he felt rejected regardless of how the date went. I am assuming he has read articles on the internet on what to do to a women who rejects your adavances. Simple ignore them make excuses if you call anything to get you chasing him. I am not saying he is no longer interested only time will tell. If he gets in touch with you sometime soon well you will get some explanations for his actions. If not he has moved on to someone else who he fancies.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #9  July 30,2010, 7:43pm
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Of course you have no way of knowing if there was actually a death in the family or if it was just his standard excuse. The thing is, many of us have lots more first and second dates than we have 3rd fourth and fifth dates.

It's best to get used to dating many men once or twice, because thats often all it takes for you or he to know that the person isn't the right one for you.

You called him the next day-good for you. Now you haven't heard back so move on. Go to your next eH match and try again.

In the last couple of weeks, I have had 4 first meets with men-two of which I never expect to see the guy again, one I have another date with and one who I will contact this weekend if I don't hear from him.

I have absolutely no expectations about any of these men. I haven't spent enough time with them to decide if they are 'the one' or just a guy who I met for coffee.

Thats the way dating is right now..people move from date to date, searching for the person they click with.

I suggest you refrain from having expectations when you first meet a man-it saves ones self esteem to not count on something that, most likely, isn't going to occur.

Better ;luck next time!
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #10  July 30,2010, 9:45pm
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Tiffany23 wrote :
I have not yet heard one word from him and believe that the death was just a way to get out of communicating with me.
Why would someone use such a horrible excuse to get out of a second date when it is just as easy to say that I do not see anything becoming with us?
...quite simple, really ...it's a 'hoarders' mentality converted to the dating world. These types of people don't throw *anything* away (which is essentially what "I do not see anything becoming with us" is doing) ...it's just something they can't bring themselves to do.

So, they'll make up an excuse - in this case, one that no person in their right mind would ever question - that will leave them the option to revisit at a later date (although they usually don't).
 
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