thegrlnexdoor is offline thegrlnexdoor Post #1  July 30,2010, 8:17am
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i some how have become nothing more then the "in the mean time girl" im 28 and have never been on a date EVER each time i am with a guy we hang out at there place and never leave no movies, no dinner...and then when i ask if we can they blow up at me and stop talking to me and BAM there with a new girl n treat her like gold then when that ends there getting in contact with me wanting me to forgive them...what is so wrong with me?
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #2  July 30,2010, 8:25am
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I feel bad for the position that you repeatedly find yourself in but you are allowing this to happen. If you want to be someone's girlfriend and not FWB you have to behave accordingly, and monitor the signals you are giving. If someone asks if you want to 'hang out', say 'Yes, I would love to spend the evening with you. Is there a particular restaurant you like?' Suggest, don't allow.
No one ever uses you for anything that you do not allow.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  July 30,2010, 8:48am
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Yes, the above poster is correct. It happens because you let it happen. If a guy suggested to me to just come hang out at his house rather taking me out on a date, I would laugh in his face and tell him to get lost and mean it. They treat the other women like gold because those women would not accept less than that. The same way that they treat you without respect because you let them and because they know that you will take it and turn the other cheek to get slapped again.

So know what you want and know how you want to be treated, make it clear from the get go and don't compromise on your own standards. When you respect yourself and know what you want, you will find that you get it.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  July 30,2010, 10:31am
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thegrlnexdoor wrote :
i some how have become nothing more then the "in the mean time girl" im 28 and have never been on a date EVER each time i am with a guy we hang out at there place and never leave no movies, no dinner...and then when i ask if we can they blow up at me and stop talking to me and BAM there with a new girl n treat her like gold then when that ends there getting in contact with me wanting me to forgive them...what is so wrong with me?
You're either going out with clods..or you're not taking active control of what YOU want, or perhaps both...
If you act like a doormat, you will get stepped on.
You have to figure out what you want before you go after it, not while it's happening to you.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #5  July 30,2010, 11:11am
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You make the decisions about who you see socially and have decided, for some reason, to settle for guys who don't offer anything. Why is this?

You don't post a picture so we can't tell about your looks, but if you aren't taking care of yourself with good grooming, clean clothing and have a positive attitude about life then what is the impetus for a man to take you someplace? If you seem satisfied with hanging out, of course he's going to want to hang out!

We each are responsible for our actions and behavior, and for who we decide to 'hang out' with. When this is no longer acceptable to you and you make an effort to change things, then maybe life will improve for you. However, no one is going to come by with a magic wand and wave it over your head to make you a new improved young woman.

I had a boyfriend last spring who, after a few months, decided all he wanted to do was hang out-since we were in a relationship he didn't feel the need for us to go out anymore. I had a different point of view and after some discussion about his attitude, and several other issues, I broke up with him. It simply wasn't acceptable for me to be taken for granted.

Is it acceptable for you? Apparently so. Why is this and what can you do to change it?
 
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annother is offline annother Post #6  July 30,2010, 11:36am
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I am wondering where you meet these men who expect you to "hang out at their place." Are they short of money for some reason (students, unemployed) or are they antisocial?

If you meet these guys at parties or pubs, try meeting a different set of people in a different environment. You could sign up for evening classes, join an interest group, or support a charity. That way you will expand your social circle and with any luck find someone who knows some good dating skills.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  July 30,2010, 12:29pm
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Don't go out with a guy who just wants you to come and hang out at his place as a first date. Or maybe even 2nd or 3rd. Hold out for someone who is interested enough in you to want to get to know you better.

I think the fact that you're not liking what's been going on says that you have a core of strength in you, and perception and knowledge. Use it! You're worth it.
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #8  August 1,2010, 3:20pm
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The least a guy could do is buy you some commas or periods
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  August 1,2010, 4:05pm
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That was my answer back on Friday, and it's been removed. What was that all about?
 
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summer2010 is offline summer2010 Post #10  August 1,2010, 6:06pm
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Just say "NO!"
Don't go to their house!
 
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