Sangrebloom is offline Sangrebloom Post #1  July 29,2010, 6:33pm
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In late 2007 to 2008 I was in a relationship what was half way to serious half way in denile, We were that couple that was always together, but were 'just friends'. When things began to change from 'friends' to something else, we got into an argument that lasted about a week and half then we were getting to the point were it was either break or mend, but from one day to the next it ended because he died in a car crash. I was left in a horrible place emotionally, but I managed to find balace again. I find myself now, after these two years avoiding men with his same name. does anyone think this is a wise thing to do? I feel that it would be awkward to have a boyfriend with his same name, to introduce him to friends and family. How can I explain this situation without scaring the hell out of someone?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  July 29,2010, 6:46pm
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Sangrebloom wrote :
In late 2007 to 2008 I was in a relationship what was half way to serious half way in denile, We were that couple that was always together, but were 'just friends'. When things began to change from 'friends' to something else, we got into an argument that lasted about a week and half then we were getting to the point were it was either break or mend, but from one day to the next it ended because he died in a car crash. I was left in a horrible place emotionally, but I managed to find balace again. I find myself now, after these two years avoiding men with his same name. does anyone think this is a wise thing to do? I feel that it would be awkward to have a boyfriend with his same name, to introduce him to friends and family. How can I explain this situation without scaring the hell out of someone?
If dating someone with the same name gives you the willies, then don't do it. But you have to know that it isn't rational to do this.
This was an accident...not a message from God.

As far as friends or family are concerned I think you're projecting fear where it's not felt, if that makes any sense. I doubt if your family cares what your date's name is.

I would suggest some counseling to deal with this, because you just can't avoid a certain name for the rest of your life.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  July 29,2010, 6:55pm
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Good advice above.

No logic in your fear.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #4  July 29,2010, 7:04pm
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But fear doesn't always have logic, does it?

I lost a friend last year. Not the same circumstances but someone that I thought would be an important part of my life for a long time to come. I didn't get an email from him one day - something that hadn't happened ever. The second day I didn't hear from him, I Googled his home town paper and discovered he'd been killed in an accident. The time of the accident coincided precisely with the time I sent my last email to him.

So, even though I knew that it wasn't my fault if he was reading email on his iPhone while driving (I don't know that he was), even though I wasn't the drunk in the car that swerved and forced him into the oncoming lane, even though I'll never know the truth of all the details of the wreck...it took me a long time to not feel guilty about that email.

Talk to a counselor. You should do that anyway, regardless of the name thing. It's a loss and it's a significant loss and friends and family can only take you so far in healing.

I wish you all kinds of peace with this - it does take time.
 
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Sangrebloom is offline Sangrebloom Post #5  July 29,2010, 7:06pm
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Oh I know it's not rational, just like a fear of clowns.
Projecting my fears does sound logical, it makes sense, however I wouldn't know where to get couseling, that wasn't attached to some religious sort of thing. I'm not a chruch going person, or even that sort of religious person.

I tried before, because I needed the help coping, but once they started with 'God this and God that' it becomes lost to me when they just want to convert me and not really help.

what can I say? I feel at a loss.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #6  July 29,2010, 7:15pm
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Sangrebloom wrote :
Oh I know it's not rational, just like a fear of clowns.
.
Ya see..I'm with you on that one, clowns are fairly creepy.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #7  July 29,2010, 7:20pm
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Sangrebloom wrote :
Oh I know it's not rational, just like a fear of clowns.
Projecting my fears does sound logical, it makes sense, however I wouldn't know where to get couseling, that wasn't attached to some religious sort of thing. I'm not a chruch going person, or even that sort of religious person.

I tried before, because I needed the help coping, but once they started with 'God this and God that' it becomes lost to me when they just want to convert me and not really help.

what can I say? I feel at a loss.
there's plenty of psychologists that will help you..ask a friend or relative if they know someone they can recommend...
They often have second offices in hospitals.
Just like Legalmatch.com for attorneys, there's got to be the same thing for counseling.

eta: here ya go:
http://locator.apa.org/
Last edited by TheThinker; July 29,2010 at 7:22pm.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  July 29,2010, 7:29pm
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TheThinker wrote :
Ya see..I'm with you on that one, clowns are fairly creepy.

How about clown fish?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  July 29,2010, 7:34pm
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D_Lion wrote :
How about clown fish?

Nemo!!!
 
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Sangrebloom is offline Sangrebloom Post #10  July 29,2010, 7:40pm
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TheThinker wrote :
Nemo!!!

I love Nemo!
 
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