nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #21  August 1,2010, 8:40am
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Sangrebloom wrote :
In late 2007 to 2008 I was in a relationship what was half way to serious half way in denile, We were that couple that was always together, but were 'just friends'. When things began to change from 'friends' to something else, we got into an argument that lasted about a week and half then we were getting to the point were it was either break or mend, but from one day to the next it ended because he died in a car crash. I was left in a horrible place emotionally, but I managed to find balace again. I find myself now, after these two years avoiding men with his same name. does anyone think this is a wise thing to do? I feel that it would be awkward to have a boyfriend with his same name, to introduce him to friends and family. How can I explain this situation without scaring the hell out of someone?
It sounds to me like you still need time to get over the relationship on the emotional level, otherwise you wouldn't still be avoiding men of the same name. You may feel balanced, but I don't think you are yet. This may sound more crass and tactless than I want it to, but I don't think you're ready to start a relationship with any man yet regardless of what his name is. Give yourself more time to heal before heading into another relationship.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #22  August 2,2010, 10:17pm
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Everyone needs help dealing with their past.

Even those who feel like they already have and have gone on with their lives. Your irrational self is just thinking that you shouldn't be doing something that comes completely natural to you. Accept, what you can, and what fate has to offer at the time if you so chose, and see what happens......I always think that handling your fears is the only way, and it also gets rid of the nightmares and feelings that alienate you from what your goal is.

Some will suggest that going to a counselour is a good idea. Going out and talking with friends and family is a good idea too. Do what seems right and what is comfortable and the rest will come easier.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #23  August 2,2010, 11:14pm
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You know, even without such a traumatic ending, lots of people don't want to date a person with the same name as an ex. That is not unusual, and if the name brings on terrible or traumatic memories or just feels too darn weird, just don't date anyone with that name. People have lots more irrational reasons for eliminating potential dating partners from consideration than that.

For just that aversion, you are not odd by any means. Besides, that has to be a very small slice of the population, even if he had a common name.
 
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Sangrebloom is offline Sangrebloom Post #24  August 8,2010, 8:49pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
You know, even without such a traumatic ending, lots of people don't want to date a person with the same name as an ex. That is not unusual, and if the name brings on terrible or traumatic memories or just feels too darn weird, just don't date anyone with that name. People have lots more irrational reasons for eliminating potential dating partners from consideration than that.

For just that aversion, you are not odd by any means. Besides, that has to be a very small slice of the population, even if he had a common name.
Thanks a lot for that point!
 
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Sangrebloom is offline Sangrebloom Post #25  August 8,2010, 9:07pm
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nancymargritangelita wrote :
It sounds to me like you still need time to get over the relationship on the emotional level, otherwise you wouldn't still be avoiding men of the same name. You may feel balanced, but I don't think you are yet. This may sound more crass and tactless than I want it to, but I don't think you're ready to start a relationship with any man yet regardless of what his name is. Give yourself more time to heal before heading into another relationship.
Ah, If I gave you all the details of the situation, maybe you'd see the progress, however, your not being as tactless as you may think. I've been told many times that it was "time to move on" and "Let it go" in many ways.
You may not think me ready to move on, but I feel it in my heart it's time to move on, that's where the difference is. I've moved forward despite my pain. Despite even the time it's taken me take the steps forward, I'm moving.

People unwilling to change won't. If I wanted to mourn him forever, I very well could, but I won't because it only keeps the wound open.
Not, to sound too yoda-ish but pain only leads to more of the same.

Two years passed me by in a blink because life waits for no one.
 
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Sangrebloom is offline Sangrebloom Post #26  August 8,2010, 9:19pm
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beautifulgenius wrote :
Everyone needs help dealing with their past.

Even those who feel like they already have and have gone on with their lives. Your irrational self is just thinking that you shouldn't be doing something that comes completely natural to you. Accept, what you can, and what fate has to offer at the time if you so chose, and see what happens......I always think that handling your fears is the only way, and it also gets rid of the nightmares and feelings that alienate you from what your goal is.

Some will suggest that going to a counselour is a good idea. Going out and talking with friends and family is a good idea too. Do what seems right and what is comfortable and the rest will come easier.
Funny that you suggest that I talk with my friends, I recently talked with a friend we both had shared. She was very supportive of my decision to talk with a counselor, she offered me information on a therapist that she had seen just after his death. I may see her therapist because she doesn't lean toward medication.
We were a very close group of friends, we're almost like an extended sort of family. So, talking with my friend helped me a great deal, she did suspect we were closer than we even knew, she told me she felt him as a brother to her, just as I see her as a sister.
I feel we've all taken steps forward and backward in healing, but at least it's still progressing toward healing.
 
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vividpalette is offline vividpalette Post #27  August 8,2010, 9:35pm
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Heartwrenching. I really am sorry for your loss. You don't need any advice. Do what your heart tells you. If the name is painfull still, do what you gotta do.
xo vivid
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #28  August 8,2010, 10:31pm
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Sangrebloom wrote :
Funny that you suggest that I talk with my friends, I recently talked with a friend we both had shared. She was very supportive of my decision to talk with a counselor, she offered me information on a therapist that she had seen just after his death. I may see her therapist because she doesn't lean toward medication.
We were a very close group of friends, we're almost like an extended sort of family. So, talking with my friend helped me a great deal, she did suspect we were closer than we even knew, she told me she felt him as a brother to her, just as I see her as a sister.
I feel we've all taken steps forward and backward in healing, but at least it's still progressing toward healing.
Sorry that it took me so long to see your reply to a post I had previously left.

It all comes down to the situation. How it was left and who was there just before the incident happened. Talking with others who knew who the person, is like a healing balm that helps take care of some of the sorrow. Time is said to heal all wounds, but to me, it also leaves plenty of lingering scars. Some of which are left there so you can go back and touch upon when and if, you need to help someone else.
 
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Sangrebloom is offline Sangrebloom Post #29  August 9,2010, 4:09pm
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beautifulgenius wrote :
Sorry that it took me so long to see your reply to a post I had previously left.

It all comes down to the situation. How it was left and who was there just before the incident happened. Talking with others who knew who the person, is like a healing balm that helps take care of some of the sorrow. Time is said to heal all wounds, but to me, it also leaves plenty of lingering scars. Some of which are left there so you can go back and touch upon when and if, you need to help someone else.
Thank you, I do agree that now I have a set of scars that will linger, but I've choosen not to let them be my whole life. Maybe someday I can help others with loss because I know it too,

I work everyday with friends and people that knew him, and knew us and how we used to be. Part of that has helped and in some cases made it harder, but I've choosen these people to be part of my life in a way other than co-workers and bosses, but as friends. We just keep moving toward the future.
 
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