Dating with weight issue's


View Poll Results: Dating in your 40's?
Dealing with weight while dating? 1 100.00%
Dating after divorce? 0 0%
Voters: 1. You may not vote on this poll

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Cheyanne is offline Cheyanne Post #1  July 28,2010, 5:50pm
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I am recently single, 40ish, and find myself with some extra pounds that are not that attractive. How do I let someone know this without sounding like I'm putting myself down, because in all actuality I am, gorgeous!

Thank you,
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #2  July 28,2010, 5:56pm
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Cheyanne wrote :
I am recently single, 40ish, and find myself with some extra pounds that are not that attractive. How do I let someone know this without sounding like I'm putting myself down, because in all actuality I am, gorgeous!

Thank you,
Rather than telling someone, show them by using current pictures and letting them decide from there.

The problem with words is that there are a lot of euphemisms used in online dating and because of that, there's a lot of meaning lost.

Extra pounds is a good example. I've seen that self-defined by anything from just a couple of pounds over an ideal weight to 50+ pounds overweight.
 
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Cheyanne is offline Cheyanne Post #3  July 28,2010, 5:59pm
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This is Cheyanne, I did not mean to make this a poll please don't think that I am a complete idiot? Sorry, truly needed the advice
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #4  July 28,2010, 6:02pm
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You don't say anything at all. Let your profile and your pictures do the talking for you.

One of the biggest mistakes men and women losing weight do is focus on their self improvement in profiles. The match is going to choose you for the person you are at this time, now who you hope to be in some future.

If a man isn't interested in dating a woman with extra weight, he will make his own decision based on your photo. Anything you might write will sound like excuses and will most likely be discounter in any case.

Although men frequently will say no overweight women will be considered in their profile, what is actually considered overweight varies from person to person.

So if you are gorgeous this should be a moot point! Good luck!
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #5  July 28,2010, 10:22pm
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We often hold our matches to a higher standard and give ourselves more leeway than we think. Maybe we need to cut them some slack, and they might reciprocate, or pay it forward.

The irony is that many people have self-delusions that they are "athletic and toned" because they go to the gym 3 times a week. So they think that extra weight is due to muscle.

But then why the muffin-top? Or the done-lap belly? (You know, the belly done-laps over the belt... ) Maybe that workout is really a social hour, or perhaps the grande frappaccino with extra whipped cream sabotaged the workout.

You need to just put yourself out there, with a decent profile and photos. If you wait till you're "perfect", you'll never know who you missed, who could think you are perfect right now.
 
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Goldenchild is offline Goldenchild Post #6  July 28,2010, 10:49pm
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I have a description of myself on my profile as well as a few pix. The description simply references my height and weight. I'm not the least bit offended by anyone who doesn't find me attractive because everyone has their preference.

When we start analyzing things of this nature, especially in a conversation with someone we may be interested in, it may appear as if we have weight issues and that can be a turn off.

Let your pix and your personality tell the story
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  July 29,2010, 2:16pm
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Cheyanne wrote :
This is Cheyanne, I did not mean to make this a poll please don't think that I am a complete idiot? Sorry, truly needed the advice
No worries, I turned off the poll for you.

Welcome to Advice!

I agree with the others, get awesome photos of yourself and let the photos do the telling.

Best of luck to you, hope to see you around the boards!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  July 29,2010, 6:43pm
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Cheyanne wrote :
I am recently single, 40ish, and find myself with some extra pounds that are not that attractive. How do I let someone know this without sounding like I'm putting myself down, because in all actuality I am, gorgeous!

And the kid who flunked out of school is "smart." No, actually he isn't.

It is to your partner the task of deciding how attractive you are - to him - anyway.

I agree with the advice that weight should not be specifically referenced (I find this very unappealing when I read a profile, and I would close for this. I would also close for self-proclaimed "gorgeous!" women.)

Select carefully your best photos.

If you are adjusting your lifestyle to reverse prior weight gain, then continually update your photos as often as any perceivable change occurs.
 
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LisaRey is offline LisaRey Post #9  July 29,2010, 10:31pm
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If you are heavy there are lots of options available to you to get more in shape and have a better dating experience. There are not a lot of people who "have" to be heavy. It is their choice. But just like smoking, food can be addictive. I myself had a few extra pounds at one time. But I worked out, saw a nutritionist, and took a stand and went "cold turkey" with unhealthy foods. Was it tough? You bet! Was it worth the effort? Healthwise it was, definitely. Lets be honest, people judge you by your looks, and the dreaded "S" card - size. It is not as important in your later years, but when you are in your 40's it is deemed so. Take a stand to be healthier and others will see that you are making an effort and give you more leeway as to the few extra pounds.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #10  July 30,2010, 11:49am
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LisaRey wrote :
It is not as important in your later years, but when you are in your 40's it is deemed so.
Actually, if you are online dating in your later years, it is still important! Online we are all defined by our words and pictures, not our scintillating conversation or fascinating personality.
 
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