I'm an already-committed-man magnet. :-( Why?!!!


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kaecee is offline kaecee Post #1  July 17,2010, 7:26pm
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Can someone please tell me why the only guys that seem attracted to me enough to open a dialog are guys that are already in committed relationships? This phenomenon is frustrating me.

What makes it even more intolerable is that without exception these guys have very high regard for their significant others, whether they are fiances, wives, or girlfriends; and, they feel the need to advertise to me how incredibly wonderful the women in their lives are. That leaves me scratching my head and asking, "So why are you telling me this again? And, if your woman is so phenomenal why on earth are you flirting with me?!"

I have never really dated much. I was in a committed relationship for 20+ years that ended a few years ago. Since that break up I have been on one date. And I'm convinced that guy was married too, even though he never admitted it to me.

I'll admit, having entered into an exclusive relationship so young in my life, that I am not an experienced dater. I don't understand the games people play and I'm a bit intimidated. But this committed-guy syndrome I seem to keep attracting into my life is not acceptable. I don't want someone else's guy flirting with me, and then easing his own conscience about his actions by delivering glowing remarks about how wonderful his woman is. Please! Give it a rest! Pick on someone your own size!

I'm obviously doing something wrong. Why can't a guy who is 'free' find his way into my path? This can't be the norm. Can it? Otherwise, how can a woman ever expect to find a life companion? In my experience they all seem to be taken!
 
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raerae178 is offline raerae178 Post #2  July 17,2010, 8:22pm
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Hey kaecee,

I feel like I was actually writing what you wrote! Haha! Although, I wasn't in a relationship for 20+ years, this same situation seems to happen to me all the time lately. One guy actually sat me down to tell me he thought we should start sleeping together. And he wasn't saying it as a joke or whatever. He was dead serious!?!? He has a wife and four kids under the age of 5! It's unreal!

I don't really have advice or a reason why I think it happens. Just wanted to let you know it's not just you. It's very discouraging to us single girls. I know a lot of men that openly act this way and it makes me feel like "What's the point?".

BUT, even though it's frustrating, I do know that there are great men out there and you will find one. It just takes a little patience!(which sucks! Ha!)It's hard to get back in the game but you will be fine. Don't let these guys change your opinion of men! Men are awesome!

Good luck with everything!
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #3  July 18,2010, 5:18am
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Actually, these guys aren't committed, are they? At least you know up front that they are willing to cheat on a partner, and can avoid that complication in your life.

And they think they're attractive?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  July 18,2010, 7:58am
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Flirting may just be friendly, and with no intent. (I assure you, I have women in the workplaces who I flirted with, whom I have zero interest in.)

I would not read intent into flirting.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #5  July 18,2010, 1:15pm
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kaecee wrote :
What makes it even more intolerable is that without exception these guys have very high regard for their significant others, whether they are fiances, wives, or girlfriends; and, they feel the need to advertise to me how incredibly wonderful the women in their lives are. That leaves me scratching my head and asking, "So why are you telling me this again? And, if your woman is so phenomenal why on earth are you flirting with me?!"
Unless you are a prostitute (which, funnily enough, defeats the purpose of him flirting with you), or someone else he has reason to believe might be open to a sexual encounter regardless of his committed state, any guy who talks about their significant other "in high regard" to you isn't 'flirting' with you. In fact, he's telling you, "I'm not attracted to you at all".

I don't know what you are interpreting as 'flirting', but unless you live on the island where all of the horniest, stupidest guys on the planet live, what you described here is simply not believable.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #6  July 19,2010, 3:09am
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You're going to have to give examples of them flirting before we can give advice - casual talk isn't flirting.
 
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kaecee is offline kaecee Post #7  July 28,2010, 12:52pm
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To Mr_Right:
An example of a recent proposition to me: A married guy who thinks his wife is an incredible cook, wife and mother, asks me to fly with him (just the two of us) to another city for "lunch" one weekend for a chit-chat. A chit-chat? Yeah, right.

To BikerBeagle: Believable enough? Is that flirting, or just a man that wants to see if he can sleep with me to demean me because he is not attracted to me at all?
 
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kaecee is offline kaecee Post #8  July 28,2010, 1:10pm
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D_Lion: Have you ever gone out of your way to get your seating arrangement at work changed so that you could be close to one of those women at work? And when she has to work late, do you stay to help her in particular? Have you opened up to her about very personal details of your relationship with your significant other, when she has never done the same with you about her own boyfriend? Did you ever feel the need to send a 'particular' woman sweet text messages when she was on vacation and away from the office for an extended period of time when you couldn't see her?

Is that flirting? If not, what does it mean?

This is the kind of information I need.

BikerBeagle thinks I'm exaggerating and being an over-interpretive, girlish female. But these are just the kind of situations I have been faced with.

I just want to attract 'free' guys. Not guys that seem to be lacking something in their personal relationships.
 
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kaecee is offline kaecee Post #9  July 28,2010, 1:29pm
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Maybe I wasn't clear enough in my original post. My only point is how do I get uncomitted, 'free' guys to show me the same kind of attention? Why is that only committed guys feel comfortable enough to approach me? Am I doing something wrong?

I'm a pretty quiet person and generally described as being shy. Not much a flirt, as I never really felt I had those kind of skills. So I don't know why those traits would attract the wrong kind of men for me, because I am not interested in someone else's man.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #10  July 28,2010, 2:15pm

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kaecee wrote :
Maybe I wasn't clear enough in my original post. My only point is how do I get uncomitted, 'free' guys to show me the same kind of attention? Why is that only committed guys feel comfortable enough to approach me? Am I doing something wrong?

I'm a pretty quiet person and generally described as being shy. Not much a flirt, as I never really felt I had those kind of skills. So I don't know why those traits would attract the wrong kind of men for me, because I am not interested in someone else's man.
Fill out your profile and post a picture of yourself and you might (probably not) get some useful advice.
 
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