What does it matter how my parents marriage was ?


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MusicnMath is offline MusicnMath Post #51  July 27,2010, 2:51pm
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I've never had someone ask this question. But I think it is irrelevant. My parents divorced when I was a year and half. This, quite literally, holds no relevance to my life other than bouncing around from house to house. I have no memory of the event. Occasionally people ask if it was hard until I tell them I was 1. I mean, really. I honestly fail to see how it is relevant in any way.

I suppose I could just focus on my parents continued cooperation. They don't hate each other, they get along. But this is kind of a loaded question. Too many assumptions for so early in the game.
 
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pintobeans is offline pintobeans Post #52  July 28,2010, 12:24am
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The strange thing is that I ask this question all the time (lol) but the answer affects me none. I suppose I ask merely out of curiosity because I love seeing those who have parents who are still loving towards one another...something I have not personally encountered. Regardless, I am actually surprised by how defensive some of you are to the question...guess I'll refrain from asking it.
 
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Sangrebloom is offline Sangrebloom Post #53  July 30,2010, 8:51pm
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Emme0264 wrote :
I think it is important to some as it might indicate who your role models are for your own relationships. If you grew up in a violent home, would you be more prone to address issues violently also? If one parent consistently gave the other the silent treatmetn rather than address issues head on, is that how you would react as well? I've heard it said a number of times that the way someone learns to handle relationships is predominantly based on what one saw in adult relationships as you were growing up.

In my case, my parents have been married 55 years. They still hold hands and have (embarrassing) tickle fights on the couch. Even though marriages are never smooth sailing, we rarely saw them fight but instead saw them talk things out between them. And that's how I tend to be in relationships. I don't get into drama or shouting matches or silent treatment. If there's an issue, I bring it up and hope we can talk it out. I learned from the best, and hope it carries over for my relationships.

On the other hand, it does set the bar pretty high. I have never seen a reason to settle for less than that kind of relationshp and have turned out to be middle aged and still single. My sister has been married 3x but finally got the kind of relationship my parents have with hubby #3. My other siblings found it first time out.
I agree that it sets the bar high, but I'd like to meet someone that doesn't want what their parents have(given that the relationship they have is a good one)

Frankly, I want what they have! My parents have been married 27 years.
 
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Bijou13 is offline Bijou13 Post #54  December 17,2010, 9:40pm
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I'm Korean and many Asiams believe that you're not just marrying the person, you're marrying the family. And that can be a blessing or a nightmare. Yes, I have several Asian friends whose inlaws reprehensible. I also have many friends whose families get along extremely well.

We are all interconnected, whether its family, friends, coworkers. And those relationships can strain or strengthen a relationship with a SO. I know that when I have a SO, his relationship with my family and my relationship with his will be an important factor.
 
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tinaroonie is offline tinaroonie Post #55  December 20,2010, 6:50pm
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My parents are in a loving relationship that has lasted over 30 years, and though it has not been perfect at all times by any means, I want what they have. Not the exact marriage of course, but I want to marry someone that I can see myself being totally in love with after 30 years of marriage.

The guy I am currently starting to see, his parents are divorced, and he doesn't get along with his mother. Not my ideal in-laws, if we were ever to get married, but I'm not going to let that stop me from seeing this guy. If we ever get to the stage where we meet each other's family (neither has relatives in the city we live in) then we'll see how important that is.

I agree with most posters, it is too early to be asking about their parents relationship as a multiple choice question on eharmony. I do like to ask about it though as one of the three open ended questions though. But I don't really ask about their parents relationship as such, I more ask about the family dynamics, big family, small family, extended family, etc, and whether the parents are divorced or married, plays into that, of course.

In the end I feel you are marrying into the other person's family, and whether he got along with my family, or I with his, would be a big factor in the matter for me.
 
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