LACK OF PHYSICAL ATTRACTION

Met a guy. Well we met years ago when we were teens and went on to live our separate lives...reconnected for the first time this year. We talked for months before seeing each other again.

We have so many things in common that it sometimes seems unreal. We share the same ideas about life, children, money, relationships, and on and on and on. Like I said - unreal. I started to feel something for him in my heart and at some point I found myself thinking - "he seems like such a great person - I don't really care what he looks like. I want to see where this goes." In the past I have only dated guys who were really attractive (I know, I know...that's so subjective), but I think you can get my drift. Anyway after months of talking on the phone we met after not seeing each other for many years...and I didn't feel that physical spark...that physical chemistry. He was not someone I would take a second look at if he was walking down the street. The strange thing though is that my heart still feels something for him and it doesn't feel like just friendship at all. I'm confused.

So since we saw each other we have continued to learn more about each other and he wants to continue seeing me...and I want to see him. Again...I'm confused.

It has been such a long time since I have had anyone really care about me and I feel like he cares about me...and I care about him as well.

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? If so, what was the outcome?

Met a guy. Well we met years ago when we were teens and went on to live our separate lives...reconnected for the first time this year. We talked for months before seeing each other again.

We have so many things in common that it sometimes seems unreal. We share the same ideas about life, children, money, relationships, and on and on and on. Like I said - unreal. I started to feel something for him in my heart and at some point I found myself thinking - "he seems like such a great person - I don't really care what he looks like. I want to see where this goes." In the past I have only dated guys who were really attractive (I know, I know...that's so subjective), but I think you can get my drift. Anyway after months of talking on the phone we met after not seeing each other for many years...and I didn't feel that physical spark...that physical chemistry. He was not someone I would take a second look at if he was walking down the street. The strange thing though is that my heart still feels something for him and it doesn't feel like just friendship at all. I'm confused.

So since we saw each other we have continued to learn more about each other and he wants to continue seeing me...and I want to see him. Again...I'm confused.

It has been such a long time since I have had anyone really care about me and I feel like he cares about me...and I care about him as well.

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? If so, what was the outcome?

Go with your heart.

You say you care about the guy but you don't feel any physical spark. Whoop-te-do if you don't feel a physical spark. The guy obviously cares for you quite a bit and you towards him. If either of you didn't care that much for one another the game would be over in a second.
Times when people care for each other more deeply than what they see of each other on the outside is the kind of relationship that everyone should strive for. Its not a settling thing or a make do with what is there thing either. Its a relationship where you know damn well this guy will never cheat on you, treat you like a possession, use you, look around at everything else for a better deal than you or constantly think about if he could do better. This is the holy grail of guys that many women want but don't take because they base things first and foremost on appearance.
You had better give this guy a huge and serious consideration and chance because I think this is the guy. Giving up gold for lead is not a very good bargain where I come from.

I had a situation like this about 10 years back. I started talking to a man online who was long-distance from me (I was only 18 at the time and he was 22). He had seen my pictures from the beginning, but I never saw what he looked like (at that time digital cameras were less common and pictures had to be uploaded through a scanner, etc). We soon got to emailing each other nearly every day, I started to develop emotions for him despite never having seen his face. Finally about 6 months into it, he sends me his picture... and I cried. There was no physical attraction at all, though I had created a deep emotional bond with him. He looked much older than his age. He came to visit me, and I was deeply perplexed as I was attached to him, but repulsed by his sexual advances. After he left, I tried to push myself to have feelings for him, by rationalizing to myself why I should be with him... thus I continued things. But my inner repulsion wouldn't go away. In the end, I couldn't be with him... and it caused both of us so much pain and drama and hostility (from his side).

After that experience, I realized that at least a mild level of attraction is necessary for a relationship. You don't have to be drooling for someone, but there has to at least be a healthy attraction. If there is no attraction whatsoever, and you feel a sense of physical repulsion at the idea of being intimate... then don't try to rationalize it. I hope you aren't letting your loneliness be the reason that you are trying to rationalize why you should be with him... as that is just using him. Listen to your gut feelings before you go causing tremendous pain to yourself and the other person, as I did.

You say you care about the guy but you don't feel any physical spark. Whoop-te-do if you don't feel a physical spark. The guy obviously cares for you quite a bit and you towards him. If either of you didn't care that much for one another the game would be over in a second.
Times when people care for each other more deeply than what they see of each other on the outside is the kind of relationship that everyone should strive for. Its not a settling thing or a make do with what is there thing either. Its a relationship where you know damn well this guy will never cheat on you, treat you like a possession, use you, look around at everything else for a better deal than you or constantly think about if he could do better. This is the holy grail of guys that many women want but don't take because they base things first and foremost on appearance.
You had better give this guy a huge and serious consideration and chance because I think this is the guy. Giving up gold for lead is not a very good bargain where I come from.