tsj710104 is offline tsj710104 Post #1  March 28,2010, 8:46am
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I have been seeing a woman that I was matched with on e-harmony for a month. We hit it off on the first date and have been having fun and enjoyable times together. I like her and feel like I am starting to fall for her. But I have this nagging sense that it is too good to be true. I have been divorced for 5 years and this only the second women that I have seen for more than one date. I thought things were going well with my last relationship and then had the rug pulled out from under me. I know it is not fair to compare different people. But after you have been burned it can be had not to.

She says she would like to see us become more than friends and would like to introduce our kids to each other. On our last date she gave me hug and she definitely wants to see me again. A friend told me to go with what you know and take what she says at face value. I am just afraid of being left hanging again. Any advice or encouragement is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  March 28,2010, 10:23am
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If you go around assuming your partner is going to hurt you, you either sit and wait for it to happen, or you leave now.

Not much of a choice, that.

So, I choose to limit my downside in the event something bad and unforeseen happens, but otherwise assume a person is on the level and that events will unfold favorably.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  March 28,2010, 10:54am
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Would it help you to think about "what's the worst that can happen"? Sometimes that can take the sting out of the anxiety.

You've already been through having the rug pulled out. Did you survive it? Are you still interested in women and relationships? Apparently yes. So this is something you know how to survive. If it happens again, you'll be ok. Right? It hurts, but pain passes.

"Faint heart never won fair maiden" or whatever it is. I like your friend's advice ... go with what you know, take her at face value.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #4  March 28,2010, 11:02am
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I understand your fears, but every relationship bears some risk of the rug being pulled out from under you. There is no reward without risk when it comes to love.

The best you can do is observe her actions and see that she is giving you signals that she feels the same. That she wants to become more than friends and introduce your children to each other is a very good sign that she isn't going to leave you hanging.

I am surprised that after a month you are ending dates with a hug. I understand taking things slowly, but I think it's high time you kiss her goodnight! ... unless it's a date with the kids!!! It sounds like you both are proceeding with caution, but she has stated that she wants to be more than friends, and if you don't step things up a bit soon, you might find yourself stuck in the friend zone because you aren't showing her enough romantic interest.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  March 28,2010, 11:12am
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MelinCali wrote :
I understand your fears, but every relationship bears some risk of the rug being pulled out from under you. There is no reward without risk when it comes to love.

The best you can do is observe her actions and see that she is giving you signals that she feels the same. That she wants to become more than friends and introduce your children to each other is a very good sign that she isn't going to leave you hanging.

I am surprised that after a month you are ending dates with a hug. I understand taking things slowly, but I think it's high time you kiss her goodnight! ... unless it's a date with the kids!!! It sounds like you both are proceeding with caution, but she has stated that she wants to be more than friends, and if you don't step things up a bit soon, you might find yourself stuck in the friend zone because you aren't showing her enough romantic interest.
+1.
I agree with everything you said here.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  March 28,2010, 11:20am
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MelinCali wrote :
I am surprised that after a month you are ending dates with a hug. I understand taking things slowly, but I think it's high time you kiss her goodnight! ... unless it's a date with the kids!!! It sounds like you both are proceeding with caution, but she has stated that she wants to be more than friends, and if you don't step things up a bit soon, you might find yourself stuck in the friend zone because you aren't showing her enough romantic interest.

I agree with this.

If you don't push the intimacy, she may think you're not interested.

If you do, and she doesn't respond, you have good reason to re-evaluate your effort.

In either case, the man has little to lose, and much to gain.
 
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