Players (men playing games with ladies)

I think I got sucked in by a player. He said all the rights things, then when I said something that pertained to not wanting to be just about sex, he got really cold and distant. Then he'd come back all sweet and sorry and things would be good for a while, and then it would happen again. He only got mad when it came to the topic of sex. I know now that's all he was getting at. He didn't really want a relationship with me, he just wanted to have sex with me. (We didn't, though. I wasn't going to until we were committed.) At my age, I should have known better.

Nightlng, he did the futuring thing, and seriously back-pedaled and ran hot and cold. But he did say more than once how much he liked me and how special I was to him. An yeah, I thought what we had meant more than it obviously did. I was very foolish.

Another thing is what I call futuring. They'll say things like we should tour Paris someday ... makes it seem like they're holding out a future — but not really. They're never going to make any specific plan to tour Paris with you. It's a way to make you think they're thinking long-term without ever saying so.

They'll never make you any promises nor say anything like I really like you before trying to initiate physical intimacy. That would be too much like making a commitment or a promise.

Another common pattern is backpedaling. That hot-cold routine is designed to get you to chase them. They'll give you a strong statement of interest, then suddenly pull back. If they can get you to do all the work ... it's easier for them to juggle the multiple girls and they can pick and choose from the best "offers" for their weekend.

These are generally good advice, but not as clear as is implied:





This advice might be appropriate for middle-age, successful people, but in younger people or students, it is not a sign of a problem.

It would be a very substantial, once per year extravagance, to go to a professional sporting event, for instance, for me. A foriegn vacation would be years in the future, at best and with a lot of good fortune and other scrimping (even if I could, and was willing to, miss work, Miss.)

Also, it is a normal behavior to take the presence of a new partner in one's life as an opportunity to open again the things one may wish to do, that they would rather not do alone, and therefore to discuss them.

Yeah it can be wishful thinking. But it is also a suggested technique in some player article I read, so it can be deliberate as well. You have to see if it fits in an overall pattern or if it's just wishful thinking of some kind.





Not everyone is morally opposed to recreational sex - including many women. Stating that I wish to have sex, for the sake of having sex (and, in my case, that I have no other partner) is not at all misleading. In fact, I consider this more ethical, as the woman has no basis for making a faulty assumption.

My post being brief it probably was not clear what I'm saying here. There's no discussion. They don't state they wish to have sex. They just start making a move. They don't want to discuss what they want up front bc they know the girl would probably say no and they're hoping they laid enough groundwork she will assume that the physical intimacy means something.

Not that this matters: whether my age or geography, women eager to have sex is not a problem to find.

I agree that men who have sex and then dump a woman are a character flaw, but wanting to have sex, or having sex, soon, is not.





Here we have to distinguish between "pulling back" to a point where the woman does something close to equity, and "pulling back" to excess: Since the majority of dating involves disparate effort / expense on the part of the man, reducing that to a more healthy, equitable, balance is a good sign.

What I was talking about is the coquette routine, and it's another of the strategies that can be used to get someone to chase you around ... mostly only works on someone with some kind of insecurity.

It's not really about money for these guys. The players I've known didn't bat an eye at dropping quite a lot of money on dates. They are having an experience. The girl's part of that. The money doesn't matter to 'em any more than the girl does.

Also, while not great, some degree of uncertainty around how a person feels, and how they communicate their emerging feelings (such as appearing to "come on too strong" one day and not calling the next, are more a sign of inexperience.