relationship or friend women answer me on this one


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joystickd is offline joystickd Post #1  March 22,2010, 1:45pm
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Women exactly what criteria constitutes a guy to be either a friend or relationship material? I need logical answers. I know there is some logic to it. Also why you just do say you are not interested instead of sticking them in the friend zone. I mean why keep stringing a guy along you know he has feelings for you. Its like interviewing for a job and the interviewer say hey you are qualified so we will keep you around but we will hire someone else and tell you all about it. Oh yeah! What does its complicated mean. Why don't you just explain the complication? What is the problem with being straight forward instead of confusing?
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #2  March 22,2010, 2:06pm
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They will tell you "Its complicated"
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #3  March 22,2010, 2:43pm
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Each woman has her own "logic."
 
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joystickd is offline joystickd Post #4  March 22,2010, 2:45pm
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What is each woman's "logic"? It makes no sense to me. It has got to be something. I want details
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #5  March 22,2010, 4:01pm
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First of all, I am not sure how much logic there really is too all this dating stuff. If it were all based on logic then we could pretty much be matched up scientifically with no problems or complaints.

Second of all, not all women are the same and don't treat all men the same way. There is a thread on the relationships board that asks a dating question about "all men". You can't judge one man or woman based on all the others you have met. To do so is to rule out that one genuine one - never giving him or her a chance.

Third, you don't need to know what all women want in a friend versus a romantic interest in a man. You just need to be who you are and then that will attract the right one for you. To be any different would result in a disaster.
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #6  March 22,2010, 4:14pm
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I prefer straight forward. If I don't think there is sufficient compatibility to sustain a relationship, I will not pursue a relationship with you. If we were already friends/acquaintances, I will continue to be friendly and polite but clear about the relationship boundary.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  March 22,2010, 4:25pm
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You say being strung along when she knows you have feelings for you. Are you positive she knows? Sometimes a guy moving too slow will set them in the friend zone. Unfortunately there are windows of opportunity and we miss them sometimes. Be assured that some men who are friends can and will become romantic interests if they stick around.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #8  March 22,2010, 4:39pm
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Okay, here's part of my own logic. Your mileage will vary:

I have encountered in my lifetime maybe two (definitely one) guy who is relationship material. To stand out from my guy friends (of whom I have many) he must (in no particular order beyond the first):

1) be single and emotionally available;

2) be interested in me physically;

3) be physically attractive to my own sometimes peculiar and/or eclectic tastes; 4) be attentive to my needs;

5) find me engaging intellectually and emotionally;

6) share major life goals and values;

7) be engaging, intellectually and emotionally;

8) be generous and in turn allow me to be generous to him;

9) be stable within my broad limits of tolerance (I can put up with and even appreciate a fair bit of eccentricity);

10)... oh, there are others, but I don't have all night.

Now, almost all of my male friends have #7 (engaging) and #9 (stability). All of them have #5 (like me intellectually) or else we wouldn't be friends. None of them, to my knowledge, has #2 (liking me physically, or at least nobody has fessed up, although I have heard some of them admire my female friends.) A couple of them are #3 (attractive), but lack of #1 (availability) puts them right out of the running! I've not discussed #6 (life goals) with most of them because of lack of need. But most of them have or want kids anyway, which is an automatic dealbreaker for me.

Anyway, a minimum of 9 (rather vague and broad) traits must be met for me to consider a man as "relationship material."

It's complicated, isn't it?
Last edited by Iconography; March 22,2010 at 4:43pm. Reason: Sheesh... I lost a verb or something!
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #9  March 22,2010, 5:07pm
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If a woman knows that you like her and she continues to string you along or play the "let's-just-be-friends-for-now" card because "it's complicated," my guess is she's not available to be in a healthy relationship for any of the following reasons:

1) She's insecure and emotionally immature and doesn't know how to communicate her feelings. (with time alone, she may learn how)

2) She's manipulative and is playing games, i.e. she wants you to chase her.

3) She enjoys playing coy because you chase her and she gets some ego boost from that.

4) She doesn't know what she wants but is afraid to be alone. She feels safer having someone to string along than no one at all.

5) She is not emotionally available, i.e. she is still pining over a lost love and holding onto some hope that things may work out with him.

6) She's just not ready to be in a relationship right now for any number of other possible reasons...

My question for you: Why do you continue to pursue women like this?
 
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joystickd is offline joystickd Post #10  March 22,2010, 5:20pm
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i just don't know anymore. i was nice it didn't work i sold drugs to get the bad boy image it didn't work. i met someone and fell in love. it went to hell. i tried again and she cheated on me with a guy that looks like joe dirt. I just want to know something. i feel so inadeqate as a man that i can't even get a woman. i just want to love someone and they love me. i want to spend time talking with them. i want to take them out and enjoy each others company and have fun. is that so much to ask? I know it starts by getting to know them. I been in the race for years. I just want to win and get the medal.
 
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