relationship or friend women answer me on this one


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joystickd is offline joystickd Post #21  March 22,2010, 6:42pm
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i do because i constantly get reminded of it. i am back in school to be a nurse. i am in a class full of women most are taken but i am so scared to talk to the ones that are single. i'm terrified now because i dont want to have feelings for them only to be friends. my friends have moved away. the people around here were some of the ones that ridiculed me when i was younger. i had to horrible attempts at love that destroyed me. previous threads i had talk about that. i have never really recovered from those experiences. it took the wind right out of me. its feels like they took what i had started build back up. I was recovering and feeling better and they took that from me.
 
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OldManNoah is offline OldManNoah Post #22  March 22,2010, 9:58pm
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joystickd wrote :
i just don't know anymore. i was nice it didn't work i sold drugs to get the bad boy image it didn't work. i met someone and fell in love. it went to hell. i tried again and she cheated on me with a guy that looks like joe dirt. I just want to know something. i feel so inadeqate as a man that i can't even get a woman. i just want to love someone and they love me. i want to spend time talking with them. i want to take them out and enjoy each others company and have fun. is that so much to ask? I know it starts by getting to know them. I been in the race for years. I just want to win and get the medal.
that sounds like a pretty average description of life and it's yearning and struggles, trials and tribulations.

No, that's not to much to ask for. Heck, We're all looking for that.

Everyone here has been booted and booted someone. Won a few and lost many.

Doesn't your generation have it's version of a song that say's;
"There's no guarantee that the one you want is gonna want you too"
Or
"There's no guarantee that the one you love is gonna love you back."?

What'd you say? this is round three for you? Then you have 12 more to go. Build up your endurance. You've lost out big twice? I've lost out big 4 times. And been through major disappointment 3 times that number.

The best sex I've ever had came at 47. The person closet to *soul mate* came along at 54.

My Message? Every time you think you've seen the best there is, life will show you something even better.

And yes, I agree at times it's hard to be patient and have faith. It gets damn hard, because I want what i want and I'm dam n tired of waiting for it, right? What's really odd is when you get to a point of almost not caring at all whether it works out, it all gets a bit easier to deal with.

What's any man or woman want? Likely just what you described. It'd work for me.

How to catch any one woman is a book's worth of writing about strategies. Be the flame not the moth.

What does help is to look back for what the early warning signs were that you let yourself over look. As you get better at recognizing them. you shorten the time invested in the *no goes*. You don't lose big chunks of your heart that way.

There was a time when I was feeling sorry for myself because "I'm a good guy and I gave it a good go", crying and whimpering "why me? I don't deserve this (pain)". The answer I got was, "why not you?What makes you think you're immune to the shi err, stuff life dishes out? "

There's an old saying, "We are all fools and you don't get to be an exception". I've been the fool many time. The good news is I'm less of a fool now. Watch someone jump on that one

Ok, so this isn't what you asked for but maybe it's something you need to hear. And if you've heard it before then a reminder.

Keep trying, I a large way you are on the right track. Learning what not to do. Trial and error.
Evaluate and adjust.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #23  March 23,2010, 4:19am
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joystickd wrote :
i do because i constantly get reminded of it. i am back in school to be a nurse. i am in a class full of women most are taken but i am so scared to talk to the ones that are single. i'm terrified now because i dont want to have feelings for them only to be friends. my friends have moved away. the people around here were some of the ones that ridiculed me when i was younger. i had to horrible attempts at love that destroyed me. previous threads i had talk about that. i have never really recovered from those experiences. it took the wind right out of me. its feels like they took what i had started build back up. I was recovering and feeling better and they took that from me.
It sounds like you need to take more time to recover.

I remember now that counseling was suggested to you in another thread and you had excuses not to follow that advice. At some point you have to find the inner strength to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and either make yourself whole again or seek the help that you need to do so.

If you don't do that, nobody in the world is going to be able to provide any answers that you will find useful.
 
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joystickd is offline joystickd Post #24  March 23,2010, 1:35pm
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If you find affordable therapy in my area I may consider going. It depends on the price. I have bills to pay mine and some for my family. They take precedence over something like that. That is no excuse that is real truth. I had said on here that when i get on my feet i would do that but it seems to be unacceptable for you people. I guess you all see what you would do in this situation. I would explain my situation to you people but you wouldn't care because you all think its excuses.
 
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joystickd is offline joystickd Post #25  March 23,2010, 1:38pm
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i have been taking time to regroup this past year and now still.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #26  March 23,2010, 3:12pm
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Joystickd, in your situation, then, in which you have no access to therapy or counseling (do you go to church?), the best I can recommend is to do what you feel comfortable with in dating so that you are not tearing yourself apart or letting others do so: now, that might mean not dating until you can afford to pull yourself together even more. Focus on your other priorities: work, family, anything else. Then, as soon as you can, if you still need help, seek help. Then seek a partner, because you don't seem ready to do so now.

It's possible, of course, that while you're doing other things, romance might come your way and you'll be ready for it. I've often heard of it happening that way.

Good luck to you.
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #27  March 23,2010, 3:38pm
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got her profile back! Thank you tech guy! :-)

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You're going back to school to be a nurse. That should provide you with a GREAT distraction to take your mind off of relationships for a while. Nursing school is hard work. Invest your time and energy into your studies, into being an awesome nurse.

As far as counseling goes, it can be expensive. There may be other low-cost/free options in your area. I can think of a few groups that are many times offered for free by local churches: Boundaries, Divorce Recovery and Celebrating Recovery. All of these programs are great for personal growth. Divorce Recovery may not apply to your situation, but it does offer some great advice for getting over past hurts. Celebrating Recovery teaches how to recognize dysfunctional patterns that lead to bad relationships/habits and Boundaries teaches how to maintain healthy boundaries in all kinds of relationships, i.e. parent/child, employer/employee, friend/friend, husband/wife, etc. etc.

Best of luck to you joystickd! Hang in there and remember, life is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself!
 
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computerfox is offline computerfox Post #28  March 23,2010, 4:43pm
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I think that relationship material will vary from woman to woman. I can say most will want a guy who is single and emotionally available, attractive and attracted to her, has goals in life, kind, and grounded to a certain extent.

As far as the stringing along...personally I try to be up front and let them know soon if I don't think we're a great match. There are many times where I may go out with a guy 4-5 times and decide that he's not for me. The reason for this is because the first few dates are used for getting to know each other/feel each other out. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I've had several guys string me along and not be up front about things, but there are many more out there.

If a girl decides to put you in the friend zone don't take it personally. I know it's hard, but do keep your head up because someone who is right for you will come along.
 
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joystickd is offline joystickd Post #29  March 28,2010, 5:59am
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people thought I was shy and partially they were right, but another reason was that i absolutely hated small talk because it had no purpose in relation to me. The only time I talked was when I felt it would benefit me. I have friends but I can be hanging out with them and there is long periods where i don't talk. That is one reason I hate grey areas because they are a waste of my time. It seems to not benefit me when I am just the friend because in my mind I get nothing out of it. I think that is why I am so outcome oriented because I have a visual indicator that i am on to something. That is the reason I am either attraction and I pursue or nothing at all because once i feel it I automatically create something indicators in my mind so that I feel like when I see it I know I am in the right direction. The friendship thing seem like a waste of my and the other person's time. The thing for me is I would rather hear a full on rejection that an "I just want to be friends". I just feel hanging around is just a waste of time. I guess that is why I would get frustrated when I heard it. a friend tuesday told me I had a problem with that. she came on my IM as someone else talking to me and eventually i just got kind of frustrated and said ask me some qs to get to know me, start some cyber or just stop talking to me. I felt like it was a waste of time.
i have decided to try online therapy because it is cheaper for me. I have been isolating myself for too long. its like in my mind i just want to say what do you like me or not either or choose. i can be like that in other aspects of my life. i am very impatient and easily frustrated.
 
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joystickd is offline joystickd Post #30  March 28,2010, 6:01am
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this is a pic of me btw. i feel its a great improvement from 4 years ago.
 
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