trni is offline trni Post #1  March 20,2010, 7:07am
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I have been seeing and communicating for about a month with a guy I really like, however we have not had sex and I am scared its going to be an issue. I don't want to rush into this and then he not be in a serious relationship with me. I don't want to let myslef go and then never hear from him again. I am not sure what I should do. There are things I want to experience sexually but at the right time and person. Help me to undersatnd before i lose him.
 
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Yeti is offline Yeti Post #2  March 20,2010, 7:32am
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Seeing? and Communicating?
That's a little vague.

If you guys have been dating, regularly, for about a month, he's probably not the kind of guy that has sex and bolts. Those men don't usually have that kind of patience. Although if he does it may because it was terrible.

Have you talked about it yet?

I don't want to talk you out of your beliefs or suggest that you maybe wrong, but it sounds as if you're saving yourself for the right person?

Many times and many people thought it WAS the right person. And of those, Many have been wrong in thinking that they had the right person.
I know three couples that waited till marriage before having sex. 2 of those couples have terrible sex lives. How do I know? Because they complain, to me and other close friends, about how terrible it is and they want help in making it better.

I'm just saying...I have had very few relationships less than 6 months(1or 2). Most have been around 2-3 years. I think, if I remember correctly, most of those relationships we started to have sex around the 1 month mark, or at least started talking more about it.

If it's your first time, which it sounds like it is, by all means wait longer if you like. If he leaves, then let him, he didn't deserve you in the first place.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  March 20,2010, 7:37am
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trni wrote :
I have been seeing and communicating for about a month with a guy I really like, however we have not had sex and I am scared its going to be an issue. I don't want to rush into this and then he not be in a serious relationship with me. I don't want to let myslef go and then never hear from him again. I am not sure what I should do. There are things I want to experience sexually but at the right time and person. Help me to undersatnd before i lose him.
You have to quit caring if you lose him!

How would you feel if you decided to have sex on that basis? It reeks of desperation. Wait until you are sufficiently comfortable with his actions toward you. Make sure you are on the same page concerning your relationship expectations.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  March 20,2010, 7:40am
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The mere fact to be asking this question ought to be your answer.

By the way, any relationship can end at any time - this would include after marriage (known as "divorce," a popular occurance.)

In my opinion, you should consider what you're looking for: if you want a sex partner primarily? With or without exclusivity? What, if any, other relationship elements are sought?

Then, check with him that you are on the same page with these.

I, personally, would demand exclusivity, and some easy lifestyle compatibility, and that's about it. Any more is too uncertain anyway.
 
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trni is offline trni Post #5  March 24,2010, 4:58pm
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I have not spoke to him in a few days, he has not called or text. I don't want to be the one calling and running down the relationship. Where do I go from here
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  March 24,2010, 5:17pm
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In my view you should be communicating in reasonably the same manner as your partner.

You should initiate a roughly-equal portion of communication - especially in the early stages of dating.

Standing behind some Maginot Line of ideas of what a woman should or should not do, isn't a winning strategy.

If you wish to speak to your partner, then call. If he does not take your call, or return it in a reasonable time frame, then he is not interested in a relationship, and you should move on decisively.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  March 24,2010, 7:31pm
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trni wrote :
I have not spoke to him in a few days, he has not called or text. I don't want to be the one calling and running down the relationship. Where do I go from here
i came here to get a pm but i have to tell you:

do. nothing.

think again about what you want from a relationship. then take the steps you need to to get that. sometimes, that means doing nothing. accept the fact that this just might not be the right guy for you. guys call the women they are interested in. period.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #8  March 24,2010, 7:59pm
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It really depends on what your expectations are in a relationship, and what you want to sacrifice. You don't want to sacrifice your morals and values for someone who isn't going to be in your life other than to have a one night stand. That in my mind, just isn't right, unless that is where you wanted to end up.
 
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trni is offline trni Post #9  March 29,2010, 5:18pm
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Thank you for all you comments
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #10  March 29,2010, 6:27pm

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trni wrote :
I have not spoke to him in a few days, he has not called or text. I don't want to be the one calling and running down the relationship. Where do I go from here
In my personal dating experience, a few days sans communication isn't a big deal.

I'm curious why you aren't comfortable taking the iinitiative and calling him after dating for a month? Do you think that makes you sound too eager?

For some women, having sex after a month isn't an issue-for others it is. I want to encourage you to think about your own boundaries then set them where you are comfortable.

Is he pushing you for sex? Are you willing but afraid he will then drop you?

Without a bit more information it's hard to know what to tell you...but good luck in any case!
 
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