islandgirl360 is offline islandgirl360 Post #1  May 23,2008, 10:58pm
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I'm in open communication with someone and we are emailing eachother on our personal emails. We have been emailing for about 2 weeks almost everyday. We have long and short emails and are enjoying getting to know eachother. How long do we continue emailing until we either talk on the phone or meet in person? We both agree that we look forward to putting the face with emails, but nothing has been initiated by him yet. I don't want to be pushy, but would like to know where this might lead to. As much as I enjoy his emails, I don't want to be just his email penpal. I am definitely interested in him... What advice do you have for me?
 
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JMWTurnerFan is offline JMWTurnerFan Post #2  May 23,2008, 11:23pm
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Tell him you want to call him. As a guy I usually initiate, but I'm always hesitant since I think women have more to lose on the loss of privacy thing than men do (and me in particular). In the online context it's impossible to tell when women want to talk and when they're playing it safe, and assumptions about when it's good to call seem to vary.

Two weeks is hardly an unreasonable period on email before a phone call: many would rather be on the phone soon, some almost immediately. Don't be shy, though: he may be shy a) because he's respecting your privacy, b) because he's got some fear/insecurity, c) because he's hiding something (a terrible voice?), c) because he's just not sure when to ask. Or, he could just be proceeding the way that he thinks is natural given the setting. Who knows? You won't know until you call him. Tell him you want to talk to him on the phone and see what he says.
 
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islandgirl360 is offline islandgirl360 Post #3  May 23,2008, 11:42pm
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JMWTurnerFan,121234 wrote :

Tell him you want to call him. As a guy I usually initiate, but I'm always hesitant since I think women have more to lose on the loss of privacy thing than men do (and me in particular). In the online context it's impossible to tell when women want to talk and when they're playing it safe, and assumptions about when it's good to call seem to vary.

Two weeks is hardly an unreasonable period on email before a phone call: many would rather be on the phone soon, some almost immediately. Don't be shy, though: he may be shy a) because he's respecting your privacy, b) because he's got some fear/insecurity, c) because he's hiding something (a terrible voice?), c) because he's just not sure when to ask. Or, he could just be proceeding the way that he thinks is natural given the setting. Who knows? You won't know until you call him. Tell him you want to talk to him on the phone and see what he says.
Thanks for the advice. I also have children. Only 1 of them are living with me. He's asked me about my child and I have been open and honest with him about my children. Do you think that is partly a reason why he hasn't initiated the phone call or meeting in person? He tells me quite often that he looks forward to my emails and looks forward to meeting me in person soon. I did tell him that I would like to talk to him on the phone or meet him soon. This is all new for me - meeting someone online. I'm not sure what the "protocol" is? I am not in a rush, he seems like a person worth waiting for. (but not forever)
 
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fredasun is offline fredasun Post #4  May 24,2008, 6:10pm
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Ok I am new to this but I have a question. It is... I have not dated any one since my divorce around one and half years ago. I have been on this site and it the same thing I get match and the guy starts the communication and one of us drop it because we feel it not right (sometimes me or sometimes them) but I meant a guy who i really like and lives close too. We got to the open communication after talking though the guided communication every day or two, he never started the open communication and after 5 days I close the match, did I over react or did he change his mind and why could he not tell me. Any answers.
 
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JMWTurnerFan is offline JMWTurnerFan Post #5  May 24,2008, 7:30pm
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islandgirl360,121237 wrote :
JMWTurnerFan,121234 wrote :

Tell him you want to call him. As a guy I usually initiate, but I'm always hesitant since I think women have more to lose on the loss of privacy thing than men do (and me in particular). In the online context it's impossible to tell when women want to talk and when they're playing it safe, and assumptions about when it's good to call seem to vary.

Two weeks is hardly an unreasonable period on email before a phone call: many would rather be on the phone soon, some almost immediately. Don't be shy, though: he may be shy a) because he's respecting your privacy, b) because he's got some fear/insecurity, c) because he's hiding something (a terrible voice?), c) because he's just not sure when to ask. Or, he could just be proceeding the way that he thinks is natural given the setting. Who knows? You won't know until you call him. Tell him you want to talk to him on the phone and see what he says.
Thanks for the advice. I also have children. Only 1 of them are living with me. He's asked me about my child and I have been open and honest with him about my children. Do you think that is partly a reason why he hasn't initiated the phone call or meeting in person? He tells me quite often that he looks forward to my emails and looks forward to meeting me in person soon. I did tell him that I would like to talk to him on the phone or meet him soon. This is all new for me - meeting someone online. I'm not sure what the "protocol" is? I am not in a rush, he seems like a person worth waiting for. (but not forever)
Nah. I can't imagine why that would have anything to do with it. The internet is shockingly like the real world. Once you're comfortable enough with someone, no reason not to call & etc. If you met someone randomly on the street you'd probably be willing to give them your number quickly. This is the internet--so not perfectly random--but it's also not that different. If you want to talk on the phone bring it up.
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #6  May 25,2008, 12:05pm

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I agree with these guys, just go for it and tell him you'd love to chat - it doesn't matter how long you email for, your 1st phone call will still be just as "awkward". Same goes with the next step of meeting. Just go for it - if there's chemistry, you'll know no matter how soon you meet.
 
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flocondeneige is offline flocondeneige Post #7  May 25,2008, 4:00pm
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Agreed! Take responsibility for the direction your relationships is headed in, and ask him to move to the next step. This next step might be IMing or the phone or you might even skip all of that and go right to meeting. If you are truly interested in him and want to see the relationship, progress then tell him so. I'm sure he will be flattered and if he feels the same about you, will agree to whatever you propose. You never know, he may be waiting for YOU to initiate the next step while you're waiting for him and then where will you two get?! Let him know how much you've enjoyed getting to know him and that you'd like to continue that process by chat/phone/date since email does have its limits. He may be nervous and you may be as well, but thats okay Good luck to you!!
 
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BSchorr is offline BSchorr Post #8  May 25,2008, 11:48pm
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fredasun,121802 wrote :
Ok I am new to this but I have a question. It is... I have not dated any one since my divorce around one and half years ago. I have been on this site and it the same thing I get match and the guy starts the communication and one of us drop it because we feel it not right (sometimes me or sometimes them) but I meant a guy who i really like and lives close too. We got to the open communication after talking though the guided communication every day or two, he never started the open communication and after 5 days I close the match, did I over react or did he change his mind and why could he not tell me. Any answers.
Hard to say - it could just be that he got really busy and didn't log into his account for a few days? I generally don't "close" matches I'm interested in - if the communication has stalled I'll just leave it there and if they show up, great, if not then they don't. It doesn't cost me anything to leave them open if I'm still open to talking with them at some point.

-B-
 
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