Dazed and confused- mini update

Any thoughts?

Yup!

yeah, guess I should have seen that coming.

Original Thread:
http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...-confused.html (Dazed and confused)

Well, I spoke to him for 3 hours via IM last night. It was odd, comforting, and confusing all at once. We started off pretty general, how are yous, how is work, etc... He told me that it was nice talking to me after a period of time (no contact in over a week due to his surgery). He told me he appreciated my e-mail and read it over and over. He apologized for getting into something with me so quickly then the surgery throwing everything off. Then he said he didn't feel comfortable moving so quickly, especially since his surgery was in the back of his mind the whole time, and that he wasn't using it as an excuse not to talk to me because he truly was in bad shape. He deflected a lot, changed the subject, then circled back around to us.

He talked about our dates, how much fun he had, how much he enjoyed my company, flirted even more, told me how much he thought about us, and how we snuggled on the couch and kissed, that he thought about that a lot. We ended up going back and forth along a teasing and flirty line of convo before I had to reign it in.

He mentioned my e-mail again and how he was touched by it and that I have made a very special impression on him. He feels a connection to me, since the first date, but...

and here is the big BUT... He's been hurt before when trying to get into a serious relationship too soon, he is leary about getting back into one, (But he is on eHarmony for crying out loud!) and now thinks we may not have enough chemistry to keep something going for the long term.

He said he usually knows for sure in 3 dates whether or not he wants to continue but now he is confused. (Well, so am I thankyouverymuch). His number one thing about us not working out is distance. (1 hour drive) Well, thats more my problem, not his because I am the one who would be doing most of the traveling. I asked him, is that it, distance? Is there something or someone else? He said absolutely NOT someone else. He would have been honest with me from the start about that.

He continued: "There's more than the mileage. I sense that we could have a lot of good times together, but what I'm afraid of is...that since we're not in our 20's we don't have time to goof around...we need to focus on the future and if this will turn out to be a ltr and that's what I don't know. I simply haven't learned enough about you to make that decision to have a steady relationship. I'm not confused that I have a good time with you, but rather if our long term goals/values are in sync"

He could name nothing specific we were lacking. Or that *I* was lacking.
I told him the only way to know if things were in sync was to get to know each other.

Then he turned it into a joking matter by saying to get to know each other more, we could continue chatting in IMs, emails, snail mail. I was getting frustrated by this point. I said I guess he didn't want to be in my company, no more snuggling, no more kissing, etc... So then he said I should bring my laptop to his place and we can sit on the couch snuggling and IM each other. (I was banging my head on my desk at this point.)

He went back to heavy duty flirting and I asked him how he thought we had no chemistry. He just kept flirting. I finally got a little mad and asked him what made him think we were not on the same page/in sync with what we wanted, and told him to ask me the 2 most important questions on his mind regarding a relationship with me.

They were: What are your expectations of marriage, and What are your dreams for 10 years from now. I answered very honestly and sincerely and he agreed with me that his thoughts were exactly the same. We joked about setting a wedding date. JOKED. And we went on to discuss other things we had in common and liked to do. The mood of the convo lightened considerably, got back to flirting. We agreed we were on the same page and would talk more later in the week because it had gotten so late.

He sent me hugs and kisses and and wished me a good day for today and I returned the same. I also thanked him for talking to me about what he was thinking and he did the same.

Tonight, he signed onto IM, and I said hello to him, and he didn't respond for almost an hour, then he finally told me he was caught up in ebay and didnt see my message. We talked for about 5 min, if that, then he said he had to get to bed because it was late and he had to be up early. He sent me hugs and kisses again and said he'd talk to me later.

And that's where I am left right now. Back to being dazed and confused about him.


Any thoughts?