Getting a guy to stick around longer than 4 or 5 months.


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ericarocks is offline ericarocks Post #31  March 26,2010, 9:52am
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It makes me so sad to read how you have been thinking about yourself for all these years! I really believe that everyone is beautiful. We all have pros and cons to our looks, and we all try to play up the pros and downplay the cons. I think that you should spend less energy on outward relationships, and for a time, spend more energy on your relationship with yourself. Grow in love, appreciation, and acceptance for yourself. It is extremely important to surround yourself with people who make you feel GOOD about yourself! There is nothing positive about being negative, or being around negative people. I understand that your guy friend who gave you that feedback is your friend, who you trust, but don't forget that his opinion is JUST AN OPINION!!!! We all get to have one, and just because that's what he thinks, doesn't mean that what someone else will think. Don't forget that a woman feeling good in her own skin is the MOST attractive thing to a man! It really doesn't even matter what you look like anymore! Look at models today vs. models in the 80's. The world is so much more accepting of unique looks. Find a counselor to work with that you like, and delve into your past, find out what happened early in your life that resulted in low self esteem. Also, I'VE FOUND THAT IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT YOURSELF, YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO ACCEPT ANYONE ELSE. PERHAPS YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO REALLY ACCEPT ANY MAN BECAUSE YOU DON'T ACCEPT YOURSELF. A MAN WOULD SENSE THAT, AND BECAUSE FEELING SUCCESSFUL IN A RELATIONSHIP IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO A MAN, FEELING UNACCEPTED BY YOU IS ENOUGH TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A FAILURE AND RUN. As far as clothing, makeup, and boob implants- as long as you would be doing it for yourself, not for anyone else- IMO that is perfectly fine! We all have to work to feel good, and if that would give you a confidence boost- go for it! What matters is that your intentions are right. For example, I wear makeup every day, because I've found that I have a better day when I wear makeup, because I FEEL BETTER! And there is nothing that anyone can say about that. The bottom line is- THE MORE YOU CAN DO TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF- THE BETTER OFF YOU'LL BE EMOTIONALLY AND RELATIONALLY! Good luck, and LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!!!!
 
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yeahitsme is offline yeahitsme Post #32  March 27,2010, 3:02pm
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Yikes! Where are you meeting these guys?? Who enters a relationship and then puts an expiration date on it? "I only planned on dating you for 6 months"??

It sounds like you are probably putting too much pressure on each guy to settle down with you. Are you really paying their rent and whatnot? If so, stop, that makes you a meal ticket and I've been there before. They won't respect you, they just want your money.

Maybe re-evaluate how you are approaching relationships. You deserve to be happy each step of the way. If there are warning sings early on, like he asks you to start buying him things, or if he says he's npt sure what he wants, just end it there and save yourself the heart ache later on.
 
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Honduran_dude is offline Honduran_dude Post #33  March 29,2010, 3:44pm
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Hi there!

I guess your friend is a really shallow person. I was like that in fact. But getting older teachs you that not everything that shines is gold.

So, first, let me tell you that as we say in spanish "there is a color for each person". That means that there are men which thinks that a 9 is a really fat person. And for others a 9 is a skinny person. Everything is relative. Is the same with movies and paintings. When I went to see Pulp Fiction for instance, we went in a big group like 10 or so. After 20 minutes, most of my friends were out of the cinema. And I LOVED IT.

In your case, you just have to find yourself. First, stop dating fat guys if you don't really like them.

Second, You have to raise your value as a person. If you think you are beautiful and attractive, you will irradiate that to the others. And several men will feel attracted to you. If you feel that you are ugly, you will irradiate that and men will not feel attraction. So simple like that.

Third, use a little makeup and good clothes. A little glow in your lips, well cared hands and feet and a nice parfume will do wonders.

And when you have the man with you, don't stop feeling preety, taking care of yourself and never ever stop having sex. That is just mean and manipulative. If you don't want to have it because you are not in the mood, well, is your decision. But not having it just to keep a guy close to you is not cool.

I would recommend that you take the 3 steps I mentioned before but don't get into any relationships in 2 or 3 months. Just date. And do that with several men. Don't stay with only one. That way you will feel appreciated not by one but by several. Then you will have a better "pool" of men where to chose from. Keep yourself busy, and never forget that you are beautiful, like any other person in this world.

And the last thing. Smile. Lots. Everywhere, for any reason. But be sincere. Find the fun in everything. Its amazing how beautiful a woman looks when is smiling. And everyone will note that and will be around you.

Hope it helps, I know you will do it great! You are great!
Ab
 
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ChrissyO is offline ChrissyO Post #34  March 30,2010, 7:10pm
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I feel for you girl. I have to point out that you have low self-esteem. You are the one rating yourself so low and that is not attractive in anybody. I was raised to believe "self effacing" behavior was like being humble, but its just weakness. Actually it's passive aggressive. Being beautiful and feeling proud is an inside job. Start doing things for yourself that make you feel relaxed and whole. Oh and incase your mother never told you - stand tall. Whenever you feel insecure stand with ears over shoulders and shoulders over hips. Best wishes.
 
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