Soontobedoctor is offline Soontobedoctor Post #1  February 28,2010, 12:20pm
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So I met this young lady about 6 months ago and since then we've developed a great friendship. We realized that we have alot in common, share alot of laughs, and genuinely enjoy each other's company. We decided to take a trip together to an exhibit one Saturday, had lunch together, and just had a great time together. Since that time, we would usually meet once a week for drinks, talk online, text, ect. And it's been great. She's been divorced twice and has 3 children: a teenage daughter who lives with her, and two young boys who live with their fathers. I am single, no children and have never been married, yet the fact that she is divorced and has children does not bother me, if anything, I admire her strength as a single mom.

Sometime between now and then, I developed feelings for her. We've continued to go out for drinks together once, sometimes twice a week and it's been fun as usual, though I've had these feelings for her. I've sent signals here and there and have received some signals back. I decided that it was time to say something. This week when we went out, I told her how I felt. She said she was flattered and knew I liked her, but admitted she wanted to stay friends. We talked a little and she admitted that she was a little scared about getting hurt (her divorces were very rough for her) and felt that relationships never worked for her. I reiterated how I felt.

She texted me again last night to go out for drinks and as always, we had a fun time, even after all this. We talked some more, agreed we have chemistry together and she admitted she thinks I'm a great guy, a "great catch" and she has thought a future we'd have together. But she's still hesitant. She's afraid something could go wrong and she'll lose me as a friend.

Anyways, I'm supposed to leave in a week for 2 months for a final internship for school that will be about 12 hours away, maybe some needed space. She knows how I feel, but is she maybe waiting for me to come back and establish myself (I'll be a physical therapist) before she commits? Maybe she doesn't want to show she has feelings just yet, knowing I'm leaving? I've told her I plan to come back (I honestly do). For her sake (afraid of getting hurt) and her daughter's sake (not getting her involved too early) I can understand taking things slow.

I just don't know what to do. Am I reading this wrong? Any advice please!

Thank you in advance.
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #2  February 28,2010, 12:30pm
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Maybe it is a good thing that you will be apart for a few months. The time apart MAY (I repeat MAY) either kickstart things or they may go in the other direction. Why don't you see her before you leave and say this is how I feel, lets stay in touch and see where we stand when I get back? If I were the woman this would seem the most logical thing to do.

Best of luck
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #3  February 28,2010, 4:41pm
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I agree. It sounds like there might be something good there if she can get over her fear, but I would keep it light for the separation. Give you both a chance to think - and a chance to see if you miss one another.

Good luck with your internship and I hope this works out the way it needs to as well.
 
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singinggirl is online now singinggirl Post #4  February 28,2010, 6:21pm
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I agree with the others. It sounds as if this break may be coming at good time. I understand her fear of messing up the friendship; it can be hard to regain that friend relationship once romance enters (and leaves) the picture. Stay in touch for the next several weeks and see what happens, I think.
Last edited by singinggirl; February 28,2010 at 6:23pm. Reason: typos
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #5  February 28,2010, 7:10pm
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No..... I think it's a really good idea, that you let her go at her own pace. After she does have a child to consider, and if things really do go south, how is she going to explain this all to her child of whom has gotten used to you being in her life for any length of time?? It's not easy to judge or to handle. And I've also had those thoughts too, so I know where she is coming from....
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  March 1,2010, 11:28am
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Soontobedoctor wrote :
Sometime between now and then, I developed feelings for her. We've continued to go out for drinks together once, sometimes twice a week and it's been fun as usual, though I've had these feelings for her. I've sent signals here and there and have received some signals back. I decided that it was time to say something. This week when we went out, I told her how I felt. She said she was flattered and knew I liked her, but admitted she wanted to stay friends. We talked a little and she admitted that she was a little scared about getting hurt (her divorces were very rough for her) and felt that relationships never worked for her. I reiterated how I felt.

She texted me again last night to go out for drinks and as always, we had a fun time, even after all this. We talked some more, agreed we have chemistry together and she admitted she thinks I'm a great guy, a "great catch" and she has thought a future we'd have together. But she's still hesitant. She's afraid something could go wrong and she'll lose me as a friend.
She's sending signals but you're not getting it. "but admitted she wanted to stay friends" means just friends with YOU.

"relationships never worked for her." She's been divorced twice. I'd be doing some due diligence to find out why.

"admitted she thinks I'm a great guy, a "great catch" but... not for her.

I'd take advantage of the two months away to help yourself move on from her.
 
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justkizzit is offline justkizzit Post #7  March 1,2010, 11:53am
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So easy with this one...She will eventually come around but since you are leaving town not gonna happen...Did she know you would be moving for intern prior to all this hanging out? If so, well its understandable she would not want to start something...
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  March 1,2010, 12:44pm
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It could be she's phobic and will never get over it; could be she just wants you as a friend and is sending mixed signals; could be she's gunshy or highly protective of bringing men into her childrens' lives after 2 divorces. Hard to know.

It seems you really like her. Maybe you could set an outer time limit that you're willing to invest in this relationship? Like 6 more months or something?

Maybe the 2 months' separation coming up can be an opportunity to see if she can relax and the relationship can deepen, without pressure of any immediate moving forward? Write letters, talk on the phone once in awhile.

On the other hand ... do you have a pattern of pursuing women who keep running away? If yes, maybe that's what's going on. If that's not your pattern, then maybe this is just one of those relationships that is going to take a long time to develop.

Good luck!
 
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Soontobedoctor is offline Soontobedoctor Post #9  March 1,2010, 1:28pm
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Thanks for the advice all! Much appreciated!

I agree, the break is at a good time, I think I'll know how she feels for sure when I come back. She's known for a while, maybe she's wanted to hang out more knowing I'm leaving for 2+ months? Either way, I sure we'll both be thinking.

Thanks for the well wishes too!
Last edited by Soontobedoctor; March 1,2010 at 1:33pm.
 
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Amazon925 is offline Amazon925 Post #10  March 28,2010, 4:37pm
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In all honesty, I would greatly prefer a guy getting to know me and then asking me out than meeting some random guy and going out with him with so many unknowns. The risk of losing a friendship is huge, but if you commit to being good to each other, and act maturely, things will probably work out well. Good Luck!!!
 
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