MermaidSwimmer is offline MermaidSwimmer Post #1  February 28,2010, 8:03am
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My girlfriend, who i loved, of 2 months broke up with me 1 week ago. Sharing the truth that she was contacted by an ex and wanted to be with that person, she was not in love with this person, quite unhappy and unhealthy, that they even asked her to keep them a secret, but felt she had some things she needed to go through with them before they leave in 2-4 weeks. Well I have felt a big loss, pain, grief and anger this past week, missing her terribly, yet working hard to focus on self, lots of social, learning guitar and journaling but everday a painful cry for her. I saw her yesterday for the first time and we hugged and kissed and shared how much we missed and thought about eachother. I shared with her the pain I was in not seeing her all week knowing she was with her ex but understand that this is something she feels she must do. What I asked for yesterday was when can I see you again? And she said tomorrow. I think I want to but am not sure and want advice on this: I have a committment today that ends in a boat cruise. I told her I would take her with me on the boat and we could spend time together. I would like to enjoy the cruise, hold hands, dance, hug and kiss. I don't know if 1. I pick her up, take her home and be intimate with her, knowing the following day she will be intimate with her ex and I may be in more pain over this, 2. Take her home, have a makeout goodbye, but don't get intimate. Or 3. We meet there have a make out goodbye then watch her leave knowing she may go see her ex that night which would be possibly even more painful. Any help?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  February 28,2010, 8:53am
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What you do is really up to her also, as far as the 3 scenarios, what if she doesn't want them? She is going back to her ex, so you want a good-bye "session" with her
Is that your question?
You already seem to be in pain about her return to the ex.
MermaidSwimmer wrote :
My girlfriend, who i loved, of 2 months broke up with me 1 week ago. Sharing the truth that she was contacted by an ex and wanted to be with that person, she was not in love with this person, quite unhappy and unhealthy, that he even asked her to keep them a secret, but felt she had some things she needed to go through with him before he leaves in 2-4 weeks. Well I have felt a big loss, pain, grief and anger this past week, missing her terribly, yet working hard to focus on self, lots of social, learning guitar and journaling but everyday a painful cry for her. I saw her yesterday for the first time and we hugged and kissed and shared how much we missed and thought about each other. I shared with her the pain I was in not seeing her all week knowing she was with her ex but understand that this is something she feels she must do. What I asked for yesterday was when can I see you again? And she said tomorrow. I think I want to but am not sure and want advice on this: I have a commitment today that ends in a boat cruise. I told her I would take her with me on the boat and we could spend time together. I would like to enjoy the cruise, hold hands, dance, hug and kiss. I don't know if 1. I pick her up, take her home and be intimate with her, knowing the following day she will be intimate with her ex and I may be in more pain over this, 2. Take her home, have a make out goodbye, but don't get intimate. Or 3. We meet there have a make out goodbye then watch her leave knowing she may go see her ex that night which would be possibly even more painful. Any help?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  February 28,2010, 8:57am
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I'm not really sure what you are looking for op. Why entangle yourself with someone that is treating you so badly?
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #4  February 28,2010, 9:06am
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So she broke up with you to get back with an ex.. and now she is cheating on her with you.

Two's company! Three is a Jerry Springer episode!

How long ago did she break it off with her ex before your two month journey.. Just thinking if she's on the rebound, I would back off pursuing her any further. If you're feeling pain now.. It can only get worse down the line, especially if she keeps flip-flopping between you and the ex.
Last edited by TrekRyder10; March 1,2010 at 9:59am.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #5  February 28,2010, 9:18am
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MermaidSwimmer wrote :
Any help?
Don't!
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #6  February 28,2010, 7:40pm
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Why would you want to put yourself through that much pain, if you know this is going to be a one-time thing only?? Is she worth that much to you ??
 
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MermaidSwimmer is offline MermaidSwimmer Post #7  March 1,2010, 6:36pm
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@w You were so right. She wasn't even able to go on the cruise last night. @n Thank you. I realized as the day went on that I wasn't willing to get "entangled" if you know what I mean. My dignity and self-love are far more important and bring long lasting joy. @t Good advice. Thank you. She broke it of with her ex over 1 year ago but hadn't "let it go" and shared her resentments about it early on. It concerned me. I have stopped the pursuit. @m didn't *

Update: Thank you everyone for your advice. This was the first advice board I've ever used and it was great. She couldn't make the cruise. We decided on a night beach walk afterwards but ended up just spending time parked near the ocean talking cause it was a chilly night. Seeing her in such anguish, unhappiness and unhealthyness in her relationship with her ex has allowed me to "let go" of any desire to be with her. She appears to be a mess and shares of this addiction she has to this person. My feelings are much more of compassion and concern for her yet, knowing I'm not willing to go there. I feel so much better after seein her and knowing what she's feeling. We were able to hug and kiss and release with love. I am so proud of myself for not "entangling" myself with her as she asked a few times if I would stay over with her. Her behavior is not attractive and I am blessed to know that I need to feel in love with the person before making love to them. An affirmation that helped me was "Love myself MORE" I feel relieved of the desire to pursue her and have no plans to contact her again. I feel great this morning, best I've felt in over a week. Thanks again everyone and make it a wonderful day! * * **
 
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