Dasil is offline Dasil Post #1  February 23,2010, 11:47pm
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Hi everyone,

I really need some advice/help here.

I'm a sophomore in college, and at the start of the semester I found out that a friend (sort of) that I hadn't seen since middle school is in my history class. Nothing happened the first class, but she initiated the conversation the next class. We just talked a little about degrees/current classes and who we still saw from middle school. It was a fairly short conversation, and then we didn't talk for the rest of class. The next class she again started talking to me, and it was another short conversation and we talked about similar things to the previous conversation.

While this doesn't sound too bad (I guess), I don't think I left a very good impression. I'm really shy around girls, which makes eye contact and general communication hard, and my contacts were dry which made the eye contact issue even worse. I also mumbled too much while talking to her. She also caught me looking at her and I did the stupid "look away quickly" thing, and I think she saw it.

I'm getting a little better with the eye contact and communication, and we've made eye contact several times during class, and she smiles at me or says hi (if it's the first time we've seen each other since last class). I'd like to hope that this means that she could be interested in me, but then again, she might just be being polite.

Also, I'm not the best looking guy. I do a lot of sports so I have a toned body, but my face is nothing special.

I'm really interested in this girl, but I'm too shy to do anything about it. Every day before class I convince myself that I'm going to talk to her, but when the time comes, I always chicken out. I'm too shy to ask her out before class starts because the other students are silent, and I don't want it to be awkward or embarassing, especially for her. The only time is after class, but we have other classes to go to, and she always leaves the class quickly (first one out), and I usually don't have time to talk to her. I've tried to time it so that I can hold the door for her, but that's only happened once so far.

Another thing I'm worried about is that she might have a boyfriend, but I have no idea if she does or not.

I'd really like to get to know her better, and hopefully form a relationship with her. I've considered catching up to her after class and telling her that I'd like to get to know her better and then asking if I can call her sometime. I've also considered inviting her to do something with a few friends I still see from middle school (giving them a chance to catch up and giving her a reason to come), but then I wouldn't know if she came because I asked or because she just wanted to see our old classmates. The last option I've considered is inviting her to do something with me and some friends (like above), except without actually inviting the friends, so it would be just us. Same problems as above, and it's dishonest.

Another problem is that we only have classes on Wednesdays, so after each class I feel like I'm losing my chances at ever asking her out. This also gives her another week to meet someone (if she hasn't already). I don't want to wait to long, but again, I'm just too shy.

So, now to my questions:
1. How can I recover from the first impression that I think I created?
2. What advice do you have on asking her out?
3. What would be the best option listed above, or are they all bad?
4. If they are bad, what would be some alternatives?
5. How would I go about avoiding the "friend zone"?
6. When is it appropriate to tell her that I'm interested in her? Is it better to be said early on or should I wait for a while?
7. What are some good ice breakers and things to talk about if I do end up asking her out?
8. Any other advice?

Sorry for the very long post, but she is the first girl I've ever really been interested in and wanted to pursue a relationship with and I really could use some help.

Thanks
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  February 24,2010, 1:40am
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Hi, you need to just ask her out, even if you have to catch up with her. Have something specific planned for a specific day. Pick something that won't feel too heavy or intimidating for her (like, not dinner or something like that) and have a specific time set. If you have an idea of her schedule at all, plan around it.

The longer you wait, the harder it's going to get to ask.
 
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OldManNoah is offline OldManNoah Post #3  February 24,2010, 3:50am
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Disclaimer: These are ideas. Something for you to work with and build on, not prescribed behavior

You're doing what shy people do. Letting your imagination run away with you. If she thought you were so horrible after the first meeting It's very unlikely she'd be smiling at you after that. Sounds like she has better social skills than you. There's a way you can rely on that and use it to your advantage but I can't explain how. She speaks first, go with it and stop bashing yourself.

Ask questions. What's her class schedule? What's she taking this semester? Is her next class clear across campus? Go with her anyway. Be late to yours.

Lead a little bit. Get there before her and say,
shall we go in?
Lets go in.
hold the door open and say "after you"
Then sit beside her.

You're in school. what ever happened to passing notes? Texting right?
what do you(she) usually do for lunch? If you have trouble with using a question then make it a statement,"Let me buy you lunch"


OR,..........The cafeteria was the best place for connecting I found. Most people seem to like company. Does she go there to eat? If she's alone, slide in the booth opposite her.
To find out if she has a boyfriend ask
What'd your guy get you for valentines day?
Got big plans for the weekend?
What'd you do last week end?

Ask her to a ball game. School spirit and all. She's going "with you" then, right?

Don't tell her you're interested, show her.
I'd say avoid the "do with old friends" at the very start. That's like saying you don't want all her attention. You want short alone with her face time.

The last thing is this. I wish you the best of luck and hope it works out. But life being what it is the odds are against you.
What you're doing here is like saying, "There's a dance competition next week, teach me everything I need to know to win. It can't be done. (next time)Don't wait until you see someone *you just gotta ask out* to start over coming your shyness.

ps. like someone once told me. Speak up when you mumble.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #4  February 24,2010, 7:29pm
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All your overanalyzing is just making it worse.

The worse turndown is better than endless angst over whether she likes you. At some point you have to take the (minor) risk of asking women out, unless you want to stay alone forever.

Don't worry if she has a boyfriend. If she does, she'll tell you when you ask her out, in which case you say OK, I didn't realize that. It's not a problem since how are you supposed to know she has one if she hasn't mentioned him?

BTW, college is a great place to be learning dating skills. It was probably the biggest pool of available, single women in my age group I've ever been around. Too bad I didn't realize that til years later.
 
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Dasil is offline Dasil Post #5  February 24,2010, 8:03pm
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Thanks for the replies.

Nanette wrote :
Pick something that won't feel too heavy or intimidating for her (like, not dinner or something like that)
Ok, what would be something that's not too heavy or intimidating?

OldManNoah wrote :
what do you(she) usually do for lunch?
These are night classes, so lunch is out of the question and she eats dinner at home. Also, my class next class is on a different campus, so that leaves me no time to catch up with her.

Thanks again.
 
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