When to bring up marriage talk


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formermodel is offline formermodel Post #1  February 18,2010, 8:45am
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Years ago I never wanted to marry so I never asked guys their opinions on marriage. Now though at the age of 39 I realize I eventually want this, though I am not desperate to marry. Because of this I made several changes to my life. Instead of rushing into sex, I told myself I'd wait until the relationship got very serious, such as engagement or marriage. The problem I am running into is that many men my age don't want to marry.

My question is when should I ask if they intend to marry? I know that many men insist they will never marry but change their mind, but others are dead set on never marrying. I also know that never married, no kids guys wanting marriage isn't as high as it was when I was ten years younger.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  February 18,2010, 9:49am
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For me *personally* its when they are informed that I won't have sex before marriage. They get two tidbits of information there. If they go, I have my answer to what their thoughts are on both. Works great!
 
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formermodel is offline formermodel Post #3  February 18,2010, 10:10am
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Nanette wrote :
For me *personally* its when they are informed that I won't have sex before marriage. They get two tidbits of information there. If they go, I have my answer to what their thoughts are on both. Works great!
So you are waiting for marriage too? I'm not a virgin, but after a lifetime of having sex too early (and having them leave anyway), I've changed my view on sex. I've decided that I won't have sex at least until engagement. There's way too many people having sex right away and guys often expect it on the first date (which I think is awful).
 
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fjp5 is offline fjp5 Post #4  February 18,2010, 10:10am
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I think from the start you shoudl let the other person know that you are looking for a potential life partner. There is nothing wrong with letting teh other person know that you are dating hoping to finmd a husband/wife.
 
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HappyandLight is offline HappyandLight Post #5  February 18,2010, 10:43am
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Nanette and formermodel

I really admire you waiting to have sex until engagement! That is something...seriously.

How long have you not had sex??? LOL

I could not do what you do. I wait for exclusivity but not marriage because it could be a long time away.

But I truly admire this. It takes strength.
 
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formermodel is offline formermodel Post #6  February 18,2010, 10:46am
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fjp5 wrote :
I think from the start you shoudl let the other person know that you are looking for a potential life partner. There is nothing wrong with letting teh other person know that you are dating hoping to finmd a husband/wife.
I wonder, do guys do this too? I know back then I went on a few dates where the guy told me he was looking for a wife. I wasn't looking to be a wife then and told him.
 
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formermodel is offline formermodel Post #7  February 18,2010, 10:50am
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HappyandLight wrote :
Nanette and formermodel

I really admire you waiting to have sex until engagement! That is something...seriously.

How long have you not had sex??? LOL

I could not do what you do. I wait for exclusivity but not marriage because it could be a long time away.

But I truly admire this. It takes strength.
In my case it was something I had to do to feel whole again. Without going into specifics, I was pretty busy my 20's and had lots of sex. At the time it felt right, but years later I regret it. Much of the sex was empty. I vowed then I'd wait until the relationship got "serious" only I never know what serious means because that messed me up earlier. Now, I decided that serious means at least engagement, but possibly living together (though this one is a little tricker).
 
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geniaeb is offline geniaeb Post #8  February 18,2010, 11:00am
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Good for U!
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #9  February 18,2010, 11:07am
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formermodel wrote :
So you are waiting for marriage too? I'm not a virgin, but after a lifetime of having sex too early (and having them leave anyway), I've changed my view on sex. I've decided that I won't have sex at least until engagement. There's way too many people having sex right away and guys often expect it on the first date (which I think is awful).
If you wait till engagemnet I am leaving you. I understand waiting until a serious relationship to have sex, I will fo that to...but engagement??? How do I want to know I want to marry this person if we havent had sex yet? Sex is an important part of a relationship.


Also you get married because you want to...not because you need to if you want to consider yourself successful.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #10  February 18,2010, 11:55am
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Nanette wrote :
For me *personally* its when they are informed that I won't have sex before marriage. They get two tidbits of information there. If they go, I have my answer to what their thoughts are on both. Works great!
Do you tell them this before they start dating you, so you don't waste each other's time if your values don't match?
 
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