so me and my ex got into a fight.


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shatter01 is offline shatter01 Post #1  February 5,2010, 12:44am
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So heres what happened. Me and my ex are friends. And we still hangout a lot then on my birthday she decides to start some drama and it ended up turning into a huge fight. So anyway i was like alright F#$% it and was like we are done. Then the next day i returned the things she got me (just dropped them off didn't want to see her) and she did the same thing. So things were going alright and not even a week goes by and she texts me asking to call her when i got the chance, So i ignored it for a few hours then sent her a text saying give me a call so she did. So we talked and things seemed a little odd like she was insanely happy to talk to me ( i was to to be honest she's just one of those people you can tell anything to and not feel like your dumb) anyway we ended up talking about the fight and how the next day when she saw the stuff i dropped off how upset it made her said she couldn't stop shaking for the life of her, and that shes been having troubles sleeping and not eating very much + bad anxiety. We ended up staying on the phone for almost an hour and it was a great phone call both of us were laughing and having a great time! So we are now "cool" again and are going to talk again and hangout the next day. Like it really seems to me that she still loves me (as more then a friend) but wont admit it even tho some of our other friends see that when we are together how close we are and think we are still in a relationship. I don't know what to do because i really do want to be in a relationship with her again possibly even marry her. I know theres not much info here but what are your opinions on what i should do?
 
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jcw001 is offline jcw001 Post #2  February 5,2010, 4:57am
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It sounds like there are elements of a relationship to me.

Advice... hmmm

1) You come across as emotional and I think it is a good idea to make sure the dust is settled in your head before making decisions.

2) What do you want and need? Do you know what your values w.r.t. money, togetherness, politics, kids, sex, etc. are? Does she meet what you need? my advice is to look very clearly at this. Just be honest with yourself.

3) What are her quirks? Do you see them? Surely there are things she says/does that make you upset. How upset do they make you? Can you live with them?

4) If 1, 2 and 3 are green lights, talk to her.

Hope that helps.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #3  February 5,2010, 5:33am
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Not trying to be “Negative Nellie” here, just pointing out some things I picked up on while reading the OP. (and stealing jcw’s post style)

It sounds like there are some elements of ‘unhealthy’ here:
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #4  February 5,2010, 9:01am
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shatter01 wrote :
So heres what happened. Me and my ex are friends. And we still hangout a lot then on my birthday she decides to start some drama and it ended up turning into a huge fight. So anyway i was like alright F#$% it and was like we are done. Then the next day i returned the things she got me (just dropped them off didn't want to see her) and she did the same thing. So things were going alright and not even a week goes by and she texts me asking to call her when i got the chance, So i ignored it for a few hours then sent her a text saying give me a call so she did. So we talked and things seemed a little odd like she was insanely happy to talk to me ( i was to to be honest she's just one of those people you can tell anything to and not feel like your dumb) anyway we ended up talking about the fight and how the next day when she saw the stuff i dropped off how upset it made her said she couldn't stop shaking for the life of her, and that shes been having troubles sleeping and not eating very much + bad anxiety. We ended up staying on the phone for almost an hour and it was a great phone call both of us were laughing and having a great time! So we are now "cool" again and are going to talk again and hangout the next day. Like it really seems to me that she still loves me (as more then a friend) but wont admit it even tho some of our other friends see that when we are together how close we are and think we are still in a relationship. I don't know what to do because i really do want to be in a relationship with her again possibly even marry her. I know theres not much info here but what are your opinions on what i should do?


You are telling me she is your ex???????


It doesnt sound that way at all. Sounds as if you have been together the whole time.
 
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shatter01 is offline shatter01 Post #5  February 6,2010, 8:35am
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1) You come across as emotional and I think it is a good idea to make sure the dust is settled in your head before making decisions.

-Yes the dust settled already i had more then enough time to think.

2) What do you want and need? Do you know what your values w.r.t. money, togetherness, politics, kids, sex, etc. are? Does she meet what you need? my advice is to look very clearly at this. Just be honest with yourself.

- We both have the same goals actually.

3) What are her quirks? Do you see them? Surely there are things she says/does that make you upset. How upset do they make you? Can you live with them?

- yea there are somethings that she can that but usually never anything she does makes me upset. And not matter how much it makes me upset at the time we work it out that night or in a few days time. Like had people saw we fight like we are married .
 
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shatter01 is offline shatter01 Post #6  February 6,2010, 8:46am
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[QUOTE=lucky173;876141]Not trying to be “Negative Nellie” here, just pointing out some things I picked up on while reading the OP. (and stealing jcw’s post style)

It sounds like there are some elements of ‘unhealthy’ here:
[COLOR=black]
 
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shatter01 is offline shatter01 Post #7  February 6,2010, 8:47am
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ami1uwant wrote :
You are telling me she is your ex???????


It doesnt sound that way at all. Sounds as if you have been together the whole time.
yea i know its really odd how we act when we are with each other .
 
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sqg123 is offline sqg123 Post #8  February 7,2010, 1:13pm
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shatter01 wrote :
So heres what happened. Me and my ex are friends. And we still hangout a lot then on my birthday she decides to start some drama and it ended up turning into a huge fight. So anyway i was like alright F#$% it and was like we are done. Then the next day i returned the things she got me (just dropped them off didn't want to see her) and she did the same thing. So things were going alright and not even a week goes by and she texts me asking to call her when i got the chance, So i ignored it for a few hours then sent her a text saying give me a call so she did. So we talked and things seemed a little odd like she was insanely happy to talk to me ( i was to to be honest she's just one of those people you can tell anything to and not feel like your dumb) anyway we ended up talking about the fight and how the next day when she saw the stuff i dropped off how upset it made her said she couldn't stop shaking for the life of her, and that shes been having troubles sleeping and not eating very much + bad anxiety. We ended up staying on the phone for almost an hour and it was a great phone call both of us were laughing and having a great time! So we are now "cool" again and are going to talk again and hangout the next day. Like it really seems to me that she still loves me (as more then a friend) but wont admit it even tho some of our other friends see that when we are together how close we are and think we are still in a relationship. I don't know what to do because i really do want to be in a relationship with her again possibly even marry her. I know theres not much info here but what are your opinions on what i should do?
1. Yes it sounds like she still loves you.

2. Don't be calling her out on starting drama when you do stuff like dropping off the stuff she got you for your birthday. Dude that's a major drama move - totally unnecessary thing to do.
 
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Wisser is offline Wisser Post #9  February 7,2010, 1:42pm
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Toxic

This relationship is toxic. The two of you are hanging on to someone who is familiar. You can't seem to work out your differences, but won't get away from each other long enough for either of you to find someone whom might be suitable. If you get married your life will be filled with contiuous drama. Some people like that, believe it or not. But if you want a sane life, gather up all your strength and stay far away from this person. You both have become a slave to your emotions and that is why the anxiety is so prevalent. Don't get into a relationship with anyone until you have healed emotionally. You need to find other things to do with other friends or by yourself. When you are purged you will have a better chance at a real satisfying stable relationship.
 
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VolGal is offline VolGal Post #10  February 7,2010, 2:05pm
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Dude, I've had a lot of professional experience with couples and their breakups. I have determined that love is the sharp edge of a knife. It is very, very thin and if you use it the wrong way, you get bloody. Relationships are the same way. Think of this is a continuum - the extremes are hate on the left and insatiable love on the right, and in the middle is ambivalence. A couple should divorce when they get to the middle. Any emotional connection - whether it be extreme hate or extreme love - is still an emotional connection. The closer that emotion gets to neutral the more calm the communication.

And in over 20 years in my profession, the physical things you described doing are not "normal". Nor are they "customary" or "ususal" or "expected" in a relationship. It is physical violence whether it is a fist to a jaw or throwing items at someone.

I agree with the prior writer - TOXIC. But you may very well have been programmed to believe that this is the way relationships should be, and it will be that way for you.

Good luck. I would NOT recommend remarrying. But I would become familiar with your domestic violence laws in your state.

Harsh but true, and spoken out of years of professional experience.
 
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