Questions123 is offline Questions123 Post #1  December 10,2009, 8:26am
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My guy and I are advancing in our dating relationship. Last night, we discussed the important issues of introducing sex into our relationship. He says that it's been a few years since he's had sex, and that he was tested a couple of years ago with a clean bill of health. He said that he would get tested again if it would make me feel more comfortable. I told him that I would get tested too... and this made him very uncomfortable. He said it sounded like I had something to be worried about. I reassured him that I was not worried- just wanted to give him that peace of mind as well. He asked me not to get tested "right now". I don't understand- why would he NOT want me to get tested right now? This seems really odd to me. Any thoughts?
 
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fjp5 is offline fjp5 Post #2  December 10,2009, 1:09pm
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I applaud your maturity in even talking about this with him, most people don't even bother.

It does seem odd he doesn't want you to be tested though. Do you have a wild sexual past that maybe he is afraid of or maybe he doesn't want either of you get tested, he may want to introduce the sexual portion ASAP.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #3  December 10,2009, 1:18pm
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Just a thought. If he says he hasn't had sex for a few years and he think you have more experience than him, he might feel insecure about himself and fear that he can't perform in a way you will be happy with.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  December 10,2009, 1:37pm
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Questions123 wrote :
My guy and I are advancing in our dating relationship. Last night, we discussed the important issues of introducing sex into our relationship. He says that it's been a few years since he's had sex, and that he was tested a couple of years ago with a clean bill of health. He said that he would get tested again if it would make me feel more comfortable. I told him that I would get tested too... and this made him very uncomfortable. He said it sounded like I had something to be worried about. I reassured him that I was not worried- just wanted to give him that peace of mind as well. He asked me not to get tested "right now". I don't understand- why would he NOT want me to get tested right now? This seems really odd to me. Any thoughts?
Theres no logical reason for him to have a problems with it, and there is not any way for anyone to get into his head to figure it out.

I would be concerned about it to the point of where I would simply ask him what he was thinking when he said that.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #5  December 10,2009, 3:35pm
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I agree with Nanette. I can't imagine why he wouldn't want you to get tested... Well, no, I can imagine at least one unpleasant scenario. Be warned: I don't necessarily believe this, and am not saying that it pertains to the OP's situation, but I am, among other things, a fiction writer, so concocting unpleasant scenarios is part of my job:

(hypothetical)
If the woman gets tested and shows her partner her paperwork from the lab, he would be--one might fairly think--obligated to show her his. If she didn't get tested, he could attempt to get by with a verbal report to her of the results, rather than presenting any paperwork. And he could lie.
(/hypothetical)

There are, no doubt, other possible scenarios, but I'll be darned if I can think of one.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #6  December 10,2009, 3:57pm
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This is how you establish trust n a relationship????

What you are saying is "honey, I dont believe you"
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  December 10,2009, 4:06pm
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Nanette wrote :
Theres no logical reason for him to have a problems with it, and there is not any way for anyone to get into his head to figure it out.

I would be concerned about it to the point of where I would simply ask him what he was thinking when he said that.
Iconography wrote :
I agree with Nanette. I can't imagine why he wouldn't want you to get tested... Well, no, I can imagine at least one unpleasant scenario. Be warned: I don't necessarily believe this, and am not saying that it pertains to the OP's situation, but I am, among other things, a fiction writer, so concocting unpleasant scenarios is part of my job:

(hypothetical)
If the woman gets tested and shows her partner her paperwork from the lab, he would be--one might fairly think--obligated to show her his. If she didn't get tested, he could attempt to get by with a verbal report to her of the results, rather than presenting any paperwork. And he could lie.
(/hypothetical)

There are, no doubt, other possible scenarios, but I'll be darned if I can think of one.

I can't think of one either - except to avoid the cost, inconvenience and discomfort of it.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #8  December 10,2009, 5:35pm

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ami1uwant wrote :
This is how you establish trust n a relationship????

What you are saying is "honey, I dont believe you"
Ahem...there is belief and trust and there is being unnecessarily risky with ones health.

I make sure I am tested at least 2 times a year and ask my potential sexual partners for a new test prior to sex.

A mature person knows when the relationship is heading that way-really-we all are too old here to play the "spur of the moment' game. Or should be.

For the OP's sake I hope she continues to act in a responsible manner and if her partner has issues that they discuss them in an equally mature manner.

Kudos to you OP
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #9  December 10,2009, 7:51pm
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Iconography wrote :
I agree with Nanette. I can't imagine why he wouldn't want you to get tested... Well, no, I can imagine at least one unpleasant scenario. Be warned: I don't necessarily believe this, and am not saying that it pertains to the OP's situation, but I am, among other things, a fiction writer, so concocting unpleasant scenarios is part of my job:

(hypothetical)
If the woman gets tested and shows her partner her paperwork from the lab, he would be--one might fairly think--obligated to show her his. If she didn't get tested, he could attempt to get by with a verbal report to her of the results, rather than presenting any paperwork. And he could lie.
(/hypothetical)

There are, no doubt, other possible scenarios, but I'll be darned if I can think of one.
not only that, if he actually has something and she's been tested showing she doesn't ... it's kind of proof of the court variety that could be used to prosecute him later for lying.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #10  December 10,2009, 7:53pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
This is how you establish trust n a relationship????

What you are saying is "honey, I dont believe you"
You know, ami1uwant, there are a lot of people who have sexual diseases such as HPV who are completely unaware they are carrying because they never have any symptoms.

While most people don't ask or discuss the subject, it's completely reasonable and smart to do so.
 
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