Homer231 is offline Homer231 Post #1  November 30,2009, 12:23pm
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I'm 41, and basically have had only 2 serious relationships in my life...One that lasted 10 years, the other only a year. The 10 year one ended because she cheated on me.....the one year one because it was a distance relationship that eventually dissolved.

I have been single now roughly 4 years, and during that time I have dated off and on(via EH or another site) and never met anyone of long-term potential. Dates were either, I was not interested and they were(or vice versa), and others we may have dated for a few weeks and then chemistry-compatibility on either side just wasn't there(life goals, wants etc)...

I'm not the "Shallow Hal" type of person, expecting a magazine model that makes 500k a year. Just someone I'm attracted to and click with...however, over the past few years that seems to be easier said then done. And let me just add this...I do not have unrealistic expectations of potential partners or have standards that are ridiculously high(as in the Shallow Hal movie).

As I am getting older, and the social network decreasing,( because friends have moved on or have families now and the days of going out are behind them); it seems internet dating is my best option.

I guess my question is...is this just a string of bad luck? Or am I just doing something wrong, and I don't even know it...

I would like a family one day and be happy, as we all do wish. A friend once said to me, "You'll find someone when your not looking."(I heard this saying before)...but I doubt Miss Future Girlfriend is going to knock on my door.(I also work in a career field that is 95% male..so the chance of a work encounter are slim).
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  November 30,2009, 12:40pm
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Hi Homer,

It doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong, so I guess it's bad luck.

I do think you might be in the hardest age group: most people are already married and haven't yet been divorced or widowed, staying together because of kids etc.

Online dating will put you in contact with women you'd never meet otherwise, but so will lots of things you can do IRL: get involved in groups and activities that you like anyway, and that single women are likely to attend. After a couple months on eH I've decided that's really what I need to do, if I want to be seriously looking for a relationship.

You sound like a nice guy! Good luck!
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  November 30,2009, 1:08pm
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At any age Internet Dating is a challenge. Dating is a challenge to begin with, but the anonymity the Internet offers lends itself to flaky and unacceptable behavior. Plus it allows people to keep their options open. I would not give up. I have met some very nice, intelligent people on line and my standards are quite high. I am looking for a socio-economic match as someone else stated. The key is to pick up on the subtle or not so subtle cues and to know when to cut your losses and move on. I don't know how active you are, but an outdoor club tends to attract, healthy, active, educated types. Just another option.
 
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Homer231 is offline Homer231 Post #4  November 30,2009, 2:07pm
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Ok, so I guess..your both suggesting, continue internet dating, but broaden my horizons by joining some social activity group..whether sports related, physical fitness or hobbies etc....
 
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