nuday is offline nuday Post #1  November 26,2009, 8:39pm
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Ok, so i was dating this guy. He previously got out of a relationship and his ex hurt him. The problem is that he is so distant, he wont get close to me. We'll spend time together and suddenly he'll become distant, b/c he says he doesnt want to get emotionally attached to anyone. Im wondering if i should just leave this guy alone or wait and give him space. Im not sure if its something that im doing wrong or what? Any suggestions?
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #2  November 28,2009, 8:24am
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He either isnt ready...legitamently...or he is playing games with you and using the past relationship as an excuse to keep you around as a second option.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  November 28,2009, 8:48am
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He says right upfront he doesn't want to get emotionally attached to anyone. Whatever his reason, I'd take him at his word. If you do want emotional attachment, you're incompatible with him.

I think yes, you are making a mistake, in that you're hoping he will turn into some other person ... one who wants attachment. It's best to take people as they actually are, and decide whether that's who you want to be with.
 
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scandalous is offline scandalous Post #4  November 28,2009, 9:43am
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I would take him at his word. He does not want emotional attachment. Waiting for him to change his feelings is just going to keep you off-balance, confused, hopeful, and frustrated. He appears to not want to commit. He may just be lonesome and wants your company but not want your heart. If spending time with him is what you are able to handle it without getting your feelings hurt, then I would consider doing that, and accept things as they are.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #5  November 28,2009, 12:37pm
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If I were in your shoes, I would move on as I would be uncomfortable and unhappy with emotional detachment within a relationship.
 
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SincerelySarcastic is offline SincerelySarcastic Post #6  November 28,2009, 1:56pm
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Bad timing for him. If you are ok with the way things have been going, then keep at it.
If you don't wanna be a rebound or side chick until he figures out his feelings, then let it go. Go on about your life and if he comes back to ya, minus the baggage then give em a chance.
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #7  November 28,2009, 3:07pm
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It all depends on what you want. If you want a committed, LTR with prospect for "M" then he is not your guy.

If you happen to be in a spot where company and loyalty is what you value most then he could be just what you are looking for. Chances are, if he's been hurt by an ex, he's not out playing the field and keeping girls around as "second options"
 
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NathanCM is offline NathanCM Post #8  November 28,2009, 11:21pm
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When in doubt, reach between the legs and find the yellow/black handles and pull...
 
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reenz is offline reenz Post #9  November 28,2009, 11:50pm
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I believed the last guy who told me this, that he was hurt by his ex and wasn't ready. So I let him go, hoping he would come back to me when he'd recovered. After waiting over a year and never hearing from him, I contacted him only to find out that he'd been seeing another woman for 6 months. I realized that his rejecting me had little to do with him not being ready for a relationship, but everything to do with him not wanting a relationship with me... and him not being able to be straight with me. If it was truly about him not being ready but really liking me, he would have certainly come back. Instead he kept me around as long as he did because he was lonely and wanted a companion, and thus he pretended some level of interest in me to keep me around. From my own experiences, I would advise you to move forward with your life and not be on hold for someone.... your life is too valuable to be wasted over someone not fully interested.
 
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