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sweetiepie sweetiepie is offline
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sweetiepie is happy.

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I am 34 and a widow of 2 1/2 years and I have a 3 year old daughter. I am SOOO Scared!!! First I miss being in a relationship and want that closeness again and dont know if I will find it. Also I dont know how to date or communicate with someone new, I have not dated in 10 years and then I would just go to clubs to meet people and alcohol helped there. I dont want to tell a match that I am a widow right away and that I dont work because then I am afraid I may get taken advantage of. Also if they ask what I do for a living and I make something up then I would start the relationship off with a lie. Then there is the decision to go out with a date instead of spending time with my child, while now she is always with me. I worry about once I find someone, they will eventually need to meet my daughter and that freekes me out, will they be nice to her, will she get hurt, there are so many crazy people out there. I am a mess does this mean that I am not ready to be dating yet???
- May 14th, 2008, 01:51 am
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RC_Cinci RC_Cinci is offline
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RC_Cinci is looking for an original sin. One with a twist, and a bit of a spin.

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Those are all valid concerns. I think it all boils down to you finding balance, but that's easier said than done. I'll comment on a few, and maybe my opinion will help you out.

"Then there is the decision to go out with a date instead of spending time with my child, while now she is always with me," This one hits kind of close to home. You should spend time with your child and not be one of those parents that just abandons their kid so that they can go party every night. At the same time, it isn't healthy for you kid to never be away from their parent. As well, you should date and have healthy relationships, because your child will learn a lot from you - and, don't you want them to eventually date and have healthy relationships? She's a bit young to pick up on that, but she WILL learn from your actions. It is important that you eventually date.

Communicating with others... Wow. There are books that will help you get better with that (a therapist might also be helpful), but.. on-the-job training is still the best way to re-learn. Try talking to people often enough, and you'll eventually get better at it. If you really need pointers, there are plenty of people that will offer you advice if you give them more specifics.

And.. no, I wouldn't make something up about having a job, either. Do you ever think about getting a part-time job, though? Or volunteering somewhere? Being exposed to people will really help your communication skills, and it will probably allow you to become more balanced in the long run.
- May 14th, 2008, 03:11 am
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aguyspoint aguyspoint is offline
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aguyspoint wonders, "What would Lady Viria do?"

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sweetiepie, wrote :
I am a mess does this mean that I am not ready to be dating yet???
You can casually date, but you're not ready for a relationship given the above.

Fix the mess. The rest will follow naturally.
- May 14th, 2008, 02:22 pm
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flgal flgal is offline
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Okay, let me preface this by saying that my opinion is based on the assumption that you are a mess mostly because of whatis ahead...not what you have already been through. Since it's been 2 1/2 years since you lost your husband then enough time has passed, in my opinion, for you to be thinking about dating. If you had only lost him six months ago I would think you would need to spend a little more time working through your feelings. All of the other things sound like perfectly normal concerns for a widowed, single mom who hasn't dated in over 10 years. I thinkthey willgradually workthemselves outas you slowly venture out into the dating world. As a single mom myself, I can speak from experience when I say that taking time for yourself is a very important thing for you to do (whether it is to date, pursue a hobby, work part-time, go back to school, etc). As RC Cinci stated, I think balance is the key.

Best of luck to you!

~ C

- May 14th, 2008, 03:18 pm
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