Is she interested in me or just being friendly?


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greenRyan is offline greenRyan Post #1  November 19,2009, 11:58pm
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I haven't dated much, and the issue I'm running into now is the same one I've always struggled with: Is she interested in a serious relationship or is she just being really friendly? There's a girl who's being really nice to me and giving me a lot of attention, texting, saying she's thinking about me and praying for me, thanking me for a wonderful time the other night (I invited her to a social event with my friends), etc. I was going to pick her up, but her parents wanted to meet me before they let some guy they didn't know drive their daughter around. They were really nice, and the dog was barking, but quickly warmed up to me and started playing. They said he doesn't usually "accept" people so quickly. I felt like I passed the "dog test" and had met the parents, but this girl is still just a friend, right? Then she says something about meeting my parents, which is cool, but I thought the point was her parents meeting me so they wouldn't have to worry about their daughter riding around with a stranger. I'm not that skilled at determining whether or not a girl is seriously interested, so what's going on?
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  November 20,2009, 8:43am
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Yes, she's interested in you! She's:
- being nice
- giving you a lot of attention
- making contact
- says she's thinking of you
- saying thanks for taking her to an event
- having you meet her parents, who were nice to you
- mentions wanting to meet your parents

Those are signals that say "I'm interested"!

One caution: you actually asked not if she's interested, but is she interested in a serious relationship -- neither of you can know that, without getting to know each other better. Until then, just be interested! Good luck!
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #3  November 20,2009, 11:01am
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I agree this girl is very interested. Ask her out see where it goes.

Good luck,
Bearwolf102
 
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thefastcat is offline thefastcat Post #4  November 20,2009, 12:06pm
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She has told her mother she really likes you and her mother told her father that she really likes you. Her father said "hm I better meet this boy" and he liked you.

...?

This girl likes you much more than you even know, Ding Dong!

do you like her? You seem pretty reserved!

what other information might you be in need of?
 
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greenRyan is offline greenRyan Post #5  November 20,2009, 12:44pm
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Thanks for your thoughts. One note, when I say "serious relationship" I generally mean anything more than friends, but it's not clear to me what the different stages are. I don't believe in the idea of dating someone for a few months, dumping them, dating someone else, dumping them, dating someone, deciding to marry them, etc. My idea has always been that if she's not someone with at least some marriage potential I don't even want to date her, no sense leading her along if I know I'll just break up with her. Other than this most recent girl, I've known of only 2 girls that have wanted to date me, and I had to tell them both that all I could be was a friend.

At what point should we discuss the nature of our relationship, whether we're now dating or not, what her expectations are, etc.? Where do two people cross the line (in a positive sense) from friendship to dating, or a serious relationship?

Thanks.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  November 20,2009, 1:32pm
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I don't think you can know, before you've spent some significant time together, whether there's "marriage or serious potential". You can weed some people out, immediately or very early on, but to know whether you might be good for the longterm, you have to spend time interacting and see how it goes. A woman might meet your basic requirements, in say age, intelligence, looks, religion, etc., but you find over time that she bores you, or as a couple you can't solve conflicts or problems, etc ... it won't work out longterm. No way to know that, without giving it time to get bored, or to have conflicts and see what happens.

That's why you might want to date someone for a few months, then "dump", then date someone else for awhile, then "dump", and hopefully eventually date someone for awhile and decide "stick with".

I think it's time to talk about the nature of your relationship when you begin to have some clarity about it for yourself. Until then, there's not much to say, other than than "I'm really enjoying this, and am hoping it deepens".

That's my point of view. Other people see it differently ... there really aren't rules about these things; you have to work it out for yourself. Good luck!
 
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cluelessdude is offline cluelessdude Post #7  November 20,2009, 1:58pm
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To the question of does she like you, I would say most likely.

Your other questions won't be answered in this post but through living life by trial and error. Adopt a don't worry be happy attitude and just let it roll. Stop worrying about the right thing to do or the timing of it or whether or not she is on the same page. All you can do is run with your heart and be willing to take a risk. You may not be on the same page - who cares. If you like her and she isn't into you then nothing you do right or wrong will change it so just be you. If you want to ask her out because she is fun to hang out with then do it and be glad for the fun that ensues. The only "wrong move" in any relationship is the one that isn't you. The bottom line here is this... if she is going to reject you then let it be YOU she rejects - the real you, not the perfect you that you tried to fashion based on what you think she wants or doesn't want. And if she is going to fall in love with you somewhere down the road then let it also be YOU she falls for, not the guy who does everything by the book and in the perfect timeline because there isn't any such thing. Every two people and their situations are completely different. Some people click out the box and spend lots of time together communicating quite well and frequently so they get to know each other quickly and make quicker decisions. Others are more reserved, some play games before they open up and are true to themselves and others, and some people just don't even know their own mind so they can take quite a while to decide what's up in a relationship. Don't be afraid to be the bigger man and tell her what's up. If you like her or like hanging out with her then just say it. If she doesn't like you the same way then she will let you know and you can take it the frienship road or move on. Why play games? Why waste time trying to figure it all out? If she isn't the one for you then the time you spend spinning your wheels is time not spent with the one who is meant for you, right? I am not suggesting you go overboard and start stalking her or calling her 27 times a day but you get the point. A casual "your fun to hang out with" or other such compliment goes a long way in figuring out where she is at and it makes you a better person for learning how to express yourself. That's my take on it. The rest of it is the fun in figuring it all out so let the fun times begin....and no matter what STAY POSITIVE.... people gravitate to others that have a good attitude.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #8  November 20,2009, 3:17pm
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greenRyan wrote :
My idea has always been that if she's not someone with at least some marriage potential I don't even want to date her, no sense leading her along if I know I'll just break up with her.
I'll play devil's advocate ...

I can't help but wonder with your above statement where "potential" intersects with "expectation" given everything else you are saying.

If you are going into any 'dating' situation expecting it to lead directly to marriage - do not pass GO, do not collect $200 - then, you are going to be one hurt puppy when reality beats you about the head and shoulders with its lead pipe.

Personally, I think that's what going to eventually happen ...you already have this gal in a wedding dress, walking down the aisle ...and you haven't even asked her out yet. You are way overthinking this, and that leads to showing signs of desperation and neediness.
 
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