Travler87 is offline Travler87 Post #1  November 17,2009, 5:55pm
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There is a girl who I’ll call Brittany that is a freshman here at my university. My one friend who I’ll call Stephanie introduced me to Brittany at dinner. At first, I was physically attracted to Brittany and wanted to know more about her. That evening she added me as her friend on facebook and we would IM one another until she told me she had a Skype account. I got her information and so we started talking via Skype. From there it was easy to communicate and I managed to get her number without having to ask for it. I thought that was pretty interesting seeing I barley know her. Usually it’s hard for a man to get a woman’s number. I looked at that as a positive. So I waited a couple of days before I’d text her. I didn’t want to come off desperate and what not. So a week goes by with the occasional texting and Brittany eating dinner with my group.


During dinner, I would try to engage her in conversation but she came off as quite. Well later that week our town has an annual festival that is a weeklong. On Thursday, I go down to a friend’s house to play some DnD. Later that night, Stephanie comes down and watches our game. She then goes on and asked me what do I think of Brittany. I respond, “I do not know her well enough to give you an answer. Why you ask?” Stephanie proceeds to show me a text from Brittany that says, “Have you found out what Sean thinks of me?” That sparked my curiosity by seeing that. Then Stephanie is like you need to do something soon. Ok here I’m think why? Over the course of the next 2 weeks we would text back and forth and if I didn’t text her 2-3 days she would text me seeing what I was up to. During that time, I also asked her if she wanted to do something such as going down to the local café to play some chess/checkers, hang out, and watch a movie, ok you get the picture. Each time I would get I’m busy, I’m sick, I have a lot of homework, I have to help out with UAB with campus fest. Now I know Brittany is an English major and that requires a lot of time and effort. After campusfest was done then she had free time to hang out with me.

That Sunday, I asked her to come down and watch a movie, which we did. The occasion went really well. That evening she texted me telling me she had a lot of fun and wants to do stuff like again. Also she texted, Stephanie with “Guess who I hung out with tonight alone? JJJ” She proceeded to tell Stephanie that she had a lot of fun. Then later texted her “Don’t go making any wedding plans or anything, but find out what he thinks of me first.” Now Stephanie told me about this and showed me the text. This further got me to wonder is she really interested in me or what. I tell Stephanie that Brittany is a fun person and all but still early to tell how I feel. Next Sunday comes around and we had a nice 3-hour chat about anything that came to mind. There were a couple of instances that she slipped some things she probably shouldn’t have said. We were talking about why I am a challenge for her and if I recall correctly, I said why am I a challenge and she said “Because you’re hot.” Here I’m stumbled because I wasn’t sure what she said so I questioned her by asking “What did you say?” She wouldn’t answer the question so I asked two more times and she avoided the question. That is why I’m fairly confident that is what she said. Another thing that sparked my curiosity was we were talking about my wool blanket on my bed and how it’s warm. Warm enough to make you sweat in a cold room. She says she doesn’t believe and that we’ll have to see about that. That there sparked my curiosity even more. After we had this conversation about many things I walked her back up to her dorm and gave her a hug good night, which she snuggled her head into my right shoulder and made a little squeak, which was cute, in my own opinion.

Well next week, now November, I ask her to come down to my room and watch a movie, which we did. That evening is when I asked her to be my girlfriend. I asked her while we were hugging and when I did, she pulled away. She said, “Wait I have to explain something to you.” She goes on telling me that she just got out of a 2.5 year relationship over this past summer, isn’t sure if she still has feelings for her ex, isn’t sure if she’s ready to have a relationship right now, doesn’t want to hurt me, but still wants to be friends and hangout. After hearing this, I’m like “Wow, Sean you really screwed this up.” I wasn’t upset but more shocked from the information that Stephanie showed me. It appeared all the signs were there that she had an interest in me.

Next morning, Wednesday, I get on facebook and change my status to “Didn’t sleep well. Mind was and is still spinning.” Shortly after her status is “Miss Independent, Miss Self-sufficient, Miss…Keep your distance” Now what does that mean? For the remaining week, she wouldn’t contact me in anyway. I had to initiate dialogue with her. I texted her and she responded which is a good thing in my eyes. But right now, I’m not sure what to do. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Last edited by Travler87; November 17,2009 at 6:27pm.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #2  November 17,2009, 6:24pm
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Please find the English department and ask them for the pamphlet "Paragraphs: Our Friends in Punctuation".
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #3  November 17,2009, 7:51pm
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is working hard for this vacation!

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Her status may have been a reminder to herself. She obviously likes you, but is reluctant/afraid to get involved again so soon. Try following her lead and just hang out for a while.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #4  November 18,2009, 6:37am
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Sounds like she likes you but has commitment issues that have nothing to do with you. The keeping you at a distance, and the Facebook status are definitely big red flags.

Trust me, you want her to work out her own issues before you get too attached. Otherwise, she'll just keep on playing these little High School games. Not worth it.

Keep trying if you really, really think it will be worth it in the end. But personally, I'd start looking for someone else. A woman who knows what she wants and is ready to communicate.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #5  November 18,2009, 6:58am
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From the sounds of it you are both in college and living in a dorm situation?

Stay friends, don't push the girlfriend thing. Neither of you have grown up yet, and you need to give each other time to do so.

Quit playing telephone with the other friend, facebook, and texting in the middle. This game of "I'm not going to tell him how I feel until I know what he feels" well, that is not healthy for any of the participants.

High school games - well, you are barely out of high school, so they will be played. It's a part of growing up. Doesn't mean that you need to buy in hook line and sinker.

Talk to her, don't post your feelings on Facebook, (the world at large does not need to know this) and quit buying into your mutual friends reconnaisance missions. Should this mutual friend turn up with the "do you like her/how do you feel about her" question again, tell the friend that the other one wants to know, she can ask you herself. If the other one does not want to ask you, then she does not want to know badly enough IMHO.

Is she playing with you here? Maybe. Maybe not. Only time will tell.

Good luck

Lilycat
 
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Travler87 is offline Travler87 Post #6  November 18,2009, 10:47am
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Thanks Lilycat. I know i'm a senior this year and shes a freshman. I don't want you to think i'm a creepier for going for someone younger than me. I have a 3 +/- age range. Eventhough I'm 21 and shes 18, what really drew me in was her maturity leve. Other 18 year olds i have seen here on my campus still are in the mentality of early teen years. Pathetic!

I do agree if she asks me what i think of her again, I'll come back with what you said, If she really wants to know she can ask for herself. Actually that has crossed my mind each time when that happened. But by nature i held tongue, which tends to get me into trouble. I'll see how it plays out. Thanks for the advice.
 
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Travler87 is offline Travler87 Post #7  November 18,2009, 10:51am
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Like you said only time will tell.
Last edited by Travler87; November 18,2009 at 10:54am.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #8  November 18,2009, 12:28pm
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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My opinion is ...she's using you as an ego boost to her low self-esteem having recently gone through a break-up.

You ...are ...the ...rebound.

There's nothing down that road but confusion and, ultimately, pain ...trust me.
 
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activeteacher is offline activeteacher Post #9  November 20,2009, 10:09am
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She wants to be chased. Gives her an ego boost. Does she still have dinner with your group? If so, you will be there and if she is interested, let her make the next move. Just make sure she is invited to group things.

I feel for you dude. Happens even as women get older.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #10  November 20,2009, 10:52am

blames self-help books

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It has been too long since I was a kid still it seems to me she wanted the challenge of landing you. Now that she did the challenge is gone so she is done. I would find out if the ex boyfriend dumped her. If so that is your answer, she wants him because she can't have him.
 
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