Dear ConfusedAgain,

Welcome to eHarmony Advice (eHA) and thanks for posting. Believe it or not, your's is a fairly common dilemma in that there's quite a few people out there who will date someone, i. e., like this lady has with you, when the person really isn't ready to move forward yet.

That's what's happened to you, most sadly. You've been caught up in what I will call this ladies' crazy cycle of her not really knowing what she wants. Unfortunately, it affects the people she lets herself be with.

This lady is not in a good place right now either mentally or emotionally to proceed forward with you and hanging around waiting for her will only continue to hurt you.

As hard as it may be, perhaps it's best you cut your losses right now and move on.

Interestingly, and I'm sure you know this, but I'll just mention it in passing, people want what they can't have. It's just human nature. It could be, if this woman thinks she can't have you, then she just may turn around and decide she really wants you!

My best advice to you for your own mental health and peace of mind is to drop completely all forms of communication with her and take her out of your cell phone and any other place you have her such as your email contact list, etc.

You sound like a really quality gentleman who so many woman would really like to get to know! Women who are not conflicted such as this woman is. Move on and don't look back in your rearview mirror.

Down the road, if she does contact you, don't be quick to get back to her, if at all. Let her wonder . . . . Don't let her think she has you and that you're there simply waiting for her beck and call and that she can summon you any old time when it suits her - irregardless of your feelings. She will disrespect you if you are! That's another thing about human nature.

Take her at her word that you, ". . . should just leave her alone." Let her have what she wants. She may very well find it's not what she wants at all.

Meanwhile, you're not hanging around waiting for something that may never be and torturing yourself in the process.

Take this as a valuable learning experience and proceed much more slowly next time building a relationship with a strong foundation first before anything else such as really getting involved with the person's kids, family, etc. That only hurts you, the kids, and the rest of the family as they have to be loyal to their own family member.

Remember, fairy tales are simply that and are not real life. Don't confuse the two. In life, there will always be ups and downs in any relationship and both parties should expect that and develop good conflict resolution skills to resolve issues that come up.

Again, you seem like a wonderful man any number of lovely women would like to get to know! There is many more than this one fish in the sea! Move forward in getting to know other ladies and let this one go. Really, someone so confused is no catch and will only bring you continued heartache with her ambivalence!

Be wise, be prudent . . . . Don't get involved with someone in the future who is not totally mentally and emotionally available to you. This woman apparently never was and it's good to know now before investing more time in a relationship where the other person's heart isn't in it.

After all, don't you only want someone who really only wants you? There will be that lovely lady somewhere! Be encouraged!

Please write and let us know how it goes for you. Remember again, that many, many people have been involved in this kind of situation most unfortunately, but have gone on to find the loves of their lives. You can too!

JavaJava5