craz35 is offline craz35 Post #1  November 6,2009, 9:59pm
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New to this so really not sure what to think (was married for 13 yrs.) Meet this women about a month ago on e-harmony. We live a distance apart so we haven't actually met yet but had planned on it. Anyway the first 7 days she would call and text constantly and we would spend at least 2 hours or more on the phone each time which was cool. Then something changed and not really sure why? She called late one night and I didn't answer and since then the calling and texting have come to a very slow and very intermittent pace with me now being the one to make first contact. I have asked her on one occasions if she still wanted to pursue this and if she felt comfortable with it and she said yes but with the lack of communication I don't know. A few examples of what she now does is she will text and say can I call you tomorrow and then she never does or shell say call me and then I do and she doesn't answer the phone. Last night for example we texted and I said can we talk instead of texting she said yes so I called her about twenty minutes later and she didn't answer so I texted her saying goodnight and to have a good day and still haven't heard back from her yet before she would reply fairly quickly. I'm starting to feel that if I try to communicate I'll seem needy etc. It's just that when I do reach her she is like yes lets meet and I'm glad to hear from you. I know and understand people get busy and life gets hectic but if it's not something you want just come out and say it. I don't like games but at the same time I'm really interested in her and don't want to quit without truly knowing. Anyway any information or insights would be welcome.
 
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DavidP001 is offline DavidP001 Post #2  November 7,2009, 3:37am
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I think its a new trend. I currently have 44 open communications on e-harmony in various stages of communication. It seems as though, instead of being nice and closing the communication when they find a problem, they are more prone to just avoid things altogether.

I nudge them when the option comes up because to me, until they close the communication, it means that they are still potentially interested.

Getting to the call stage and then getting treated like that prompts ME to close the communication. They get one last chance to send a message if they want to, they never do, and I dont care.

I dont want some passive agressive crap like that in my life anyways.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  November 7,2009, 7:00am
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I legitimate reason for sharply reducing communication ought to have been provided in a forthright manner, if she had one. (Could be workplace upheaval, family problem, medical problem - some might be things she feels are private.)

Asking you to call and then not answering strikes me as a childish game with no good explanation.

The best I can come up with is she lost momentum or excitement toward you - while that does not reflect well on her emotional stability (or your chances), do a lesser degree I would see it as within a range I might call normal.

Personally, I would not travel to meet such a probably flaky person.

I would give her some requirements, such as fulfilling her promises about her availibity. Not calling often and not being availible are okay to me; but making and then breaking promises is not.

I suggest giving up on this one.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  November 7,2009, 9:22am
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You could tell her what you're experiencing and see what she does with that, whether there's any improvement. But long-distance makes any relationship more difficult and if this one's a game-player or flaky, it's going to be uphill all the way. Probably a good idea to be contacting other women, whether you keep trying with this one or not.
 
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