Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Ask a Dating Expert See what our experts have to say, and then weigh in with your own advice. This discussion board is a great place to discover the wisdom of the group.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
craz35 craz35 is offline
craz35's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2009

Posts: 2

See profile

New to this so really not sure what to think (was married for 13 yrs.) Meet this women about a month ago on e-harmony. We live a distance apart so we haven't actually met yet but had planned on it. Anyway the first 7 days she would call and text constantly and we would spend at least 2 hours or more on the phone each time which was cool. Then something changed and not really sure why? She called late one night and I didn't answer and since then the calling and texting have come to a very slow and very intermittent pace with me now being the one to make first contact. I have asked her on one occasions if she still wanted to pursue this and if she felt comfortable with it and she said yes but with the lack of communication I don't know. A few examples of what she now does is she will text and say can I call you tomorrow and then she never does or shell say call me and then I do and she doesn't answer the phone. Last night for example we texted and I said can we talk instead of texting she said yes so I called her about twenty minutes later and she didn't answer so I texted her saying goodnight and to have a good day and still haven't heard back from her yet before she would reply fairly quickly. I'm starting to feel that if I try to communicate I'll seem needy etc. It's just that when I do reach her she is like yes lets meet and I'm glad to hear from you. I know and understand people get busy and life gets hectic but if it's not something you want just come out and say it. I don't like games but at the same time I'm really interested in her and don't want to quit without truly knowing. Anyway any information or insights would be welcome.
- November 6th, 2009, 10:59 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
DavidP001 DavidP001 is offline
DavidP001's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2009

Posts: 6

See profile

I think its a new trend. I currently have 44 open communications on e-harmony in various stages of communication. It seems as though, instead of being nice and closing the communication when they find a problem, they are more prone to just avoid things altogether.

I nudge them when the option comes up because to me, until they close the communication, it means that they are still potentially interested.

Getting to the call stage and then getting treated like that prompts ME to close the communication. They get one last chance to send a message if they want to, they never do, and I dont care.

I dont want some passive agressive crap like that in my life anyways.
- November 7th, 2009, 04:37 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
D_Lion D_Lion is offline
D_Lion's Avatar

D_Lion - Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 14,318

See profile

I legitimate reason for sharply reducing communication ought to have been provided in a forthright manner, if she had one. (Could be workplace upheaval, family problem, medical problem - some might be things she feels are private.)

Asking you to call and then not answering strikes me as a childish game with no good explanation.

The best I can come up with is she lost momentum or excitement toward you - while that does not reflect well on her emotional stability (or your chances), do a lesser degree I would see it as within a range I might call normal.

Personally, I would not travel to meet such a probably flaky person.

I would give her some requirements, such as fulfilling her promises about her availibity. Not calling often and not being availible are okay to me; but making and then breaking promises is not.

I suggest giving up on this one.
- November 7th, 2009, 08:00 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 Sassafras54 is offline
Sassafras54's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 1,319

See profile

You could tell her what you're experiencing and see what she does with that, whether there's any improvement. But long-distance makes any relationship more difficult and if this one's a game-player or flaky, it's going to be uphill all the way. Probably a good idea to be contacting other women, whether you keep trying with this one or not.
- November 7th, 2009, 10:22 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

« Heartbroken | Array | Is it normal to not be attracted to any of your matches? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I believe Valentines day is one day where people who have no one, besides friends and relatives, to celebrate this romantic holiday with, feel a sense of loneliness. Some of us are used to this, last ... ” – DennisWisconsin

Join the “No Valentines” discussion

“ Well, the term "knob" certainly isn't Shakespeare, but it is colorful nonetheless. I shall add it to my vernacular immediately!” – rocchio

Join the “Getting Over My Girlfriend's Past Lovers?” discussion

“It's Complicated=married, wanting a little something 'extra' on the side. That I am comfortable with who I am, but it seems a LOT of men are searching for that elusive...Barbie... So what do you ... ” – DennisWisconsin

Join the “What lessons have you learned from online dating?” discussion

“thank you. I should do it. just scared about that pain... and he said he doesn't care about this woman much... just that boy who had lived with him for more that 4 years since he was 7 years old. ... ” – hycpt

Join the “is it normal? or traditional american culture?” discussion

“I agree with you so I now stay away from plaid, wide stripes, and most patterns... I go mostly with plain button down shirts... ” – DennisWisconsin

Join the “How to End Bad Relationship Patterns” discussion

“As for 'better to know than not to know' he knows you are checking now. At least for me, it felt better to take some of that pressure off....of both of us. ....it's a messy gray area. I have no ... ” – cp30

Join the “Female Facebook Friends. Need Advice.” discussion

“You are right about all of it. Unfortunately....You know what you are doing is right, it was just hard enough to have to come to that decision, and now having to live with it is reallly hard. Time ... ” – beautifulgenius

Join the “It's over.” discussion

“This is quite funny, well, maybe it's not, but it provided about 2 minutes of entertainment for me tonight... the funny part is, by me clicking on his picture, he will see that I looked at him !! ... ” – DennisWisconsin

Join the “Hi Boss... Looking for a Date Too??” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:52 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0