Ihavfaith is offline Ihavfaith Post #1  November 5,2009, 4:02pm
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I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 years. Yes, we are engaged, but all of the sudden his taste in marriage has gone sour.
He used to be so loving and attentive and ever since he got this new job he seems like a different person. Not so loving and not attentive. He seems on edge alot of the time. His view on marriage is now "it's only a piece of paper, what's the big deal." I am having a hard time dealing with his change in feelings, and he really doesn't want to talk about it. What should I do. Stay cool and let it ride out??? I just don't know. I would love some advice.

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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  November 5,2009, 6:06pm
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has all the tools and can........satisfy

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Find someone else.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  November 5,2009, 6:59pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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Truthfully, he's the only one who can answer the questions you have as to why he's suddenly changed his viewpoint on marriage. You don't say how long it's been since his views have changed, or if you were supporting him prior to him getting this job. Unfortunately, sometimes people will agree to what you want to do and tell you what you want to hear when you are in a position to help them. Once they're able to handle things on their own, their true colors come out. Other factors that may influence his thoughts are new people he may be hanging around with, or maybe something negative happened to a friend that was married that he hasn't shared with you.

What's really important here is what you want. Can you be happy if he sticks to this point of view and never marries you? If the answer is no, then it may very well be time to sit down and have a conversation to get to the root of why his views have changed and what this means for the two of you. Make your decision from there.

Best wishes to you.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  November 6,2009, 5:38am
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New job, new environment, new responsibilities, new people, new activities, new coworkers, new social life...... All of that excitement may be causing him to feel suffocated in a relationship - a craving to sow some wild oats perhaps. Of course this is just a wild guess. Unfortunately the others are correct - the only way to get to the bottom of what's going on is to ask.

Also, when you say that he is not so attentive anymore, how sure are you that you are not blowing this out of proportion? Is it possible he is less attentive simply because he is busy and tired? Is it possible that you've gotten spoiled with certain things and since life has changed a little it seems like something is wrong when it isn't? Of course the whole marriage attitude is a more serious matter. Still, the only thing you can do is sit down and ask him without getting defensive and without any accusations.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #5  November 6,2009, 3:23pm
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is so in love!!

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You will have to talk to him. He is the only one who can answer your questions. If he's not willing to do that then what kind of relationship do you really have?

Sounds like he's got a lot of new stuff going on and not exactly trying to take you along for the ride. I guess I don't understand people who wait years and years for someone to marry them if marriage is the goal - unless you are really young and had to finish college or something like that. If I am dating someone and we are fully established in our individual lives and I wanted to get married - I could not see myself just hanging out and dating for 6 yrs. That's a long time. You could technically meet someone, date, become exclusive, get engaged, married and have 2 kids in that time.

It's time for you to sit him down and have the tough conversation. It sounds like you really want to get married and his thinking is now going in another direction. You need to prepare yourself for what he might say though.
 
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