Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Ask a Dating Expert See what our experts have to say, and then weigh in with your own advice. This discussion board is a great place to discover the wisdom of the group.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Ihavfaith Ihavfaith is offline
Ihavfaith's Avatar

Join Date: Nov 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 years. Yes, we are engaged, but all of the sudden his taste in marriage has gone sour.
He used to be so loving and attentive and ever since he got this new job he seems like a different person. Not so loving and not attentive. He seems on edge alot of the time. His view on marriage is now "it's only a piece of paper, what's the big deal." I am having a hard time dealing with his change in feelings, and he really doesn't want to talk about it. What should I do. Stay cool and let it ride out??? I just don't know. I would love some advice.

Ihavfaith
- November 5th, 2009, 05:02 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
tweet37 tweet37 is offline
tweet37's Avatar

tweet37 has all the tools and can.....satisfy.

Virtuoso

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 3,226

See profile

Find someone else.
- November 5th, 2009, 07:06 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
brneyedangel brneyedangel is online now
brneyedangel's Avatar

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 1,737

See profile

Truthfully, he's the only one who can answer the questions you have as to why he's suddenly changed his viewpoint on marriage. You don't say how long it's been since his views have changed, or if you were supporting him prior to him getting this job. Unfortunately, sometimes people will agree to what you want to do and tell you what you want to hear when you are in a position to help them. Once they're able to handle things on their own, their true colors come out. Other factors that may influence his thoughts are new people he may be hanging around with, or maybe something negative happened to a friend that was married that he hasn't shared with you.

What's really important here is what you want. Can you be happy if he sticks to this point of view and never marries you? If the answer is no, then it may very well be time to sit down and have a conversation to get to the root of why his views have changed and what this means for the two of you. Make your decision from there.

Best wishes to you.
- November 5th, 2009, 07:59 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
DancingFool DancingFool is offline
DancingFool's Avatar

DancingFool wishes the rain would go away...

Veteran

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 1,526

See profile

New job, new environment, new responsibilities, new people, new activities, new coworkers, new social life...... All of that excitement may be causing him to feel suffocated in a relationship - a craving to sow some wild oats perhaps. Of course this is just a wild guess. Unfortunately the others are correct - the only way to get to the bottom of what's going on is to ask.

Also, when you say that he is not so attentive anymore, how sure are you that you are not blowing this out of proportion? Is it possible he is less attentive simply because he is busy and tired? Is it possible that you've gotten spoiled with certain things and since life has changed a little it seems like something is wrong when it isn't? Of course the whole marriage attitude is a more serious matter. Still, the only thing you can do is sit down and ask him without getting defensive and without any accusations.
- November 6th, 2009, 06:38 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
TiffanyDiamond TiffanyDiamond is offline
TiffanyDiamond's Avatar

TiffanyDiamond ...is feeling lonely this holiday season!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 511

See profile

You will have to talk to him. He is the only one who can answer your questions. If he's not willing to do that then what kind of relationship do you really have?

Sounds like he's got a lot of new stuff going on and not exactly trying to take you along for the ride. I guess I don't understand people who wait years and years for someone to marry them if marriage is the goal - unless you are really young and had to finish college or something like that. If I am dating someone and we are fully established in our individual lives and I wanted to get married - I could not see myself just hanging out and dating for 6 yrs. That's a long time. You could technically meet someone, date, become exclusive, get engaged, married and have 2 kids in that time.

It's time for you to sit him down and have the tough conversation. It sounds like you really want to get married and his thinking is now going in another direction. You need to prepare yourself for what he might say though.
- November 6th, 2009, 04:23 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply

Bookmarks

« How should I approach this? | Array | First Date un-jitters. I want the nervousness back! »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Well, picture living with someone ... surely there are times of being together - in the same room - and each person in doing their own thing? That seems a natural progression.” – D_Lion

Join the “what to do... second guessing myself” discussion

“I don't know any "we guys" with nearly enough dating opportunities to monopolize time in this manner. Further, the people I know tend to see one woman at a time, and devote his interest to ... ” – Sawyer76

Join the “Is there a difference between weekday and weekend dates?” discussion

“Ditto Melman.” – Iconography

Join the “Non Paying” discussion

“Then why are you pushing to re-establish your hold on her and ultimately have her telling lies to her new bf then? Is lying ok if it's not to you? Do you have to have her rub your face in it ... ” – TwistedNurse

Join the “Is it a Lie or Not?” discussion

“I don't like eating at a restaurant next to a family with small children that have never been taught how to behave in public and refuse to handle the situation even if it means taking the child ... ” – outdoorjeanie

Join the “"I *HATE* it when.....” discussion

“That is going to be a very interesting Thanksgiving! You need to do alot of observation. If you get along with her sister so well, chances are you will eventually get along with her pretty well too. ... ” – newbie40something

Join the “Dating and insecurity” discussion

“ I have a friend who is on point with you about listening to her gut. It's not easy when the heart and brain are trying to tell you something else! ” – VB_Girl

Join the “Latest discovery” discussion

“ Olrowe-You ask to see ID? On what # date? I have never done this before. I have googled guys once I knew their last name to see what I can learn about them...usually their facebook profile or work ... ” – jens84

Join the “Need some advice please...” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:23 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0