tnmorris is offline tnmorris Post #1  November 3,2009, 12:56pm
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I like one of my friends and I know he has a grlfrnd. I have been trying to get over him and I don't know what to do. Any suggestions..
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #2  November 3,2009, 4:24pm
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How old are you? This sounds like 8th grade stuff. If you're past that point then you have several choices.

1. You can wish your friend the best and walk away from the friendship, since you're always going to be subtly sabatoging his happiness with your infatuation.

2. You can tell him how you feel and then walk away when things become horribly awkward.

3. You can tell him how you feel and he'll dump her for you. Then you'll spend all your time worrying if someone else was crushing on him that he'll do the same thing with them, given the opportunity.

4. You can wait until he becomes available again and then let your feelings be known.

There are times in life when we just have to suck up our own selfish wants and do what's best for someone else. I don't know how long you've been friends or what kind of friends you are, but unless he's also been harboring secret fantasies about you (which is doubtful) there is no win here except to behave with integrity and deal with your own feelings. There's nothing wrong with being truthful with him, but be aware that it will change the nature of your relationship and that change might not be for the better.

As for the getting over, that's fairly easy. Get busy doing things that don't involve him. Don't go out of your way to talk to or hang out with him. Find a hobby. Volunteer for a cause you believe in. Stop sitting around and fantasizing and go live life really full-on for a while. You might even meet someone who's available that you like.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #3  November 3,2009, 4:45pm

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It's hard to follow up a post from LBMM..

So I'll just advise you to print it and post it inside your locker door. 8th grade right?

I would read it over a few times to let it sink in.. sage advice was given..

Life is not a Hollywood movie..We all don't end up with who we want in the end!
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; November 3,2009 at 6:55pm.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #4  November 3,2009, 5:05pm
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CaptCrunch23 wrote :
It's hard to follow up a post from LBMM..

So I'll just advise you to print it out post on your locker
door. 8th grade right?

I would read it over a few times to let it sink in.. sage advice was given..

Life is not a Hollywood movie..We all don't end up with who we want in the end!
But if we're good and reasonably well behaved the vast majority of the time, we will eventually end up with someone good, right? (Throw me a crumb here, CC, I'm having a less than stellar day.)
Last edited by littlebluemonkeymind; November 3,2009 at 5:07pm. Reason: OK, not so much reasonably well behavied yada yada, as has integrity, good character and a decent moral compass...
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #5  November 3,2009, 6:02pm

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Eventually I hope so.. I haven't been on any naughty list in a long time. Finding someone who has morals that mirror mine, along with a direction and a purpose in their life. Is a lot tougher than I thought. I hope we both end up with someone who has good character, for me I want and all around amazing! I won't settle for just good..
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; November 3,2009 at 6:05pm. Reason: CC has no Crumbs.. slightly ocd I am!
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #6  November 3,2009, 6:22pm
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CaptCrunch23 wrote :
Eventually I hope so.. I haven't been on any naughty list in a long time. Finding someone who has morals that mirror mine, along with a direction and a purpose in their life. Is a lot tougher than I thought. I hope we both end up with someone who has good character, for me I want and all around amazing! I won't settle for just good..
Yep. That's my plan too. And guitar lessons in the meantime.

I'm headed off to sleep. I'm going to try and dream your amazing woman up tonight and point her in your direction. LOL. Whatever direction that is!

(That was better than a crumb - thanks.)
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  November 3,2009, 6:45pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
How old are you? This sounds like 8th grade stuff. If you're past that point then you have several choices.

1. You can wish your friend the best and walk away from the friendship, since you're always going to be subtly sabatoging his happiness with your infatuation.

2. You can tell him how you feel and then walk away when things become horribly awkward.

3. You can tell him how you feel and he'll dump her for you. Then you'll spend all your time worrying if someone else was crushing on him that he'll do the same thing with them, given the opportunity.

4. You can wait until he becomes available again and then let your feelings be known.

There are times in life when we just have to suck up our own selfish wants and do what's best for someone else. I don't know how long you've been friends or what kind of friends you are, but unless he's also been harboring secret fantasies about you (which is doubtful) there is no win here except to behave with integrity and deal with your own feelings. There's nothing wrong with being truthful with him, but be aware that it will change the nature of your relationship and that change might not be for the better.

As for the getting over, that's fairly easy. Get busy doing things that don't involve him. Don't go out of your way to talk to or hang out with him. Find a hobby. Volunteer for a cause you believe in. Stop sitting around and fantasizing and go live life really full-on for a while. You might even meet someone who's available that you like.
I pretty much agree as well, though I differ on point #3. I don't think someone breaking up with a current gf/bf means they'll be any more or less likely to do so in the future. In the same way, everyone I've ever dated has previously broken up with someone in the past....but that doesn't mean I won't go out with them because I'm afraid they might break up with me too.
 
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