Anyone: Please explain men's thoughts


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understanding is offline understanding Post #1  November 3,2009, 10:04am
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If anyone would give feedback to these questions I would really appreciate it. I need to understand to move on.

I met and went out with a married man a few times within 3 months. At first everything was great, he told me everything. Later we just kept e-mails then he moved away. He has since come back because he is getting a divorce but he won't tell me, WHY?

1. If he was so into me and he said so many times why would he not give me his new phone number before moving even though he said he was.
2. Now that he's back he looked me up but under the circumstances he wasn't himself and held back (hugs and kisses) WHY?
3. Says that I'm a "friend" if so why didn't he respond to my e-mail when I asked if our relationship as friends is a problem
4. WHY, would he not tell the truth about getting a divorce
5. Did I scare him away by e-mailing him very nicely (and caring) that I caught him in a lie about where he's staying
6. If this meant something to him and he looked me up then why doesn't he reach out to me (is it because I am married & things for me are on the rocks as well but he knows)
7. Finally, if I'm spinning my wheels how do I move on and let go as everyone makes it so easy. Is he just a player? Does he have someone else already? or could he really be waiting for the divorce to finalize. Still makes no sense to me why the communication is almost non existant when in the beginning he couldn't talk to me enough,; maybe I'm just yesterday's news.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #2  November 3,2009, 10:09am

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These are not men's thoughts, they are his actions..
sorry..I can't explain HIS actions..

Also you're both still married, enough said, I don't mean to sound harsh..I have a low tolerance for cheaters. So I'll shut my mouth!



OP.. be patient I'm sure some members will provide a reasonable response
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; November 3,2009 at 2:16pm. Reason: She left out the fact she was married in her last thread
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #3  November 3,2009, 10:10am

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understanding wrote :
I met and went out with a married man a few times within 3 months.
My apologies, I stopped reading after this sentence. My esteemed members of this board will give you their .02
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #4  November 3,2009, 10:37am
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Are you kidding me?! You are hurt because you are cheating with someone who is cheating as well and he is not giveing you the emotional conection you feel you deserve?!

What you both deserve is nothing. I pray that when your significant others find out they are able to move on. Do not ask for advice on cheating here.

Bearwolf102
 
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alissag is offline alissag Post #5  November 3,2009, 10:57am
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You're married? He's married? Are you kidding me?! Yup, enough said there!

I'll hold hold back with the rest of my opinion, it would get rather ugly.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  November 3,2009, 11:40am
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You knowingly got involved with a cheating, lying scumbag who was running around on his wife and now you are surprised that he lied and used you too? Really? I hope you've learned your lesson - he lied and used you and if you let him, he'll use you some more and lie some more. Whatever it takes to satisfy his cravings for either company or sex or both.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #7  November 3,2009, 12:38pm
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Please note that the OP started another thread on this a few days ago here: (Married Man divorcing but won't tell)http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/ask-dating-expert/31756-married-man-divorcing-but-wont-tell.html
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #8  November 3,2009, 12:39pm
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Sorry, but those who cheat speak a different language than me.
I can only take a wild guess.

My guess is that when you were both married you made a nice fling on the side when things got too rough at home.
Now he's free and ready to move on to his next victim.

Don't worry, I'm sure he'll marry again soon enough and then he might be available to you again.
 
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Jacquesne is offline Jacquesne Post #9  November 3,2009, 1:49pm
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understanding wrote :
1. If he was so into me and he said so many times why would he not give me his new phone number before moving even though he said he was.
2. Now that he's back he looked me up but under the circumstances he wasn't himself and held back (hugs and kisses) WHY?
3. Says that I'm a "friend" if so why didn't he respond to my e-mail when I asked if our relationship as friends is a problem
4. WHY, would he not tell the truth about getting a divorce
5. Did I scare him away by e-mailing him very nicely (and caring) that I caught him in a lie about where he's staying
6. If this meant something to him and he looked me up then why doesn't he reach out to me (is it because I am married & things for me are on the rocks as well but he knows)
7. Finally, if I'm spinning my wheels how do I move on and let go as everyone makes it so easy. Is he just a player? Does he have someone else already? or could he really be waiting for the divorce to finalize. Still makes no sense to me why the communication is almost non existant when in the beginning he couldn't talk to me enough,; maybe I'm just yesterday's news.
This guy is married, right? And cheating on his wife with you? Ok, let's answer this easily...

1. He's cheating on his wife. Probably not a good idea for her to see you calling him at a bad time.

2. He's cheating on his wife. Guilt maybe?

3. He's cheating on his wife. Married men generally don't introduce their mistresses as such because it makes it sort of obvious that he's cheating on her. Duh.

4. He's cheating on his wife. Which he hasn't divorced yet. How do you know he's planning a divorce? Did he tell you about it? Are you saying he hasn't told you about it and you want to know why (which means he isn't planning on getting a divorce) or you want to know why he's getting a divorce (...because he's cheating on his wife).

5. He's cheating on his wife. He's obviously already used to lying and probably isn't too happy that you're leaving an E-Mail that makes it obvious you're cheating to anyone who reads it. You're making his deception harder to maintain. Again, duh.

6. He's cheating on his wife. And you're both lying. He's probably trying to be, I don't know, sneaky about it. Which if you want to continue cheating you may want to work on.

7. He's cheating on his wife. You're cheating on your husband. It's not exactly the easiest situation for either of you. Relationships are hard enough to form when you aren't cheating. He obviously doesn't trust you (which means he has a brain). You shouldn't trust him. There's no way to know if there's another person from what you've said but it's not like he isn't already cheating. Technically the other person is his wife. Funny how that works.

I'm only half judging you. Logically speaking you've both established yourselves as individuals willing to lie and cheat on their significant other. So your doubts and the possibility of that happening in this relationship are pretty likely.

Is it possible your relationship could survive? Technically, yes. Is it likely? Not in the slightest. I would highly recommend for both of you to fix the problems in your current relationships before worrying about problems in a new one. Probably a good place to start.

Jacquesne
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #10  November 3,2009, 1:57pm
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Jacquesne wrote :
This guy is married, right? And cheating on his wife with you? Ok, let's answer this easily...

....
6. He's cheating on his wife. And you're both lying. He's probably trying to be, I don't know, sneaky about it. Which if you want to continue cheating you may want to work on.
....
Jacquesne

Mmmm, good point. I went with the assumption that he was already moved away from her and the divorce was a sure thing.
But as was pointed out, the OP said he 'is getting' a divorce, not that he has already gotten one.

Ever think of the possibility that if his wife's lawyer finds out about his affair, she will clean him out in the divorce proceedings?
Last edited by kevin76; November 3,2009 at 1:58pm. Reason: clarified whose lawyer
 
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