Vivaladeadman is offline Vivaladeadman Post #1  November 2,2009, 5:29pm
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First off I would like to say hello. I do enjoy this site over the other dating websites but I'm in sort of a rut. I don't think I'm an unattractive guy. I've done a lot of good for myself over the past 2 years to improve my health and confidence. Something is missing though. I've only been on here for about a month and have only 2 open communications. One has just started ignoring me. I didn't come across too strong we were just talking and all of a sudden I'm getting the silent treatment. The other has deleted her profile. Both of these happened a week ago and now I'm getting self conscious again.

Is it my picture? I have learned to not to come on too strong. I realize they might've just not been interested after talking to me but I feel I need some advice on what I can do to try and get more matches interested in me. Am I that ugly? lol I don't want to think so but I need some honesty here. Any help is greatly appreciated.
 
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the_unsnark is offline the_unsnark Post #2  November 4,2009, 3:12am
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I may have to get back to you on that I'd like to help, but I've only been on a few days myself. Personally, I think your pic is great, and my first thought is that you should be careful not to second-guess yourself too much. I should know, I do it like crazy
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #3  November 4,2009, 3:40am
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Welcome to online dating ...where you will need to grow a much thicker skin and stop over-analyzing everything to survive it.

Calm down, try to have fun with it ...stop thinking that every match is going to be a 'winner'. As much as they'd like to think so, I'd suspect that eH's "29 points of dimensions" have no better success rate than any other dating site.
 
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Chameleon is offline Chameleon Post #4  November 4,2009, 4:22am
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Hello. Let me say no, you are not ugly. You do look like Jay Leno. If you are kind, have a sense of humor, and just be yourself, you will be fine. Not only here, but in real life.
 
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Vivaladeadman is offline Vivaladeadman Post #5  November 4,2009, 6:58am
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Thanks guys and gals. I already feel better . My favorite sport is baseball and it's been described as a marathon not a sprint. I guess I should try and look at online dating the same way.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  November 4,2009, 7:45am
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Vivaladeadman wrote :
Thanks guys and gals. I already feel better . My favorite sport is baseball and it's been described as a marathon not a sprint. I guess I should try and look at online dating the same way.
I don't think you are ugly.

FWIW, women do place importance on looks, but not as much as men do, and in a different way. so don't sweat it.

online dating is the shotgun approach- there are people here with a thousand closed matches and still single, and i know someone who went on something like 60 first dates before finding someone.

the best advice i can give you is DO NOT email forever. Pull the trigger and meet for a drink ASAP. speaking for myself, I get very bored emailing or IMing for months.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  November 4,2009, 8:34am
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+1 to above.

Also, she did not "delete her profile" -- eH did that, for some reason ... she became unpaid, she got kicked off, whatever. It wasn't personal to you. If she were still a member you'd still be able to see her profile.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #8  November 4,2009, 6:30pm
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In three months I had somewhere just over 500 matches, only 6 of which went to OC and only two that resulted in dates. I believe I initiated communication on three of the six, including one of the dates. None resulted in a relationship.

It's just a numbers game. The best matching system in the world won't send the person of your dreams. It will only send you candidates that you might be more compatible with than the person you chat up in a coffee shop. There are all kinds of factors involved. For instance, where someone is in their search. Some of the men I talked to seemed anxious to be in a relationship - any relationship, which is a red flag for me. Others had too many obligations on their plate to devote time to getting to know someone.

Be patient. Don't get too excited when you do get to OC with someone. Don't assume that because you're matched and talking it's meant to be and, most of all, try to have fun with it and use it to augment meeting people in real life.

Stay away from profiles with no photo, or who don't respond to a nudge for a photo. Chances are they're non-paying members. Use the Guided Communication. You'll find out some stuff that might help you weed out potential problems. Once you get to OC, try to talk on the phone and meet as soon as possible. It's entirely too easy to create a false sense of intimacy through e-mail and telephone calls that doesn't always translate to real life.

And you're a cutie. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. : )

Good luck.
 
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sqg123 is offline sqg123 Post #9  November 5,2009, 7:54pm
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Its not your picture and you are a good looking guy. Also you seem normal and nice so just be patient. Remember everyone has these same type problems; few matches and fewer still communicating or just poofing for no known reason. Very common. Not your fault.

Also don't limit yourself to just one online site. Its a numbers game. Some sites have a lot of paying active members. Some sites just have fewer matches to choose from. Some sites allow old expired non-paying profiles to remain as if they were real matches.
 
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