Why doesn't interest from people you don't find attractive "count"?


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bd2999 is offline bd2999 Post #11  November 8,2009, 12:18pm
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It is true and I know I have done the same thing. Although not as blatent as what you are saying. If I get a match by a woman who is extremly overweight and just not attractive at any level, I probably will not really give her much of a chance. Shallow? Maybe, but to be completly fair I am very open with what I find attractive and had few matches that I did not find pretty in some way. If you are a bit overweight but are cute, that is fine.

Physical beauty is always one of those things that make internet dating a bit like window shopping and I do find that to be unfair, but in reality if you think about dating you usually approach someone who you are attracted to in some way and you are around them a fair bit. With the internet we are only getting one facet of that and people do have preferences. I only find it really bad if you only date women who are really thin and shorter than you, or a woman only wants someone who is much taller and super in shape. It goes both ways, but it is the reality of the internet dating scene as far as I can tell.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #12  November 8,2009, 5:52pm
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bd2999 wrote :
It is true and I know I have done the same thing. Although not as blatent as what you are saying. If I get a match by a woman who is extremly overweight and just not attractive at any level, I probably will not really give her much of a chance. Shallow? Maybe, but to be completly fair I am very open with what I find attractive and had few matches that I did not find pretty in some way. If you are a bit overweight but are cute, that is fine.

Physical beauty is always one of those things that make internet dating a bit like window shopping and I do find that to be unfair, but in reality if you think about dating you usually approach someone who you are attracted to in some way and you are around them a fair bit. With the internet we are only getting one facet of that and people do have preferences. I only find it really bad if you only date women who are really thin and shorter than you, or a woman only wants someone who is much taller and super in shape. It goes both ways, but it is the reality of the internet dating scene as far as I can tell.
What if the woman only wants someone who is short?
 
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OverAnalyzer is offline OverAnalyzer Post #13  November 8,2009, 6:11pm
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[quote=TheWanderer;784922]
Why is that? Undesired as it may be, why do we ignore, and maybe even devalue, the attention of someone we're not interested in? Is it because it allows us to make grand, dramatic statements like "There's NO ONE who's interested in me." Or "There are NO GOOD MEN left in the world?" Shouldn't we be pleased that there's someone out there who's proved us wrong?

I've caught myself getting actively disappointed when someone I'm not at all attracted to shows some interest.=quote]
==========
You have it backwards. We don't devalue them, we feel it devalues us. It's the opposite of not getting picked for the team or not getting asked to the dance.

We hold ourselves up to a certain standard based on our beliefs, desires, needs, wants, and social presentability. When someone who (whom?) we feel doesn't meet these standards we tend to feel emotionally violated, like they are tresspassing on our turf. That's why we get creeped out when they don't get that *no* is an answer. When someone we feel is like us rejects us, we feel betrayed. Why? We're the same! Apparently we have violated their standards. And so it goes.

I'm sure the concept travels downward as well as upward. We are who we are.
Last edited by OverAnalyzer; November 8,2009 at 6:12pm. Reason: something messed up somewhere...
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #14  November 25,2009, 1:28pm
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Last edited by FaintestInkling; January 31,2010 at 9:22pm.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #15  November 25,2009, 5:22pm

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Rejection is rejection...it does not feel good. Period.
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #16  November 25,2009, 5:58pm
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PY_2 wrote :
Rejection is rejection...it does not feel good. Period.
I can say that it doesn't feel good to do the rejecting either, if that helps at all. The spin Overanalyzer put on it is right on.....so let's quit moaning and get out there and get rejected and do some rejecting.
 
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MQRegan is offline MQRegan Post #17  November 27,2009, 12:41am
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Well I have tried and tried through wits end to find someone. Real life, knocked down at every level. Online see interest and then they either stalls out or they close out with "Other" or I want to communicate with other people @ eHarmony. Which both mean you are ugly. When I do not find a match appealing, I close it out on stage 1 and use a response as pursuing another relationship, taking a break, or too far away just to not hurt their feelings. The females, however, are just ruthless. And give no regard to the other person's feelings.

Nonetheless, with zero luck online and offline it is really putting me in an amazingly depressing state of mind. I mean, I never felt as a ugly person until now. So to combat this and to prevent any further depression degration of my self worth, I have started to consider that it is true some people are just not ment to be with someone. Its a sad fact of life, but who says life is fair. I feel that accepting that there really is no one out there would help and numb the feelings. So far, it has been mixed. Then again, I just started. eHarmony subscription ends on Sunday too. So all is well with that.

In addition, I did a test on Match. Signed up and while my photo was under review, when no one can see it, I received three interests e mails. Amazingly, when I replied, they all looked at my profile again, none, zero, zilch replied back. This just approves my statement and makes my feelings a sad fact of life. Got to face facts with facts at some time in life. Might as well stop pissing away money in something that is unattainable.
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #18  November 29,2009, 2:28pm
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I love it when you go as far as to tell a person you are interested in meeting them and they say (out of politeness) that they just met the love of their lives and forgot to disable their profile. You think they are telling the truth until you see them online again and their profile is still there on screen bigger than Dallas. I could wag a finger at them and would have in the past but now I just make a little mental mark by their name....(LIAR).
 
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cubanjen is offline cubanjen Post #19  March 22,2011, 9:04am
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When I started eharmony I made a point to give a chance to guys that I didn't find "very" attractive but that met other specifications such as smart educated professionals that seem to have something going for them. I even started going on first dates with them and then I realized that everyone looked worse in real life than in their pictures (even when they tell you that they don't take good pics and I was spending a lot of time in futile dates that never let to anything and ended up feeling bad that they were spending money taking me out to nice restaurants only for me to text them later that I didn't find any chemistry and probably sounding worse that if I had let them down at the beginning! It is really hard to measure personality from eharmony and I think that it's part of what makes someone attractive but then how do you pick from the limited information you get in a site???
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #20  March 22,2011, 11:23am
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how? I just meet people for a quick coffee to check them out visually rather than rely on a photo. I've even viewed a woman on web cam who looked a lot less attractive in person so I only use photos as a guide not a main filter.
 
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