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bd2999 bd2999 is offline
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It is true and I know I have done the same thing. Although not as blatent as what you are saying. If I get a match by a woman who is extremly overweight and just not attractive at any level, I probably will not really give her much of a chance. Shallow? Maybe, but to be completly fair I am very open with what I find attractive and had few matches that I did not find pretty in some way. If you are a bit overweight but are cute, that is fine.

Physical beauty is always one of those things that make internet dating a bit like window shopping and I do find that to be unfair, but in reality if you think about dating you usually approach someone who you are attracted to in some way and you are around them a fair bit. With the internet we are only getting one facet of that and people do have preferences. I only find it really bad if you only date women who are really thin and shorter than you, or a woman only wants someone who is much taller and super in shape. It goes both ways, but it is the reality of the internet dating scene as far as I can tell.
- November 8th, 2009, 01:18 pm
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nightling nightling is online now
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bd2999 wrote :
It is true and I know I have done the same thing. Although not as blatent as what you are saying. If I get a match by a woman who is extremly overweight and just not attractive at any level, I probably will not really give her much of a chance. Shallow? Maybe, but to be completly fair I am very open with what I find attractive and had few matches that I did not find pretty in some way. If you are a bit overweight but are cute, that is fine.

Physical beauty is always one of those things that make internet dating a bit like window shopping and I do find that to be unfair, but in reality if you think about dating you usually approach someone who you are attracted to in some way and you are around them a fair bit. With the internet we are only getting one facet of that and people do have preferences. I only find it really bad if you only date women who are really thin and shorter than you, or a woman only wants someone who is much taller and super in shape. It goes both ways, but it is the reality of the internet dating scene as far as I can tell.
What if the woman only wants someone who is short?
- November 8th, 2009, 06:52 pm
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OverAnalyzer OverAnalyzer is offline
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OverAnalyzer is content and back on her own path

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[quote=TheWanderer;784922]
Why is that? Undesired as it may be, why do we ignore, and maybe even devalue, the attention of someone we're not interested in? Is it because it allows us to make grand, dramatic statements like "There's NO ONE who's interested in me." Or "There are NO GOOD MEN left in the world?" Shouldn't we be pleased that there's someone out there who's proved us wrong?

I've caught myself getting actively disappointed when someone I'm not at all attracted to shows some interest.=quote]
==========
You have it backwards. We don't devalue them, we feel it devalues us. It's the opposite of not getting picked for the team or not getting asked to the dance.

We hold ourselves up to a certain standard based on our beliefs, desires, needs, wants, and social presentability. When someone who (whom?) we feel doesn't meet these standards we tend to feel emotionally violated, like they are tresspassing on our turf. That's why we get creeped out when they don't get that *no* is an answer. When someone we feel is like us rejects us, we feel betrayed. Why? We're the same! Apparently we have violated their standards. And so it goes.

I'm sure the concept travels downward as well as upward. We are who we are.
Last edited by OverAnalyzer; November 8th, 2009 at 07:12 pm. Reason: something messed up somewhere...
- November 8th, 2009, 07:11 pm
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FaintestInkling FaintestInkling is offline
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Last edited by FaintestInkling; January 31st, 2010 at 10:22 pm.
- November 25th, 2009, 02:28 pm
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PY_2 PY_2 is online now
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PY_2 facebook suggested I reconnected with.....my long lost gf....*sigh*

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Rejection is rejection...it does not feel good. Period.
- November 25th, 2009, 06:22 pm
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landstar59 landstar59 is offline
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PY_2 wrote :
Rejection is rejection...it does not feel good. Period.
I can say that it doesn't feel good to do the rejecting either, if that helps at all. The spin Overanalyzer put on it is right on.....so let's quit moaning and get out there and get rejected and do some rejecting.
- November 25th, 2009, 06:58 pm
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MQRegan MQRegan is offline
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Well I have tried and tried through wits end to find someone. Real life, knocked down at every level. Online see interest and then they either stalls out or they close out with "Other" or I want to communicate with other people @ eHarmony. Which both mean you are ugly. When I do not find a match appealing, I close it out on stage 1 and use a response as pursuing another relationship, taking a break, or too far away just to not hurt their feelings. The females, however, are just ruthless. And give no regard to the other person's feelings.

Nonetheless, with zero luck online and offline it is really putting me in an amazingly depressing state of mind. I mean, I never felt as a ugly person until now. So to combat this and to prevent any further depression degration of my self worth, I have started to consider that it is true some people are just not ment to be with someone. Its a sad fact of life, but who says life is fair. I feel that accepting that there really is no one out there would help and numb the feelings. So far, it has been mixed. Then again, I just started. eHarmony subscription ends on Sunday too. So all is well with that.

In addition, I did a test on Match. Signed up and while my photo was under review, when no one can see it, I received three interests e mails. Amazingly, when I replied, they all looked at my profile again, none, zero, zilch replied back. This just approves my statement and makes my feelings a sad fact of life. Got to face facts with facts at some time in life. Might as well stop pissing away money in something that is unattainable.
- November 27th, 2009, 01:41 am
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landstar59 landstar59 is offline
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I love it when you go as far as to tell a person you are interested in meeting them and they say (out of politeness) that they just met the love of their lives and forgot to disable their profile. You think they are telling the truth until you see them online again and their profile is still there on screen bigger than Dallas. I could wag a finger at them and would have in the past but now I just make a little mental mark by their name....(LIAR).
- November 29th, 2009, 03:28 pm
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