joey0125 is offline joey0125 Post #1  November 2,2009, 2:45am
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So i was dating a girl for about six months. she broke up with me last week, citing that she was "unable to reciprocate" the feelings i've shown her, and that "we are on two different levels" I told her that i understand to a degree, but i feel like a breakup is a little extreme in this scenario. I told her that i believe we can reach a compromise, and that we can find a middle ground that is comfortable and acceptable for us both. However, she feels a large degree of guilt, because she claims that i "deserve more" and said she is not okay with continuing on, knowing that I am in love with her, yet she cannot say the same...

The breakup was over the phone. The next night, she came over and we talked for several hours. it was quiet and akward at first, but then she finally gave me a hug, and literally clung to me the entire time we talked (several hours) ... before we parted, she told me that she loved me, and that part of her feels like she could be making the biggest mistake of her life...but she felt like she HAD to end things, so she can work on things that are holding her back, whatever those issues may be...

it feels to me that she left things very open ended, therefore i have a very hard time "closing the door" on her. She means a great deal to me, I want her back, but i dont know if I should wait for her as that may not be fair to do to myself.

is she genuine?
is she running scared?

somebody please help, any peace of mind will do
 
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Homer231 is offline Homer231 Post #2  November 2,2009, 11:46am
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I am not an expert, and definitely one who has asked my women friends(female perspective)on scenarios I have been involved with..I just posted one under "I Over Did It"

But from an outside perspective on your situation is this...Its sounds complicated LOL I mean you dated for 6 months and she was over your house for a face to face break up and clung to you for hours...She does have feelings for you obviously, but she might not have that heart pounding LOVE for you...I would just take a step back..slow down..do not sever ties with her but don't be like it was before...she might realize then after a few weeks that your the best thing for her..I wish you luck.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #3  November 2,2009, 2:19pm
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Hmm, I'm going to need to toss a coin here to see which kind of situation this is ...classic rebound? ...or classic "nice guy comes in last"?

This is going to be harsh, Joey, but for whatever reason, she doesn't need/want you anymore ...either you've served your purpose and helped her deal with a previous relationship, or you placed her on a pedestal and she lost respect for you. It would probably benefit you to figure out which and avoid it in the future, but my advice is the same ...

Let her go, Joey ...cut her loose, close the door, sink her battleship ...put whatever metaphor on it you want, but do it. If you don't, you are going to be susceptible to her using you again ...when the new thing doesn't work out, anytime she needs an ego-boost, etc. ...and you don't want to ride that rollercoaster, trust me.

I know you won't listen, but by-gosh, I gotta try ...
 
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joey0125 is offline joey0125 Post #4  November 2,2009, 2:41pm
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can you clarify what you mean by "put her on a pedestal"?
thanks, i'd appreciate it
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #5  November 2,2009, 2:54pm

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She told you what she thought you wanted to hear. She knows you are a sensitive guy and the truth would probably cripple you. It was her way of being nice.

Dude.. she didn't leave anything opened ended.. Yes.. she thinks you a nice guy and all. Everything she said was for her justification of breaking up with you..



Let her go.
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; November 2,2009 at 2:58pm. Reason: she is just not that into you!
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #6  November 2,2009, 3:04pm

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joey0125 wrote :
So i was dating a girl for about six months. she broke up with me last week, citing that she was "unable to reciprocate" the feelings i've shown her, and that "we are on two different levels" I told her that i understand to a degree, but i feel like a breakup is a little extreme in this scenario. I told her that i believe we can reach a compromise, and that we can find a middle ground that is comfortable and acceptable for us both. However, she feels a large degree of guilt, because she claims that i "deserve more" and said she is not okay with continuing on, knowing that I am in love with her, yet she cannot say the same...

The breakup was over the phone. The next night, she came over and we talked for several hours. it was quiet and akward at first, but then she finally gave me a hug, and literally clung to me the entire time we talked (several hours) ... before we parted, she told me that she loved me, and that part of her feels like she could be making the biggest mistake of her life...but she felt like she HAD to end things, so she can work on things that are holding her back, whatever those issues may be...

it feels to me that she left things very open ended, therefore i have a very hard time "closing the door" on her. She means a great deal to me, I want her back, but i dont know if I should wait for her as that may not be fair to do to myself.

is she genuine?
is she running scared?

somebody please help, any peace of mind will do
Who the heck knows what's going on...she could be having commitment issues, you could be smothering her, she could be crazy, you could be 'too nice' (no we've never covered this topic before ).

In any case, genuine or not...looks like it was an amicable break up....just chill out, relax...you got a decent six months out of it. Take a quick break and when you're ready....

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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #7  November 2,2009, 3:06pm

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BikerBeagle wrote :
You placed her on a pedestal and she lost respect for you.
Maybe this was the reason why she said they're not on the same levels anymore?
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #8  November 2,2009, 10:05pm
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joey0125 wrote :
...she broke up with me last week...
this is the only part of your post that matters. for whatever reason, she doesn't not want to be with you any more. i know, it is painful. but no amount of arguing, pleading or convincing will ever get a person who does not want to be with you to be with you.

they may eventually tell you what you want to hear- but only to shut you up.

put her behind you and move on.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #9  November 3,2009, 4:38am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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joey0125 wrote :
can you clarify what you mean by "put her on a pedestal"?
thanks, i'd appreciate it
It means that you placed her wants/needs before (and above ...hence the 'pedestal' reference) your own.
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #10  November 3,2009, 10:48am
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Sorry to hear this but you are going to have to move on. Find someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated. Don't sell yourself short. Take a class, find an activity, join a gym, where people are doing something you are into.

Good luck,
Bearwolf102
 
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