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TKCerbs TKCerbs is offline
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I recently met up with a girl over coffee, We are both resh out of long term relationships (me about 2 weeks, her less than a week) I had originally budgeted myself a maximum of an hour for this date, but it ended going about 2 (and fantastically I might add). She had hinted at hanging out the next night, so at the end of the coffee I asked her to hang out a bit on the next night (Friday) and she accepted without hesistation.

The next day started out great, we decided on a night in instead of a night out, we picked up some beers, grabbed some pizza, and sat down to watch a movie at her place. She lit up a bunch of candles and we sat down to watch the movie, but she appeared to have distanced herself considerably at this point. She was right on the corner of the couch with her legs crossed away from me, picking up texts most of the night.

Once the movie ended, She was yawning so I asked if I should take off, but she was ok for now, instead asked me to help her find her haloween costume and let me know what I think. After this little show she said she'd been up since 5 and needed to get some sleep.

She insisted on walking me all the way out to my car (a fair distance as she lives in an enclosed condo). I panicked as I hadn't locked up an actual date and asked if I could take her out on Sunday night (silly as I knew she already had Sunday plans). She evaded and said she might be available, but didn't leave any indication to call or follow-up. I asked for confirmation if it was a yes or a no, but still didn't get a confirmed answer.
(if you ask "Why Sunday?", we both work F/T, but over weekends as well, so Friday and Saturday aren't conventional nights)


The night ended there. I didn't call on Saturday because of Haloween and we both had our own things to do, its now Sunday morning and I'm not sure what my course of action should be. Thoughts?
Last edited by TKCerbs; November 1st, 2009 at 12:24 pm.
- November 1st, 2009, 10:54 am
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Bootsky Bootsky is offline
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I would have given her a call. If you had mentioned going out Sunday, I would expect you to call you continue with those plans. If you did not call, I would probably assume you weren't interested in going out still or had changed your mind. As far as her not being comfortable on the couch, it may just be because this was the second date. Personally, I wouldn't bring a guy home on a second date. She may have been afraid of what would happen if she got too close to you being you were not out in public. Just my take on it. It sounds like she is interested in you, but she may also still be a little fresh out of her relationship as you said it's only been a week. That is very soon for one to move onto someone else, I think. I would just give it time, call when you say you are going to call and see what happens. Good luck.
- November 1st, 2009, 03:30 pm
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hazmat hazmat is offline
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Look at it from the flip side. Would you be evasive on when the next date was, text all night with someone else, and give the "don't touch me" body language if you were into someone ?

You tried to set up the next date and she deflected it. Don't look needy by asking again. Leave the ball in her court. If she likes you, she'll call. If not...you'll have your answer.
- November 1st, 2009, 04:13 pm
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TKCerbs TKCerbs is offline
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Both points are valid, I left with a bad vibe, but I'm a guy and tend to read too much into stuff. I've known this girl for a long time and maybe she thought the night was just a "friendly" thing (but I did have the date feeling the whole time).

I'm not needy, but I did say I would contact her today, so I had to follow through with it. Left a message, no return as of yet, its completely in her court now. I'll take what I did wrong out of this one and move on.
- November 1st, 2009, 05:45 pm
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Monsoon Monsoon is offline
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This sounds like a familiar situation ...
Well I'd first say don't call if she want to see you she will. Let her call you .....and if she does not forget about it dont text her to ask why and what reason as this will only sound like desperation.


and the other is Don't make someone a priority that only makes you an option !

Remember there is plenty of fish in the sea ....
- November 1st, 2009, 06:10 pm
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TKCerbs TKCerbs is offline
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Well, its not a complete write-off, she contacted me back to see how my Haloween went, and stated that she was out way too late last night to do anything tonight with an early shift tomorrow, but that she might be interested in something casual on Tuesday. So its not blown yet, I'm just going to slow things down considerably.
- November 1st, 2009, 08:18 pm
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notyet notyet is offline
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TKCerbs wrote :
...I'm just going to slow things down considerably.
i am glad to see you post this.

you are both just out of LTRs (not sure how long) and then see each other for a considerable amount of time twice in two days. and the second time is for not personal interaction but to just sit around and watch TV.

granted, you have "known this girl for a long time." however, i am presuming you have not dated her before.

you have it right. slow down and don't rush it. let it happen naturally. get to know her in her time.

and good luck!
- November 2nd, 2009, 12:14 am
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kevin76 kevin76 is offline
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notyet wrote :
i am glad to see you post this.

you are both just out of LTRs (not sure how long) and then see each other for a considerable amount of time twice in two days. and the second time is for not personal interaction but to just sit around and watch TV.

granted, you have "known this girl for a long time." however, i am presuming you have not dated her before.

you have it right. slow down and don't rush it. let it happen naturally. get to know her in her time.

and good luck!
Agreed

Just coming out of a LTR she may not be sure about her own feelings. Maybe she's afraid of rebound. Maybe she's interested but not quite ready. Probably she's looking for something to fill the gap left by her previous relationship - which may or may not turn into something lasting, but whether it does or not, taking it slow is a good idea for many reasons.

\and good luck
- November 2nd, 2009, 10:48 am
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TKCerbs TKCerbs is offline
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Well, I think progress is being made, but its hard to tell. I called her up as planned on the Tuesday and we went out for a late dinner (left to dinner at around 9:30pm, left the restaurant at around midnight). I bought dinner, we had excellent conversation with very little in the way of awkwardess for almost 2 hours. As far as I can tell, this falls into an actual "date" with me buying with no resistance on her part.

I made no agressive moves, no attempt to lock up the next date, giving myself the option to call in a few days or so, but also to see if she'll contact me first . Essentially, backed off my original aggressive tactic considerably.

But whats funny is she made no attempt to dress up for it, she was wearing casual clothes, no make-up, and hair was loosely tied up (and I've seen this girl go out with friends, and she always pays an incredible attention to how she looks). Also, in the middle of the dinner, she took a long phone call under the guise of heading to the restroom. This isn't usual date language as far as I can tell. The night ended fine other than that. Am I missing something with her "lackluster" appearance for the dinner?
- November 4th, 2009, 11:40 pm
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lil_lamb lil_lamb is offline
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i'd just relax. a night in for the second date is a bit awkward, so i wouldn't worry about it.
- November 5th, 2009, 12:04 am
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