newday4me is offline newday4me Post #1  October 30,2009, 5:15pm
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I've been chatting with a true Quality Man who I would like
to meet and possibly start dating. He has told me that he and
his X have been separated for 10 months and their divorce is
suppose to be final in 2-3 months, and he is "definitely ready
to move on". I am not sure if I should start seeing him under
these conditions----he seems like a super man and father.
Would love some good advice on this subject !! Thanks----
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  October 31,2009, 3:50pm
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has all the tools and can........satisfy

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The only answer you're going to get here is stay away from matches that are already married.

BTDT...It doesn't work.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #3  October 31,2009, 4:04pm
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Quality men do not put you in the position of being in the middle of their personal drama. They take care of business, take the time to heal, and then move on. Until he does those things, any woman in his life is just going to be a bandaid.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #4  October 31,2009, 4:12pm

blames self-help books

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newday4me wrote :
I've been chatting with a true Quality Man who I would like
to meet and possibly start dating. He has told me that he and
his X have been separated for 10 months and their divorce is
suppose to be final in 2-3 months, and he is "definitely ready
to move on". I am not sure if I should start seeing him under
these conditions----he seems like a super man and father.
Would love some good advice on this subject !! Thanks----
It depends on the person, yes I know this doesn't help. For me the moment I signed the retainer it was done. The rest was just paperwork. Obviously I filed, maybe that makes a difference. Don't know.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #5  October 31,2009, 4:23pm
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got her own goat!

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My father got engaged before the divorce from my mother was final. (I pity his new wife. I doubt she realized what she caught.)

I recommend, highly, stepping back and waiting. It will show you to be a better person--and it will show him to maybe be a "quality" man if he is willing to wait.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #6  October 31,2009, 4:53pm
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Ride along, and Remember to laugh every single day!!

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Disclaimer time once again. Anything posted here is not intended to anger, upset, single out, or pick on anyone of either gender or anyone else.

Red flags are waving hard all over here. Married is still married, seperated is still married etc, etc.

Do not be the fall back or rebound option or one of several in line for this person.

He should take at least 1 year after the final papers to deal with his own stuff before dating anyone in my humble opinion.

He is not doing anyone any favors by trying to set up the next run before the last is done. There are kids as well, so the "ex" will be right there as well. That is ASSUMING he divorces her first!!!!
 
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trackstar is offline trackstar Post #7  November 2,2009, 12:02pm
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You should realize that the 2-3 month timeline may be a rather optimistic take on things, and it may be wholly out of his control. Many states have statutory waiting periods before divorce can even be filed, and if there are, as it seems, children involved, then the proceedings can drag on - or maybe he already has a settlement agreement signed, and he's absolutely right. Either way, if you are thinking about getting involved with him, understand what pitfalls may be out there, how long things could take, and whether or not your're prepared to go through all of it with him.

I have been dating a separated/married man for a little over five months now. When he finally told me that he was still married, he assured me that it would only be "two months, maybe less" before things were final. Flash forward to today - he hasn't even filed for divorce yet.

Don't get me wrong. He really is a great guy, and honestly, I love everything about him, except for his wife. No other issues. Zero. But, he was as stubborn as they come when it came to doing something he felt his wife should have done - file the stupid papers, since she was the one that flew the coop. She appears to be a total dingbat and will never get around to it. He just plain didn't want to deal with any of it ("I don't want to know how to get divorced.") and somehow thought that she would learn some kind of lesson by having to do the legwork.

Ready to move on? Hmmm. . .probably not completely. . .It's weird. I feel completely secure in my relationship with him, but sometimes he says stuff that just makes me shake my head. . .he would never hold something she did against me, and he is completely there for me. It's just. . .a certain amount of bitterness comes through that tells me mayyybe some wounds haven't completely healed. But, then again, I can understand why he still thinks she's the scum of the earth. I tend to agree. I mean, if she had only cheated on and abandoned her husband, that would be one thing. But she left her dog too. Pure evil.

Anyway, he has finally agreed that being so stubborn is counter-productive, and he just wants it done. So. . .I am a lawyer. . .I feel like I should be a rebound. . .not only can I help him through his divorce emotionally, I can do the paperwork too!

I suppose only time will tell. At least, I don't regret it yet. If one day he does break my little "band-aid" heart, well, the past five months have been the happiest of my life, so, at least I have that.

Good luck, whatever you decide. If you go for it, it's probably guaranteed to be a bit of a weird situation for awhile, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
 
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lostatsea is offline lostatsea Post #8  November 2,2009, 12:35pm
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This sounds exactly like a guy I went out with a few weeks ago. He was a great guy, a perfect gentleman and good father. Of course I didn't find out about the "separated" part until I was on the date. His words to me were exactly "it should be final in 2-3 months". Now, if you met the guy through EH, you should know he is a liar because you are supposed to be "divorced, widowed or never married" to join. EH is not fool proof and takes the person at their word when signing up. My advice is that if he lied initially to get his foot in the door, he will continue to lie. Married is married despite any signed agreements. Report him to EH so that he doesn't take advantage of anyone else who is trying to meet the right person.
 
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SactoDoug is offline SactoDoug Post #9  November 3,2009, 6:24am
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I have mixed feelings about this topic of divorce. I don't like the idea of dating someone that is not divorced yet and just separated. I also understand that most states require an excessive time period between getting a judges divorce order and the date that it goes into effect.

A friend of mine was divorced in California and even though his then wife was in jail for a couple of felonies and did not contest anything, it still took him about 7 months between filing and finally being divorced. It cost him about $1500 in court fees.

Fast forward a few years and he is getting a divorce again only this time it is in Idaho. He files for a total of $140 and is divorced in 17 days.

Obviously it is better to get a divorce in Idaho than California. I think the whole idea of these excessive waiting periods is unreasonable. If a couple wants a divorce, then let them have it. If they change their minds, they can remarry. The government should not force anyone to stay married.

Back to the subject at hand. Demand to see his divorce decree. If he can't produce it, drop him and don't look back.
 
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Daise is offline Daise Post #10  November 3,2009, 8:41am
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For what it is worth, I just don't get what all the fuss is about regarding "finalized divorce papers", they are just that, papers and do not change how people feel about one another once they are filed. If someone is bitter towards and ex, they will continue to be bitter even after the papers are signed and sealed. This I have experienced. I dated a fellow who was divorced for 5 years and still had issues with his ex, it just simply doesn't disappear after the papers are signed like so many here seem to think. Why does everything have to be so black and white and fall into some kind of pretty little box. Life really isn't like that, so do what feels right to you and if you think this guy is worth your time, go for it and don't worry about papers, they are just that, papers. Truly take the time to find out what this guy is all about on the inside and use that as your guide.
 
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