understanding is offline understanding Post #1  October 29,2009, 3:29pm
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I don't understand. I've been out with a married man a few times and he told me all the great stuff a woman wants to hear. Then he leaves town only to stop by to say Hi to a "friend" yet when he talks about me he said your hot, great looking and you can have any one you want.

What I do know that he doesn't know is that he's getting a divorce. Not a word was mentioned about it. Knowing what I know I didn't want to just point blank ask him so I asked some questions that I thought would lead to him saying so. But the questions I asked only lead to one lie or cover up after another.

So what was the purpose of coming to say hi, telling me these great things again. Also I sent a real nice e-mail stating I realize there is something going on in his life and I would be there if he would like to talk, but no response in fact no calls no nothing since I sent this nice email. Most women would be all over the guy for lying.

One friend of mine said, I think he maybe back after the divorce is over and another says you might of cut things off when you called him on the lie even if you were nice about it

Help me understand, so I can move on
 
 
brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #2  October 29,2009, 6:25pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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understanding wrote :
I don't understand. I've been out with a married man a few times and he told me all the great stuff a woman wants to hear. Then he leaves town only to stop by to say Hi to a "friend" yet when he talks about me he said your hot, great looking and you can have any one you want.

What I do know that he doesn't know is that he's getting a divorce. Not a word was mentioned about it. Knowing what I know I didn't want to just point blank ask him so I asked some questions that I thought would lead to him saying so. But the questions I asked only lead to one lie or cover up after another.

So what was the purpose of coming to say hi, telling me these great things again. Also I sent a real nice e-mail stating I realize there is something going on in his life and I would be there if he would like to talk, but no response in fact no calls no nothing since I sent this nice email. Most women would be all over the guy for lying.

One friend of mine said, I think he maybe back after the divorce is over and another says you might of cut things off when you called him on the lie even if you were nice about it

Help me understand, so I can move on
You were out with a married man. It doesn't matter if he's getting a divorce, the fact is he is still married. Why would you even want him in your life at this point when he has more baggage than a luggage store?

On top of that, you've caught him in a lie, and you found out something he wasn't ready for you to know. So if he's lying to you now, where's the foundation for trust if this develops further? Could you even trust him, because this isn't a little white lie....

You're going to end up being his rebound gal if you stick around and wait for the divorce to become final. Why go through that? In your shoes, I'd write him off and count the fact that he's not been in contact as a blessing. Go find someone who isn't going to string you along or put you on hold while he gets his life in order and lies about it. You deserve so much better than what he has to offer you right now!

Best wishes.
 
 
trackstar is offline trackstar Post #3  October 29,2009, 6:45pm
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I don't know how much baggage he carries around or if he will ever have a "rebound" or that you could never trust him again. You seem like a very understanding person, and I'm sure that he has reasons for doing what he did - maybe not great reasons, but maybe ones that you could understand.

I guess the bottom line is that he's just not ready to move on. Maybe he just feels like a stupid creep, having lied to you, and has no idea what to say now.
 
 
neardc is offline neardc Post #4  October 29,2009, 9:54pm
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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Maybe he's planning on telling you about the divorce as a Christmas present.

When you started dating him, you knew that he was married, and your assumption was presumably that he would be staying that way for some time. So, the relationship never had good prospects from the get go.

You haven't said a single thing about this man that suggests that he has any redeeming qualities. What I do pick up, though, is that you seem to be so hungry for some positive attention that you don't want to give up the meager crumbs that he has tossed your way. Have you taken some time to think about why this is so? What it is that you are seeking from him and why? Why you chose to pursue a relationship with a (married) man like him? If you can spend some time working on understanding this about yourself (with a good therapist if you can), it may well save you some future heartbreak as well...
 
 
understanding is offline understanding Post #5  October 30,2009, 7:26am
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Thank you for the posts. You've all been helpful. I don't understand why I continue to think about him and what might happen next. There as been much thought about him and the lie(s) and I know that my past patterns of merely accepting the crumbs is worth taking. WHY?? I'm still trying to change that in my life.

It's just hard when you give of yourself and for me it was more than a friendship and for him he says it means something as well, yet the actions don't follow the words. If I could erase my mind and thoughts I would. Letting Go is the key and yet I find it hard.
 
 
TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #6  October 30,2009, 10:21am
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is so in love!!

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understanding wrote :
Thank you for the posts. You've all been helpful. I don't understand why I continue to think about him and what might happen next. There as been much thought about him and the lie(s) and I know that my past patterns of merely accepting the crumbs is worth taking. WHY?? I'm still trying to change that in my life.

It's just hard when you give of yourself and for me it was more than a friendship and for him he says it means something as well, yet the actions don't follow the words. If I could erase my mind and thoughts I would. Letting Go is the key and yet I find it hard.
Evidentely for some reason you feel like you don't deserve better. Some therapy might be a good idea. Sometimes when we get lonely it is so easy to accept the crumbs. You have to keep telling yourself that you are worth more than that. Something is not always better than nothing. Work on yourself. No one can do that for you.
 
 
neardc is offline neardc Post #7  November 3,2009, 11:42am
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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Because the OP has started another thread on this topic (here (Anyone: Please explain men's thoughts)), I'm going to go ahead and lock this one.
 
 
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