Does a person's race still matter when looking for love


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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #21  November 18,2009, 2:29pm

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RoxyRedhead wrote :
Really?????

I am surprised at this-I've always thought this was a pretty race free zone.

Its sad that 'isms' are still rearing their ugly heads all over...racism, ageism, sexism,
when basically all any of us are looking for is a nice person with manners and some intelligence who is attractive enough to not frighten young children and has a pleasant personality.

I did say basically because we each have our must haves and can't stands but race is so .... trivial. IMHO of course.
Roxy,
Well, I'm always hesitant to talk about the 'disadvantage' of being Asian in a dating world, etc...because I don't want to be that person who uses 'race' as an excuse.....ok but to your point:

Yes, I think Northwest has become better in terms of 'tolerance'....but I still think much of it is on the surface. Definitely people are more accepting, etc in terms of hanging out, being friends, etc.

But for deeper relationship, I still think people are still a bit stand-offish...might not be for a US/born-raised Asians, but for people in the middle (Asians who have been here in the US for a while), it's quite difficult....people can feel that you've 'assimilated' but still not quite "American" enough. I think even in college, most of my dates were non-Americans (regardless of race) and not surprisingly, I hate to generalize, majority of my friends are either California transplant, or at the very least have been to outside the country. I noticed the hardcore Portland, born and raised people (especially from smaller town) are operating at a totally different wavelength...not just the women...people in general..sorry to be stereotyping, but I still experience this until this day.

I'm not a hardcore religous nut, but I go to my house of worships and it's interesting to see that I belonged to a certain group for almost four years....it took me at least a good two years before somebody invited me to lunch (after I brought the topic up numerous times), but there were other people who became 'friends' with each other very very quickly even only being there for two months. It could be a pure personality mismatch, but if that's the case...it's interesting it only happens with certain group of people. I've heard in the past some women say that they got tired of bad men, bad dates..THEN they start to 'open their mind' a little bit and started dating other races...it's almost you have to be treated very badly before you can 'consider' going out with me. No thanks.

I don't think other Foreign men (European) have this problem many people in the US have always liked European men...how often do you hear "British accent is sexy" "French accent...ooh lalaa". Not too many say "Oh my goodness, that guy from Chen's Golden Wok....the way he pronounced 'garlic chicken'....me likey!" Not so much!

Many people also assumed that I only want Asian women (which at this point, yes I'm leaning towards them). I've heard anywhere from "Yeah it's good for you to marry a nice girl from back home" or "You should go back and marry yourself a nice Asian girl". Normally they imply that Asian women are 'submissive' (blech i don't like that word) and more subservient to their husband, etc..etc..

One even told me I think 'American women is too much for you' LOL!(I kid you not)

I will have to say in general, it's somewhat better than when I first came here back in the 90s...finally I don't get the "wow, I detect some accent, but you speak english so well" anymore. My mom/dad actually went to Vancouver and after they got back they told me a bunch of teenagers were making 'ching chang' kinda noise and pointed at them when they were waiting for their seat at a restaurant. This was back in 2008.

But in bigger cities like Portland, it's not as bad.
Last edited by PY_2; November 18,2009 at 3:06pm.
 
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peppermint21 is offline peppermint21 Post #22  November 18,2009, 3:49pm
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PY_2 wrote :
Hey I could've taught them that f(x)+d-1 does NOT equal f(x)-3/dx+2. But does any smart women wanna know that?? Nooooo!!!
The ones with sense do
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #23  November 18,2009, 3:59pm

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peppermint4209 wrote :
The ones with sense do
Oh...just wait until the 2nd date...we'll talk about the conjentured application of K-theory to superstrings and it's relationship to Ramond-Ramond field and charges of the D-branes.

Veeery sexy!!
Last edited by PY_2; November 18,2009 at 4:00pm. Reason: or we could just talk on how properly cook rice. I could do that too.
 
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peppermint21 is offline peppermint21 Post #24  November 18,2009, 4:02pm
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PY_2 wrote :
But for deeper relationship, I still think people are still a bit stand-offish...
You hit the nail on the head. I would honestly say that most people these days are willing to have a beer with or date just about anybody...but we're talking long-term, solid relationships.

I personally have friends of all races and varying degrees of "Americanization", but the same people that are willing to go on vacation with me (I'm Black female), have me in their wedding or play with their children might not be willing to date a member of my race. It doesn't upset me at all, it's just how it is.

I've dated interracially and you have to deal with stares, comments, questions, judgements from friends and family...and it's worse if you're not in the typical Black/White combo. I live in a very racially diverse area (South Florida) where you see interracial couples everywhere. I've gone out with a couple of Asian guys and there were constant comments and stares.

At the end of the day, I just don't think most people are ready to deal with that and they know it. It just stings a bit when you're open to dating anyone and the willingness isn't reciprocated.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #25  November 18,2009, 4:10pm

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peppermint4209 wrote :
You hit the nail on the head. I would honestly say that most people these days are willing to have a beer with or date just about anybody...but we're talking long-term, solid relationships.

I personally have friends of all races and varying degrees of "Americanization", but the same people that are willing to go on vacation with me (I'm Black female), have me in their wedding or play with their children might not be willing to date a member of my race. It doesn't upset me at all, it's just how it is.

I've dated interracially and you have to deal with stares, comments, questions, judgements from friends and family...and it's worse if you're not in the typical Black/White combo. I live in a very racially diverse area (South Florida) where you see interracial couples everywhere. I've gone out with a couple of Asian guys and there were constant comments and stares.

At the end of the day, I just don't think most people are ready to deal with that and they know it. It just stings a bit when you're open to dating anyone and the willingness isn't reciprocated.
I think somebody else had mentioned something about selecting 'no preference' when it comes to race, but later on ending up sticking to their 'own' because they just felt the 'cultural barriers' were just too big.

I'm sure that there are many who genuinely are open minded...but I almost want to suggest those people who choose 'no preference' just because they don't want to be labeled as closed-minded....my opinion is don't do it.
 
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misswright is offline misswright Post #26  November 18,2009, 4:38pm

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NO THE RACE OF A PERSON DOES NOT MATTER WHEN IAM LOOKING FOR LOVE..AS LONG AS IT WORKS FOR ME AM HAPPY....
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #27  November 18,2009, 4:50pm
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I have to agree that culture can be a bit of an issue sometimes. Race shouldn't be, but some people will assume the culture automatically comes with certain races. Seriously, how hard is it to see people as individuals?

I actually get it the other way. Being blonde-haired and blue-eyed, I get a lot of guys who are racists and assume I'm fine with it. I'm not. I dated one man who suddenly started using the N word after 2 months (he apparently felt relaxed around me at that point), and another who said he could never be in a relationship with me if I had ever slept with a black man (a month into the relationship).

Unfortunately, racism is still around. It's just gone a little underground. I did see a profile on Match a while back that said:

"My perfect match is someone who wants kids, does not believe in race mixing, loves their white race. My perfect match is not politically correct, she is of wholly European descent."

I saved it because it was just so completely obnoxious.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #28  November 18,2009, 4:54pm

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chawks64 wrote :
Unfortunately, racism is still around. It's just gone a little underground. I did see a profile on Match a while back that said:

"My perfect match is someone who wants kids, does not believe in race mixing, loves their white race. My perfect match is not politically correct, she is of wholly European descent."
OMG you should've let him know about my other match (the one who said 'whites only please')...they would've been perfect for each other!!!
 
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peppermint21 is offline peppermint21 Post #29  November 18,2009, 4:55pm
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PY_2 wrote :
I'm sure that there are many who genuinely are open minded...but I almost want to suggest those people who choose 'no preference' just because they don't want to be labeled as closed-minded....my opinion is don't do it.
I think that's a good suggestion. There's no reason to be anything but honest in dating at this level. I'd rather have a guy immediately shoot me down than keep talking to me because he didn't want to feel bad about himself for doing so. I have to remember to do this myself to be honest. It's easy to trick yourself into thinking that innaction isn't as painful for the other person.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #30  November 18,2009, 5:14pm
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PY_2 wrote :
OMG you should've let him know about my other match (the one who said 'whites only please')...they would've been perfect for each other!!!
No. Then they'd have a better chance of breeding.
 
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