Meeting your date after long time and seeing someone else


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Yalda is offline Yalda Post #1  October 27,2009, 7:17pm
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[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]I met someone on a dating site, and we talked on phone for almost 3 months. I know this was a big mistake talking so long without meeting someone. He lives in a city far from mine, and had a very busy life and each time we wanted to meet something happened for him, so we couldn’t meet earlier. This relationship was the best relationship I have ever had. I liked his personality and the way he showed his love. He decreased his emails and phone calls before we meet intentionally. When I met him I was shocked because he was not the same man on the pictures he had sent. He was a different man. I liked his personality, but I was upset why he was not honest about his pictures. My reaction disappointed him, so he decided to withdraw. I felt I missed him and I told him my feelings. He told me that he missed me too, but he was not sure if this relationship works or no, so he preferred to date other girls one week after he returned to his city. I did not want to date others maybe because I felt disappointed or I was not ready for a new relationship. He wants to get married ASAP. He did not want to give a chance to see how I feel with the real person I just met. I feel I miss him, and also I feel unhappy why he was not honest with me, but I forget that and I want to see my feelings with the new person I met. I wish I did not miss him. Is it a good idea to give another chance to this relationship, and why he is so reluctant to do so?
 
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Wonderwoman402 is online now Wonderwoman402 Post #2  October 27,2009, 8:01pm
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Red Flag #1 - He posted photos that were not of himself.

Red Flag #2 - He says he wants to get married ASAP.

Red Flag #3 - He has a "very busy life" and each time you tried to meet "something happened to him." (Classic signs of a married guy on the prowl, which would explain the fake photos, too.)

Red Flag #4 - When you are justifiably upset that he is not who you thought he was, HE decides he's not sure whether your relationship works and starts dating others right away?!? (Again, another sign he is probably married... did he want to be intimate at your long-delayed first meeting? If you didn't put out, he went looking for someone who will.)

Hon, if this relationship was the best you've ever had, you have no where to go up up! Consider yourself lucky he is gone.

You fell for the person you thought he was, not the person he is. You miss the FANTASY that he portrayed himself to be, and the romanticism of the LD romance, not who he is.

No, it is not a good idea to give this relationship another chance. Next time, focus on finding someone local you can meet in person early on. Be thankful you only wasted 3 months on this fool.
 
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Mangosteen is offline Mangosteen Post #3  October 27,2009, 8:42pm
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You cannot give it another chance unless he is willing to do so. Another way of saying this: one person does not a relationship make, however much so that one person may want it.

I think you were right to be shocked that he had lied (let's not use euphemisms here - a lie is a lie) about his photos and who he was. That would be enough for me to drop him. My personal opinion would be that this guy has an issue, probably a much deeper issue, and until he owns up to it, acknowledges it, and apologizes, I don't think there is any shot of making this work.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #4  October 27,2009, 8:59pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
Red Flag #1 - He posted photos that were not of himself.

Red Flag #2 - He says he wants to get married ASAP.

Red Flag #3 - He has a "very busy life" and each time you tried to meet "something happened to him." (Classic signs of a married guy on the prowl, which would explain the fake photos, too.)

Red Flag #4 - When you are justifiably upset that he is not who you thought he was, HE decides he's not sure whether your relationship works and starts dating others right away?!? (Again, another sign he is probably married... did he want to be intimate at your long-delayed first meeting? If you didn't put out, he went looking for someone who will.)

Hon, if this relationship was the best you've ever had, you have no where to go up up! Consider yourself lucky he is gone.

You fell for the person you thought he was, not the person he is. You miss the FANTASY that he portrayed himself to be, and the romanticism of the LD romance, not who he is.

No, it is not a good idea to give this relationship another chance. Next time, focus on finding someone local you can meet in person early on. Be thankful you only wasted 3 months on this fool.
HOLY CARP! Ditto on everything WW said! The guy sounds like someone that gives all carbon based life forms a bad name!
To borrow a line from Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail: "RUN AWAY!!!!!!"
 
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vutru02 is offline vutru02 Post #5  October 27,2009, 9:16pm
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #6  October 27,2009, 9:23pm
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Yalda wrote :
I met someone on a dating site, and we talked on phone for almost 3 months. I know this was a big mistake talking so long without meeting someone. He lives in a city far from mine, and had a very busy life and each time we wanted to meet something happened for him, so we couldn’t meet earlier. This relationship was the best relationship I have ever had. I liked his personality and the way he showed his love. He decreased his emails and phone calls before we meet intentionally. When I met him I was shocked because he was not the same man on the pictures he had sent. He was a different man. I liked his personality, but I was upset why he was not honest about his pictures. My reaction disappointed him, so he decided to withdraw. I felt I missed him and I told him my feelings. He told me that he missed me too, but he was not sure if this relationship works or no, so he preferred to date other girls one week after he returned to his city. I did not want to date others maybe because I felt disappointed or I was not ready for a new relationship. He wants to get married ASAP. He did not want to give a chance to see how I feel with the real person I just met. I feel I miss him, and also I feel unhappy why he was not honest with me, but I forget that and I want to see my feelings with the new person I met. I wish I did not miss him. Is it a good idea to give another chance to this relationship, and why he is so reluctant to do so?
You do NOT have a relationship with this man. Talking on the phone for a few months and meeting once is not a relationship.

This is not really "love". This is infatuation with the person you have built up in your mind from the e-mails and phone calls, and a photo that wasn't really even this guy.

I think you seriously need some psychological counseling if you are considering continuing with him. Your self-esteem must be incredibly low and/or your concept of love is very warped if you are forgiving of him misrepresenting himself and would tolerate him dating other women while he considers your relationship and claims to want to marry you ASAP. Sorry to be blunt, but that is not a healthy approach to relationships.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #7  October 27,2009, 9:25pm
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You don't realize how blessed you are that he has moved on...my real concern here is....are you sure you are ready to date on-line as there are many predators out there who will play on your inexperience and soft heart as this man tried to do. You may want to enlist the help of a friend in your search who can pick up on warning signs before even meeting the person. It's not fool proof but you should concentrate on minimizing your risk.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #8  October 27,2009, 9:51pm
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It's very understandable that you feel that you miss him. He had become an important part of your life and you had developed feelings for him. It truly felt like you were in a relationship with him...

Unfortunately, as others have already said here, the man you thought he was and the man he actually is are not the same. The fact that the photo he shared with you was not in fact of him is just a small part of that...(he easily could have confessed right before meeting that he had sent you a photo of someone else...).

I'm so sorry that this happened to you; it is a very difficult lesson to learn. Luckily, there are plenty of other men out there who are not out to deceive in the way this man apparently was.
 
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tommyboy047 is offline tommyboy047 Post #9  October 30,2009, 12:31pm
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I second what Wonderwoman said all the way. And I also think melinCali advice is good as well. Some men out there will take advantage of a warm heart like yours and you must keep that in the back of your mind. This man is surely one of those kinds of guy. What is up with the fake picture anyway, BIG red flag there. And yes, before meeting he should have told you about the picture because after all, you were finally going to meet in person and out of respect, he should have told you. Another red flag, NO RESPECT, never mind about the fact that he was willing to post a fake picture in the first place and just go ahead with the whole fake process in his own fake head. Sorry this kind of guy just gets to me.
 
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